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  #21  
Old 10-05-2010, 04:28 PM
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Wait a minute. Is poly fi suppose to be on one end? I would think sport sex, like swinging would be. I have thought that people sway all the way to that side and work their way back until they reach a comfort spot
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  #22  
Old 10-05-2010, 04:33 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Wait a minute. Is poly fi suppose to be on one end? I would think sport sex, like swinging would be. I have thought that people sway all the way to that side and work their way back until they reach a comfort spot
mono -> non-monogamy - I am a 4 or 5 because I still have some attachment to the idea of monogamy. Pure unadulterated free love doesn't compute with me

Swinging -> poly - for the type of non monogamy I fall into

...my own attempt at clarity may have left things more unclear
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  #23  
Old 10-05-2010, 04:37 PM
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I'm not sure the concept is something that can be simplified enough to be clear since it's such an individual experience.
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  #24  
Old 10-06-2010, 09:52 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I like the terms "relationship orientation" and "lovestyle".

I believe I'm close to 6, but maybe not quite there. I'm not sure. I lived in a de facto monogamous relationship for years, but I also was single for years and that didn't make me asexual. I just hadn't met someone I wanted to be with and who wanted to be with me.
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  #25  
Old 10-06-2010, 10:45 PM
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I guess I'm about a 4? I'm more poly overall, but it also depends on the situation, and the person / people. Every relationship is a different experience. It doesn't come naturally to me to be completely monogamous for years at a time, but I can do it if there are other aspects of the relationship that make this kind of sacrifice seem worthwhile (all long-term relationships involve some sacrifice after all). My usual style in a new primary relationship is to be monogamous at first and then transition to poly after our relationship has a strong enough foundation. How long the mono time lasts depends on the person I'm with and, often, how poly-inclined they are. It's important to me to have some mono time at the beginning of a relationship so we can just focus on each other, but then I like to relax and trust that we love each other enough that our love won't be threatened by having other loves or interests in our lives.

I also don't know where I belong on the poly - swinger spectrum. If I understand correctly, poly = having multiple loves, whereas swinging = having multiple sexual partners but not loving more than 1 person? My natural tendency is to have a primary relationship but be free to pursue secondary love interests and sexual interests. So maybe I'm poly and a swinger? What about the gray areas like loving someone as a friend, and enjoying having sex with them, but not feeling romantic love for them?
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  #26  
Old 10-07-2010, 11:13 AM
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Thanks guys . The scale is purely mono to poly. Tried ammending orrigional post to frame this question more clearly (but couldn't get it to edit). I Am interested in how people feel they fit on it (or not) an why.

It is a unitary scale.

0=totaly monogamous - could never be in a polyamourous relationship
1= strongly prefer mono
2= prefer mono
3= happy in mono or poly equally
4=prefer poly
5=stronly prefer poly
6=totally polyamorous - could never be in a monogamous relationaship

Other scales do indeed look at other closely related things and I'm thinking (when I have a sec) I will start another thread arround what ideas people have found helpful to conseptualising their sexuality and relationships.

Sorry for confusion caused by my inexperience asking forum questions


Thanks for the replys and the patience

Nim

P.S, please remember how much experience you have and (its unlikely) that you got there all in one go, patience with newbies is appriciated

P.P.S though i know some people are, I react badly to being told I'm close minded

P.P.P.S. thanks for v interesting ideas/responses I'll reply more asap

Last edited by bimblynim; 10-07-2010 at 11:25 AM.
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  #27  
Old 10-07-2010, 12:26 PM
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Default poly scale

I'd say I am a 4 I prefer poly. I have been in a mono relationship where I was faithful but cheated on. I tried to open it to save the marriage because of children but he preferred dishonesty. Marriage two was mono and faithful but once we divorced we were more poly. He slept with my new girlfriend, and me etc. My current marriage is and always has been poly understood though my partners are both mono by choice and lack of availability respectively. And I am faithful within the triad. So I have had a fluid evolution to practicing what I have always preferred. Would I be open to other set ups? Absolutely, I serve honesty and transparency and greatest happiness possible so yes if it changes I will go with it as long as everyone is as happy as they choose to be.
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  #28  
Old 10-07-2010, 03:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bimblynim View Post
It is a unitary scale.

0=totaly monogamous - could never be in a polyamourous relationship
1= strongly prefer mono
2= prefer mono
3= happy in mono or poly equally
4=prefer poly
5=stronly prefer poly
6=totally polyamorous - could never be in a monogamous relationaship
I see where you are going with that ...thanks for clarity

I would be a -1 as I don't totally identify as either or neither. I am like that floating decimal we all loved to hate in school haha. (unless you loved math of course )

In order to edit the original you may have to get a mod to help, but you could always start a new thread with the wording you intend. That way this is kind of left to its own devices as it was an interesting discussion
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  #29  
Old 10-07-2010, 05:28 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Right now, I feel like I'm a 6, or very close to. I kinda tried mono, but had to turn that relationship into poly. While I don't think I would have said "okay, bye" if my husband hadn't been understanding and willing to give it a try, I think the relationship would probably have crumbled and we would be unhappy, separated or I would be cheating. Or several of these combined.

I don't think I could be happy in a mono relationship. I would feel like I'm not allowed to develop feelings for other people, and it would feel unfair as I have no control over such things.
And I certainly don't believe myself capable of loving only one person and not falling in love for another one. Even when I only loved Rag I knew it was temporary, because I hadn't met the next "right one" yet.
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  #30  
Old 10-07-2010, 06:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bimblynim View Post

It is a unitary scale.

0=totaly monogamous - could never be in a polyamourous relationship
1= strongly prefer mono
2= prefer mono
3= happy in mono or poly equally
4=prefer poly
5=stronly prefer poly
6=totally polyamorous - could never be in a monogamous relationaship


I guess for me this scale indicates a choice related to how a person wants to conduct a relationship as opposed to how they function internally. I often forget that when I use the word monogamous I am refering to how I am internally ,not a description of how I conduct relationships. It's not a choice, it's just my nature.

So if I look at this question from the perspective of how I would conduct a relationship I would be an anomolous 3 for one reason only...Redppper. Without her I would be a 0.
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 10-07-2010 at 06:28 PM.
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