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  #71  
Old 02-08-2013, 04:51 AM
saintvlas22 saintvlas22 is offline
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Velvet, I'm so sorry about what happened to you, and no offense, but your parents sound batshit insane.

That is NOT how normal, caring parents would react. The opinions expressed here have never been about viewing sex as inherently something bad - just the age at which it should be practiced is what is being debated.
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  #72  
Old 02-08-2013, 05:39 AM
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Velvet Velvet is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saintvlas22 View Post
Velvet, I'm so sorry about what happened to you, and no offense, but your parents sound batshit insane.

That is NOT how normal, caring parents would react. The opinions expressed here have never been about viewing sex as inherently something bad - just the age at which it should be practiced is what is being debated.
Thanks, but I'm ok.

My parents were always very controlling. But that is the highlight crazy moment in my experience. Usually my parents left me alone and didn't give me much attention. I knew it was weird then and now, but I've actually been able to get past that and have a fairly good adult relationship with them. From birth to 5, they were great. 6 to about 21 horrid, but after I was able to move out it slowly but surely got better.

My Dad had "the talk" with me when I was 12 and definitely already knew about sex so...at least my Dad tried at once. But no talk of age ever came up with them, they gave me no guidance in that area. I even asked, my Mom not my Dad, and at that point my Mom said it was normal to start having boyfriends in High School but preferably in college.

I don't think my parents view sex as bad. They just assumed my judgement was bad (at least that is the only thing which makes sense) like when one of boyfriends came from a family where no one was a college graduate they disapproved. And then they distrust BB because they actually dislike his mother and have problems with her. Stupid stupid reasoning out of normally smart people.
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  #73  
Old 02-08-2013, 07:04 AM
saintvlas22 saintvlas22 is offline
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Velvet,

You're a better person than me! Systematic emotional abuse like that would have led me to cut out any person of my life as soon as I could, parents or not.
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  #74  
Old 02-08-2013, 10:52 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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On the other side of the coin, my parents made sure I knew what sex was and how to do it as safely as possible long before I had any interest in it. As a result I waited until I was sure I was ready, whereas some of my friends with stricter parents let themselves be pressured into trying too early or had some really weird ideas about safety, STDs, and pregnancy avoidance.

Some people seem to think that by talking to their children about these things they're putting the idea into their heads. I disagree. As a parent you can hide your head in the sand or you can give your kids the tools they need to make sensible decisions. No amount of rule setting will prevent them from eventually doing what they choose to do, but teaching them to make decisions based on reality rather than fear may help them to make the right choice.
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  #75  
Old 02-08-2013, 10:56 AM
saintvlas22 saintvlas22 is offline
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Emm,

Nobody here has ever opined that not talking to your kids or making them fear sex is the answer - we are all equally against that.

The issue is when do you start to talk to your kids about sex? When is it too early? That's the debate we've been having. Throwing some condoms to a 10 year old is what some people are uncomfortable with.
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  #76  
Old 02-08-2013, 11:55 AM
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Factually answering their questions when they ask them is probably a good start. I'm told I asked "how do sheep mothers know not to have goat babies" at around 4 or 5, so my parents found a library book which allowed them to explain very basic genetics to me. Sure, they could have told me the stork knew to keep track of such things, but they chose to answer my questions with facts rather than feel-good stories.

Waiting until you think a child has passed some mystical age which makes them ready to receive factual answers means that they've probably filled the gaps in their knowledge with playground rumours and that you've missed your chance to give them accurate information.
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  #77  
Old 02-08-2013, 02:31 PM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
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Velvet,

I am so so sorry that happens. It shows you have come through a lot to be able to be forgiving to your parents. My parents were totally neglectful and although I am still working through it, I understand how hard it must have been for my mother to have three children (one with a disability) at age 24. Doh! Maybe that's why I'm so down on teenage sex. My mother didn't have an issue with my disability herself, it was society. Can you imagine being 19 and having a stranger come up to you and go "what's WRONG with your baby."

Saint: I just went for it with my son. He knew all about basic sex by the time he was 5. He knew about gay marriage and crossed dressing by 6. He always knew what 'gay" was. He now knows more details than I would like (blow jobs, all the dirty words, porn etc) He doesn't know about abortion. I am pro-choice, anti-abortion and that's painful for me to discuss.
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  #78  
Old 02-09-2013, 12:08 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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I guarantee your son knows about abortion.

I am prepared now for rebuttal about how i can't possibly know what someone else's child knows better than the parent does.

If your son can read and/or understand at least one spoken language, he knows about abortion. Anti-porn software does not apply to information about abortion.
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  #79  
Old 02-09-2013, 12:48 AM
saintvlas22 saintvlas22 is offline
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Stop. Just stop. Nobody here wants to pick a fight, we're just talking.
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  #80  
Old 02-09-2013, 01:56 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nondy2 View Post
He doesn't know about abortion. I am pro-choice, anti-abortion and that's painful for me to discuss.
I'm sorry but that doesn't make sense to me. If you're pro-choice, you should be able to talk about it, since being pro-choice means that you want someone to know what their choices are so they can make an informed decision on their own.

Pro-choice is neither pro- nor anti-abortion; it's about acknowledging and supporting a woman's right to choose, no matter what the choice she ultimately makes. If you are anti-abortion and have all sorts of emotions tied up in being against it, then I guess I can understand why it's painful for you to discuss. However, I don't get how you can say you are pro-choice and it is painful -- if the fact that having a choice and being informed is most important, I believe that should override any sentiments for or against it, and motivate you to discuss it. In my opinion, explaining abortion shouldn't be more difficult than talking about any other medical procedure, if you really are pro-choice.

Besides, I highly doubt that a 10-year-old doesn't know what it is these days. It's in the news so often, I am sure he's either looked it up or talked about it with someone.
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Last edited by nycindie; 02-09-2013 at 02:00 AM.
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