Poly, Structured

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

I am poly. But I don't necessarily thrive as poly in any situation. I'm coming to discover that if certain conditions are met within my relationship(s), I can thrive as poly, but without certain conditions, I don't do so well as poly.

Does that make sense?

I'll try to explain better. I have realized that, perhaps slightly more than poly, I am a dominant submissive. Meaning that I am wanting to submit, but I have a hard time finding someone worthy of submitting to; and that I am usually dominant to most people I meet (at least that is my perception :P ), so to be dominated, since I am sort-of alpha female myself, I have to find someone VERY dominant, very alpha, yet also very loving and worthy. So, I mostly crave a master, but I am capable of switching, if need be. If I have a master, then my life seems to fall into place very easily. Master can then organize and ordain my polyships according to what he feels is best for him and us and me. As the name implies, I love easily and deeply and kinkily. Yet being a discerning introvert, I cannot, lest I stretch myself too thin. A master who knows me and my strengths and weaknesses, and who loves me to distraction (at times, at least), will be able to better keep the boundaries for me that I am simply, for whatever reason, unable to keep for myself; or can bring me fruits that I am simply not capable of providing for myself. I like being 'guided' in moderation in this regard to sexually loving others, with my master being my ultimate and utmost relationship. And him guiding any and all potential polyships.

If I do not have this.....structure, let's say.....then I sort-of fumble around haphazardly and vacillate between being clingy, self-righteous, or apathetic and even angry; I want to rail and rant and rave against poly and my very human feelings that arise with polyships. And a love/hate relationship with poly ensues.

When I have this structure, or even if I just contemplate this structure, everything falls into place and feels workable and lovely and fulfilling, as if this is really me, not just an inkling I have of myself that I cannot realize. Because I feel these imposed boundaries (by someone worthy enough to be called Master) as very strong and impenetrable, so I am able to not only accept them, but embrace them, and even really dig them.

I am wondering if those who are drawn to poly, but cannot make it work; or those who struggle much with it, but still desire it, just aren't finding the proper prescription of poly for them, whatever that may be.

Thoughts?

[BoringGuy]

That sounded wicked hot. Some parts did...

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

Originally Posted by BoringGuy

That sounded wicked hot. Some parts did...

Would you like to elaborate on which parts were hot, and which parts were not?

[BoringGuy]

The parts about you being dominant most of the time and what you want from a master were the parts i found hot.

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

Yes.


Thank you.




I like how I use Master, when I say, "Master knows best for me," etc. I like that. This is the ultimate relationship, isn't it. It is so rich, so full of potentiality to be explored and exploited...

[BoringGuy]

I think a lot of people who don't understand D/s think it's all about doing sexual acts with our bodies. It's sometimes difficult to explain it so that it makes sense to folks who don't get it, that it is more about our minds than our bodies. You did a great job articulating what makes you tick.

I'm not exactly the way you described those things, but in some ways i sort of am. I mean, i'm more like the way you are, not the other way. I am not hitting on you, i sympathize with you. Lol

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

It is what it is.



And, yes, I agree. When I've read about bdsm, it doesn't really jive with me, unless it's The Story of O or Venus in Furs. Enacting a 'scene' seems so contrived to me and superficial. I don't want a scene in that it's something fake to be acted out. It has to be real.

[GalaGirl]

Kink is a head trip. Edge play of the body to get to the head trip but head trip all the same. Good for you for knoing what turns you on in the department.

I am poly. But I don't necessarily thrive as poly in any situation. I'm coming to discover that if certain conditions are met within my relationship(s), I can thrive as poly, but without certain conditions, I don't do so well as poly.

Does that make sense?

Sure. You want it the way you want it. In the way that makes you tick. What shape that is for you is going to be different than the shape it is for someone else.

You have the right to want whatever shape it is that floats your boat. Be it your polyshipping or your kink. You seem like it heavy on the "DS" bit in "BDSM" and you seem to want it to be 24/7 D/s arrangement. That's fine.

I am wondering if those who are drawn to poly, but cannot make it work; or those who struggle much with it, but still desire it, just aren't finding the proper prescription of poly for them, whatever that may be.

Yup. It requires knowing one's own wants, needs, and limits. And then being able to articulate and communicate it to another person.

Like... If you doesn't know what you want or are looking for, how can you hope to date to find it? You can't even tell your dating partner what it is ye seek so you can both discern if this is a runner or not!

You sound like you DO know what you are after -- so seek it out!

Does this....

If I do not have this.....structure, let's say.....then I sort-of fumble around haphazardly and vacillate between being clingy, self-righteous, or apathetic and even angry; I want to rail and rant and rave against poly and my very human feelings that arise with polyships. And a love/hate relationship with poly ensues.

...imply you are entering polyships that fall short of what ye seek? I cannot tell.

If so, and it yields those kinds of yucky feelings, could stop doing that behavior then. Don't get into polyships that are not actually what ye seek. Then you can just love the polyship you DO choose to enter into and not have to deal in "love/hate" stuff.

Galagirl

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

Originally Posted by GalaGirl

Kink is a head trip. Edge play of the body to get to the head trip but head trip all the same. Good for you for knoing what turns you on in the department.



Sure. You want it the way you want it. In the way that makes you tick. What shape that is for you is going to be different than the shape it is for someone else.

You have the right to want whatever shape it is that floats your boat. Be it your polyshipping or your kink. You seem like it heavy on the "DS" bit in "BDSM" and you seem to want it to be 24/7 D/s arrangement. That's fine.

Really? Yeah, I guess you are right. It makes me sound so kinkay~ :P

Yup. It requires knowing one's own wants, needs, and limits. And then being able to articulate and communicate it to another person.

Like... If you doesn't know what you want or are looking for, how can you hope to date to find it? You can't even tell your dating partner what it is ye seek so you can both discern if this is a runner or not!

You sound like you DO know what you are after -- so seek it out!

Does this....



...imply you are entering polyships that fall short of what ye seek? I cannot tell.

If so, and it yields those kinds of yucky feelings, could stop doing that behavior then. Don't get into polyships that are not actually what ye seek. Then you can just love the polyship you DO choose to enter into and not have to deal in "love/hate" stuff.

Galagirl

Yeah, I'm a late bloomer so this is taking me a while to figure out. I realized I was poly while married. My ex was all for swinging, but not loving or connecting, so I didn't get to explore it much. So I haven't been in an official polyship yet. That I know of.


Thanks for your response.

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

Submissive companion.

I like it.