Help me fix my mistakes, I need criticism and help. PLEASE!

[ThatGirlInGray]

Originally Posted by GSAS082612

I meant I don't need the criticism about my posts, I need criticism on my post. Maybe I post things for a reason. To get help, not to be told that me and my lover deserve each other because we are drama. I am asking for criticism on what I am doing wrong within my relationship, not what I am doing wrong on the polyamory website. TOTAL DIFFERENCE

This is a fair point, so I take back my facepalm. But when all we have are your words, clarity of what's written is REALLY important, so I'm not going to apologize, but I will thank you for the clarification.

I will point out, though, that MOST of the responses you've received have been trying to offer constructive criticism and advice, though possibly in a less-than-patient way. We can't help, nor can you, that your age and experience (or lack thereof) contribute to your situation, choices, and behaviors. That's just a fact, and choosing to ignore it rather than face it tells me a lot about how you've gotten into the difficulties you're in. So don't "bash", in your turn, a bunch of people who have given of their own time to try to help you, just because a few got nitpicky about something other than your current issues. We are not professionals and never claimed to be. You've been told by MANY posters that you need professional help. I doubt you'll listen, but I suggest you walk away from here, since it's not helping you, and GET that professional help.

[BoringGuy]

I would like to add (even though you probably won't like this) that a person can do all the "right" things and still have a situation or relationship fail, or not turn out the way they would like.

Even if you took every piece of advice on here and did everything everyone said with an open mind and positive attitude, there will always be factors that are beyond your control and which might cause things to not go your way.

There is a difference between fantasy and reality.

[GSAS082612]

Originally Posted by LikeFireToIce

Just because because there is a few messes do you give in? If there are tons of spilled drinks on the kitchen floor, do you replace the tile? No, you clean up the mess. You pick up your mess, and you fix it and it's better, you just have to remember to pick it up. Occasionally you will have to pick up other peoples messes but it is not reason for resentment.

Sweetie, there is no way around what any of us have really said.

Thanks for the good luck, that is much appreciated. I'm glad they intrigue you? I don't know that's kinda creppy, noooo offense Anyways, yeah you are right, I do post these at the peak of my anger and yes all I want is help, Some advice I like, some I don't. But I see what you mean by only I can decide what I want. And nice analogy, again, anologies..... My boyfriend uses A LOT of thise. Are you sure you're not him? Hmmm..... Sorry anyways, if you really are just an on-looker of the situation, then I guess all I can say is, it is a work in prgress. And yeah, I guess I do have to pick up other peoples messes and that they will do the same for me? I'm again, kinda confused on how much you sound like my boyfriend O.o anyways....... Umm yeah thats it.

[BrigidsDaughter]

Alot of people use analogies. We pick them up over the course of our lifetimes. I do find it odd that you suspect LikeFiretoIce of being your boyfriend. Why do you find it so hard for people to see a bit of their younger selves in you?

[GalaGirl]

I don't need people to bash me and tell me how "naive and young and stupid" I am. I already know, I live my life. I hear it on a daily basis.

Who is saying this type of stuff to you on a daily basis? That's getting into the land of verbal abuse.

Are your poly partners doing this to you?

GG

[GalaGirl]

Another thought -- what are your resources? And what is your willingness at this time? Then perhaps people can help give you more "doable" suggestions that match your "budget."

• Your practical resource budget. (time, money, access to things like Internet, etc)
• Your emotional budget.
• Your mental budget.
• You spiritual budget.

Suggesting getting a professional counseling is a good suggestion. But it's "actual doability" for you right now may or may not be a runner if you are broke have no method to pay for it. YKWIM?

To be better able to suggest things to help you sort yourself out, maybe you could list what you have to hand then?

In terms of what you are willing to do or willing to consider.
In terms of what you are able to afford to do.

But again... nobody can give you helpful suggestions for HOW to get to your goal if your goal does not change. A goal of "Fix the unfixable dynamic in a live-in triad situation" isn't going to work.

You cannot force your poly peeps to behave in ways you want. They control their behavior. You control yours.

You may not be ready to give up the "triad" bit just yet.

So could focus on changing the "live-in" bit to see if that alleviates some of the problems of the triad -- living too close together in too cramped quarters can't help this situation..

HTH!
Galagirl