Need Help with Son hitting puberty

[nondy2]

I have every right to use crippled as a person taking back a slur. You, my friend, should not.

[nondy2]

Boring,

Yes. you are VERY mainstream. Moat people agree that having CP or any disability would be their WORST NIGHTMARE. That is the ABLEIST culture. Being a cranky fag would be my worst nightmare.

[BoringGuy]

You are a disgrace to humanity in general and disabled people in particular, nondy.

I'm not sure if i will get in trouble for saying that. If i do, then i accept the infraction as part of being true to oneself.

[redpepper]

Take it to PM Boring and nondy. And ya, infractions coming at ya.

[Vixtoria]

Originally Posted by nondy2

I have every right to use crippled as a person taking back a slur. You, my friend, should not.

Okay I disagree with this for one major reason. It's when black kids in my neighborhood insist they can use the term 'nigger' but others can't. If you are 'taking back' the word, then it's free reign. I was lucky enough to be added to a site called Heartless Bitch. They are taking back the word bitch. So whether I use the term bitch to refer to myself or someone else does, doesn't matter. If they use the term 'incorrectly' then I am happy to point out what it means to me. I don't, however, get to tell someone else they can not use it while I can.


BoringGuy. I'm sorry if I cited you and NYC more often than not, honestly it was more that you seemed to be someone she took as offensive. I don't always agree with you, there are times that if we were in the same room I might even just give you the 'head tilt eye roll'. However, I've never seen you post anything that doesn't have some merit. Even if I don't like how it's worded, don't agree completely, or it doesn't have validity for me in my life.

If I try and write to each individual 'offense' in this thread I'd be here all day! I do think you and NYC along with a few other people that post regularly get a lot of people calling you out. Once they are around more they may get a good idea that things aren't as emotional or heated as they thought, but with the internet, people tend to read a lot of hostility into things when they themselves are feeling hostile.

Also for the record, anyone that doesn't want kids and doesn't have them is Aces! No matter your reasons, sticking to an important decision is better than caving and affecting other people, possibly for life, just because other people are rude about it.

[nondy2]

Huh...? Someone who thinks having a disability isn't the worst nightmare and thinks that crippled is has the same effect as fag is a horrible person? uh, ok..

I agree. I feel bad for people who are chided for not having kids. I think that is horrible and ridiculous. On the other hand, I'd rather not have people who aren't around kids tell me what kids "know." But that is fine.

[BoringGuy]

Yeah i'm not worried about getting the head-tilt-eyeroll in person. I think it was you who said that i know i'm right? Well i know what you meant by that and understand the limits of that condition.

I have been working on an essay/routine/speech about how people on the internet, when encountering aa comment that could be perceived in more than one way, always always always (ok, usually) default to the worst, most negative interpretation of it. I have caught myself doing that too, even when I'm not feeling hostile. In fact, I rarely "feel hostile". I admit that I rub people the wrong way sometimes, but my experience has been that when i try to "be nice", i lose the respect of people who already appreciate me for who i really am. I have discovered that it's better to not walk on eggshells except when it comes to something that would get me fired from my job. that is just the truth.

[SchrodingersCat]

Originally Posted by nondy2

That make me feel misunderstood. I do not agree that a 10 year old in in charge of their body and that it is "their choice". Would you guys think smoking or doing coke is a ten-year-olds "choice". I think that for a parent to even allow that to happen is abuse.

Smoking and doing coke are not natural parts of human experience. They are not something nearly everyone will inevitably do at some point in their life. It's possible to explain coke and smoking in a "these things are terrible and you should never ever do them" way, which you cannot do with sex.

Smoking and doing coke are, inherently, always harmful and stupid. Sex is not inherently harmful and stupid. If your child feels sexual, then telling him he's too young to have those feelings will make him feel guilty, like there's something wrong with him. It will plant the seed that those feelings are dirty and that he should repress them. Do you have any idea what kind of psychological damage that will cause him for years to come, possibly the rest of his life?

