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Old 10-06-2010, 07:42 AM
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NukeeEm666 NukeeEm666 is offline
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Default Living in the open

I have recently started to live my life in the open. Some days it is really hard to deal with the judgement. My parents have known since I was 12 that I am bisexual and have know from day one about the open relationship. My mother views me as a sexual deviant and does not care to even learn about my life. My father supports me even though he doesn't quite understand. I am now open with everyone I meet. I haven't came out to my boss yet though. Is there any trick to getting past the judgement and ignorance? I am at a point where if those close to me cannot accept who I am I do not need to associate with them, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to walk away or to hear the mean things they say.

Also, Is anyone out there from Illinois, NE Iowa, or Southern Wisconsin?
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Old 10-06-2010, 02:50 PM
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There is not real trick that I have found other than to be confident and honest. I talk like it is nothing and ignore the stares I get when I talk to people. I just let them deal with their surprise/horror/lack of acceptance/intrigue.. whatever that expression is.

I usually come out to people quickly because I find I can't talk about my life unless I come out and it means I at least give the new relationship an opportunity to be honest and open before people get to know me and me them.

Most often people either don't talk about that part of my life at all, or they ask a million questions and base our whole friendship on their intrigue, or they don't care that much and like me for me and we get along just fine. usually its the latter two, cause after all, how many do we find that is close to us in life? Not many.

Most days I keep to myself and keep things on the surface. I'm really not that deep in real life I am more deep on here. There just isn't time or room for me to be deep without living on my emotions all day. exhausting. I keep to myself about my life and only occasionally let others in.

When I was younger I spent all my energy advocating for the life I lived (lesbian/kinky/queer/poly/vegetarian) and I am tired of it and don't see the point as much. I just am. Most of the time I don't allow myself to be hurt, because I don't let people in that quickly anymore. It takes time with me now and a whole lot of trust. I'm actually quite surprised sometimes that people think they are close to me... cause usually I am no where near feeling close to them.

Geez I sound real nice don't I sigh....
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Last edited by redpepper; 10-07-2010 at 06:43 AM.
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Old 10-06-2010, 06:19 PM
Edward Edward is offline
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We don't advertise or volunteer information about our relationship. Our friends know about it; we don't actively lie or conceal information; but we don't mention it in casual conversation. So, I may not be the best one to offer advice, but...

First, you're not going to be able to change people. They may choose to change in response to events and information, but you shouldn't waste time or energy trying to convince people who have made a decision concerning you and your lifestyle.

So, you're mostly going to be spending your time talking to people who are willing to listen. Be basic, answer their questions honestly but simply, and you should be fine with these people.
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Old 10-06-2010, 06:45 PM
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I just don't see why you would need to "come out" to your boss in the first place. I guess living in Los Angeles is quite a bit different than the mid-west. If it came up in conversation, just be honest but don't make a big deal of it. If they asked if you spent the weekend with your b/f, just simple say "No, my g/f and I went ...". I wouldn't go out of my way to hide anything, but frankly, most of our personal lives are nobody's business anyway.
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Old 10-06-2010, 11:29 PM
booklady78 booklady78 is offline
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Coming out has ups and downs like anything else in life. My husband and I are openly poly and volunteer the information as needed. We have found a great deal of support from friends and a solid wall of intolerance from most family.
As far as work goes, it depends on the dynamic you have at work. I found that my boss is not very 'warm and friendly' so letting her know isn't comfortable because I don't really share anything personal with her. I am open with my peers and staff, mostly to avoid misunderstandings. Myself, my boyfriend, my husband and his girlfriend all work in close proximity to each other so we often meet up after work. The same day I told some of my staff, they actually saw my husband out with his girlfriend and admitted they would have been confused had I not told them!
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Old 10-07-2010, 01:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NukeeEm666 View Post
I have recently started to live my life in the open. Some days it is really hard to deal with the judgement. My parents have known since I was 12 that I am bisexual and have know from day one about the open relationship. My mother views me as a sexual deviant and does not care to even learn about my life. My father supports me even though he doesn't quite understand. I am now open with everyone I meet. I haven't came out to my boss yet though. Is there any trick to getting past the judgement and ignorance? I am at a point where if those close to me cannot accept who I am I do not need to associate with them, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to walk away or to hear the mean things they say.

Also, Is anyone out there from Illinois, NE Iowa, or Southern Wisconsin?
Why do you feel the need to tell everyone what you are? Just be who you are and live life. As others said, you can't change those who choose not to support you or understand you, you just have to surround yourself with those who will listen and relate to you. Don't spend your time wasting it on someone who won't care. To get past the judgement and ignorance is to just to accept the negativity and keep it moving. Try doing things that make you feel happy. If you like to shop or get your hair done or read at Boarders, then do that. Do your thing. I'm lucky that my friends accept who I am and those are the only people that know about me and my lifestyle. My wife and B never told their families because they don't want to deal with the backlash, since we deal with it enough when we're in public sometimes.

Just remember, life is too short to worry about everyone else's perception of you. Sure when someone says something that hurts your feelings about your sexual identity it will sting at first, but like a boxer you learn how to take the punches and keep fighting back.

Take care of yourself and best wishes.
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Old 10-07-2010, 02:57 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MTmozat View Post

Just remember, life is too short to worry about everyone else's perception of you. Sure when someone says something that hurts your feelings about your sexual identity it will sting at first, but like a boxer you learn how to take the punches and keep fighting back.

Take care of yourself and best wishes.
Is it about perception or simply about being out in the open. If I am "out" I can freely walk with my gf and wife hand in hand. If I am not there are things that are inherently hidden.

And while I might want to go around and not care what people think, sometimes and explanation is required (work, family, friends etc)

I am not the person in this case, just looking at it from the point of person where being "out" might be useful
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Old 10-07-2010, 03:03 AM
Fayerweather Fayerweather is offline
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I feel your need to tell "everyone". I have only told one person at my job and she is young and a friend of mine. I've told my family, my friends and several people in town where I live that interact with me as well. I know it's not necessary for everyone to know what I do in my bedroom and with whom, but the way I see it, if you're gonna tell me how your weekend away with your husband was, then I get to tell you about my weekend with my other boyfriend, or what a sweet birthday gift my boyfriend got from his girlfriend. I love talking about the people I love in my life and if I have to censor myself when it comes to acknowleding my loved ones, I feel suffocated and unatural.
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Old 10-07-2010, 06:28 AM
jlpanian jlpanian is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
I just don't see why you would need to "come out" to your boss in the first place. I guess living in Los Angeles is quite a bit different than the mid-west. If it came up in conversation, just be honest but don't make a big deal of it. If they asked if you spent the weekend with your b/f, just simple say "No, my g/f and I went ...". I wouldn't go out of my way to hide anything, but frankly, most of our personal lives are nobody's business anyway.
SNeacail - I second this whole post!

I have to also re-iterate that if your boss is actually a good boss, then there will be no place to discuss your personal lifestyle choices at work. I own two companies and would never think of discussing this with any worker. I also would be upset if an employee came to me to volunteer this information. I would feel it would be an unnecessary disruption, and should be your private affair and not needed at work.

best of luck to you!
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