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  #1  
Old 10-13-2010, 03:41 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Default Social Cues

Its been so long since I"ve been involved in dating and I"ve NEVER dated a woman - so my social cues are off.

Someone calls me "sugar" and "sweet cheeks" and I don't know if that's just their way of talking or if its an indication of interest.

On the other hand - there's this gorgeous woman I talk to online who I KNOW is interested in me.... she says so.

OKCupid sucks - I send out email after email and get almost no responses. I must be doing something wrong.

But I hate that I overanalyze things - and don't know if I'm reading an expression of interest or not.

And how the *bleep* do I send OUT those social cues/expresions of interest. I sent a long email to someone expressing my interest in getting to know her better - and no response. There are a couple women I've been talking to who I would love to get to know better - but they keep things at a friendship level - short of saying "I like you - and would like to explore a friendship with the option of moving it into a relationship" how do I?

I understand that they might just not be into me *that* way.... but at least one woman I know - has said point blank that she has very little luck with women - doesn't recognize social cues either - in fact was meeting up with a woman for some time - and thought they were friends - but the other woman thought they were dating.

AHHHHHH!

Dating sucks.
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  #2  
Old 10-13-2010, 03:51 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Ok Cupid has its own undercurrent of what will get you responses, and what won`t. Especially with women dating women.

I`m not sure what your profile says,...but it`s usually a good idea, if you are open to 1 on 1 with the woman, and having no involvement of husbands, to say so in the profile.

Otherwise, being married and bi, will put you in the 'automatic unicorn-shopping' category.

Tweak and play wtih your profile. Often.


Yes,..it can be harder to connect with women until you get your profile to a point, that makes other women feel confident in responding. It`s very easy to dismiss inquiries, if anything on a profile reads as alarming.


Once I had my profile to a point that spoke the truth, without being wordy, I have never had a problem connecting with women on there.


Good luck.
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  #3  
Old 10-13-2010, 04:02 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marksbabygirl View Post
Its been so long since I"ve been involved in dating and I"ve NEVER dated a woman - so my social cues are off.

Someone calls me "sugar" and "sweet cheeks" and I don't know if that's just their way of talking or if its an indication of interest.
Not a sign ...I know lots of women especially, who use terms of endearment but are only friendly. If you are interested you are allowed to make the first move

Quote:
OKCupid sucks - I send out email after email and get almost no responses. I must be doing something wrong.
Not sure, okc is really hit or miss. Do you have a good profile or pictures up (I forget, its been a while since Ihave been on the "dating" part of that site)

Quote:
But I hate that I overanalyze things - and don't know if I'm reading an expression of interest or not.
...it happens. I do the same thing, and its like a toilet, I spin out of control until I know the answer. Kindof sucks

Quote:
And how the *bleep* do I send OUT those social cues/expresions of interest. I sent a long email to someone expressing my interest in getting to know her better - and no response. There are a couple women I've been talking to who I would love to get to know better - but they keep things at a friendship level - short of saying "I like you - and would like to explore a friendship with the option of moving it into a relationship" how do I?
I would recommend just making friends with them and letting in evolve naturally. To say "I want to be a friend and potentially more" might scare people off. Being someones friend, if there is a romantic connection, will evolve nicely into romance.

Quote:
I understand that they might just not be into me *that* way.... but at least one woman I know - has said point blank that she has very little luck with women - doesn't recognize social cues either - in fact was meeting up with a woman for some time - and thought they were friends - but the other woman thought they were dating.
You could try the old fashioned way. This is also a situation where if you are both used to being the "receiver" in flirts, then you will have problems. Someone has to be the initiator. Its the only way this works haha. To passives sitting there will take a long time to make that first move

1 - make friends
2- feel spark
3 - ask on casual fun time (drinks, movie etc)
4 - ask on date (hey was wondering if you would like to go on a date, maybe dinner and movie)

Quote:
Dating sucks.
You just have to find your rhythm Everyone has a natural "availibility" rhythm. Some date well, others don't. You need to experiment with what works for you. My style is like the one listed above but with some extras

1 - make friends
2 - flirt incorrigibly. Usually pushing topics to see reactions (I do this to gauge not only interest but in their...interests, if they respond well to talk of handcuffs than I know I am interest )
3 - go out for drinks, flirt more, enjoy a night feeling "single" with her
4 - have over or go out for dinner, but casual
5 - have over or go out to dinner, DATE

in the end, and in my opinion, dating is nothing more than hanging out with friends and exploring the potential of that friendship to evolve. Its fun and non-pressured. If it doesn't work you have a friend, if it does work you end up with a partner.

Again, all that said, someone needs to be the initiator
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  #4  
Old 10-13-2010, 06:31 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marksbabygirl View Post
but at least one woman I know - has said point blank that she has very little luck with women - doesn't recognize social cues either - in fact was meeting up with a woman for some time - and thought they were friends - but the other woman thought they were dating.

AHHHHHH!

Dating sucks.
If there are any "women's" or GLBT social venues available to you that are NOT ONLINE, I recommend attending some of their events where you can SEE female same-sex flirtations happening and get a feel for what works for other people. If you see someone that appears to have their shit really together, strike up a conversation with that person and say that you're just getting into the F-F dating scene and are exploring what works for you when it comes to approaching people you may be interested in. ASk people what brought THEM to the place. Don't have any expectations of "meeting someone" right away. Do the same thing you do on this forum... asking people what their experiences are and if they have any advice. But you'll have body language and tone of voice to help you. You'll also know that most of the women you will meet that way ARE interested in other women romantically, so even if you're rejected by someone you approach, they probably will be flattered as opposed to freaked out by it.
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  #5  
Old 10-13-2010, 06:36 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Thanks Neon.

There's a queer party at the end of this month that I"m going to try to get to - its put on by a group that normally does women's only events.

There's one woman who DOES have her shit together and I'll approach her and ask her... I'm good with asking questions LOL

Its a new situation for me - one that is slightly outside my comfort zone - but I'm willing to work through it - women are awesome
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Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create


My Journey to Health and Fitness
My Journey as a Widow

Jane
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  #6  
Old 10-13-2010, 07:03 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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When I met my husband he was wearing one of those T-shirts that says "Nobody Knows I'm A Lesbian"
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