[SchrodingersCat]

Originally Posted by saintvlas22

You're not going to stop loving your son if he gets a girl pregnant, but he should damn well know that if it does happen, you're going to put his ass through the wringer. Yes, you can talk to him and inform him of the life choices that entail, but I see no issue in laying down some good old fashioned authority. YOU are the provider, YOU are the holder of resources, YOU are the one in charge. Again, that's how parenting goes, and you are indeed meant to control your kids because how the heck else are they going to traverse life in their early stages of life - they have NOTHING to draw on.

We'll just have to agree to disagree. Neither one of us can be considered the ultimate authority on all parenting methods. Myself, I would have been smothered and harmed by your parents' style of parenting. My step-daughter was psychologically harmed by that style of parenting, and is still trying to deal with the damage it caused.

I never said throw your kids into the big bad world with absolutely no education and just let them figure it all out for themselves. A parent's job is to educate their children and get them ready for adulthood.

You seem to think that it's impossible to teach and guide your children without being a dictator. Sure, China has the best athletes and is its people are really good at anything that requires discipline. China also has one of the highest suicide rates in the world. If depression and suicidal tendencies are the price of that level of discipline, then count me out.

Each kid requires a different form of parenting. The same parenting style can cause one child to blossom and another to wilt. One size does not fit all. Even within a family, one child will need rules that the others won't. Some kids need authority and imposed control. These children will run rampant and behave without thought to consequence if those consequences are not imposed by authority. Others need loving support and encouragement, with freedom to explore and trust that they will make good decisions. These children will choose their behaviour based on natural consequences. Rather than rules, they need lessons. The real trick is figuring out what kind of child you have, and catering your parenting style to match.

Originally Posted by nycindie

Pro-choice is neither pro- nor anti-abortion; it's about acknowledging and supporting a woman's right to choose, no matter what the choice she ultimately makes.

I see no conflict in being pro-choice and anti-abortion. You can support a woman's right to choose without agreeing with her choice to have an abortion. My best friend was raised Catholic and believes, to her core, that abortion is wrong, always. But she also takes ownership of her beliefs and acknowledges that she does not have the right to impose them on others, hence she's pro-choice.

[SchrodingersCat]

Originally Posted by nondy2

A few things: I did ask the boy if he knew what abortion is -- he does. But I have to say I feel a little on the hot stop here...which as a liberal parent is odd. How many people in the discussion have pre-teen children. And since you are encouraging (pushing) me to be liberal have you spoke openly about abortion, porn, transgender, gay marriage, cross-dressing and prositution?

You REEEEALLY need to start acknowledging that your son doesn't live under a rock. Kids these days know way way way more than their parents tend to give them credit for. Half your son's classmates have teenage siblings. Those teenagers love the thrill of exposing their younger siblings to all kinds of shocking ideas. Those other pre-teens, in turn, love the thrill of exposing their classmates to those shocking ideas. I can pretty much guarantee that your son has had some kind of exposure to every single thing you want to protect him from.

Why WOULDN'T you talk about those things? There's nothing wrong with trans*, gay marriage, and cross-dressing. Do you want your son to be the intolerant jerk on the playground who joins the other kids in teasing their little classmate when they find out she has two dads? Or do you want him to be the awesome kid who stands up for that girl and tells the other kids that there's nothing wrong with having gay dads? What if he has a classmate who's trans*? Let me guess, it's not your problem to explain that to him; that trans* kid should have to not only struggle through his or her own personal challenges, but also the burden of educating your kids for you?

I knew what abortion, gay marriage, prostitution, and porn were by the time I was 8. Trans* wasn't really a "thing" 23 years ago, almost no one knew what it was. But parents today can't use that for an excuse. The only effect that had on me was making me less bigoted. It hastened my education and acceptance of "different" people as an adult.

I have children in my life whose parents are terrified to talk about sex, mostly because it makes the parents uncomfortable. I've offered myself as a resource to those parents, and gone over their head and offered myself directly to the children. I make a point of talking about those things like they're no big deal. The best way to make someone really really interested in something is make it taboo. If you normalize it, it loses 95% of its hold.