Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-14-2010, 12:57 AM
thelifeparade thelifeparade is offline
New Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1
Default realistic communication. guidance?

Hi all,

newcomer here, and I (as you can imagine) have a million and 1 questions. I will start with 1 though.

I am exploring the world of polyamory with two female partners. I am also female. 1 of them I dated for 2 1/2 years, until we realized we needed more space and to find/establish ourselves in this new town. The other is a mutual friend of ours who we have not known as long.

I am looking for a realistic way that the two of them can still remain friends, and talk. (I don't want my entering into a relationship with this 2nd party to ruin the friendship they had.) I want them to be able to acknowledge to each other what is taking place, talk about it, AND be comfortable in one another's presence. Is this WAY too much to expect or think could happen?

What do you/How do you talk to the other partner of your lover?

Any insight you can provide is greatly appreciated.
Thank you with love.

Reply With Quote
Old 10-14-2010, 02:02 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,443

Just a little precision: is this a triad (everyone involved with everyone) or a vee (one person involved with the other two, who aren't involved with one another)?
Me: 32F, straight
Seamus: My husband, 33M, straight
Fox: My boyfriend, 30M, homoflexible
Dragon: Fox's husband (and my ex), 30M, pansexual
Reply With Quote
Old 10-14-2010, 03:31 AM
vodkafan vodkafan is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 228

A couple of other questions, sorry : Has your long term partner said it's OK to be with other people? (rather than just have more space) And does she know that you are in a relationship with her friend yet? If she does not it may be like a double betrayal to her if it comes out of the blue.
Just my first thoughts on reading your post.
In answer to your question though I am finding anything is possible given a little work and understanding. It is not too much to ask.
I went from wanting to kill my wife's other partner to being on the way to being friends. We have respect for each other.

Last edited by vodkafan; 10-14-2010 at 03:37 AM.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-14-2010, 06:32 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

okay, assuming that your now partners knows you are seeing someone else as well as them and assuming they know who it is and assuming that you aren't cheating... I would think that they would be a shoe in for being okay with their friendship continuing after the adjustment time of starting a new relationship occurs. Asking what is okay to talk about and what isn't would be appropriate. Asking what they want and fessing up to not knowing what the hell to do would be a great way of letting them know that you are needing their input and will do as they wish.... very respectful move I think. Respect, communication and honesty are good foundations to poly... at least in my experience.

If my assumptions are off and you have been cheating or not telling you partner who you are also dating then I would have to seriously consider where you will go if she blows up. Find a place to stay that is going to give her some room and space to think (just in case) and then just say it. "I have another lover." I'm sure there is a lot of questions she will have and you can answer calmly knowing that you need to stay calm and allow her this time to get through all her emotions. You will have to have a lot of patience and give her all the time she needs to get through the huge breech of trust that occurs when trust is broken by cheating.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 01:48 PM.