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  #101  
Old 02-09-2013, 03:52 PM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
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I try NOT! to predict how another person feels about something unless I have been through ..HA HA
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  #102  
Old 02-09-2013, 05:38 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by saintvlas22 View Post
Not picking a fight, huh?
You appear to be trying to pick a fight here. Do stop.

Note to all: If you don't like somebody's style, skip the post. Nobody has an obligation to discuss things in the fashion you prefer. As long as their posts are on-topic and civil, all is well.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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  #103  
Old 02-09-2013, 05:57 PM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
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Hi All,

Boring guy has said things that I find ableist, unkind, and aggressive. If you chose to restrict me from the site...and allow a person to be aggressive and say somethings implying people with disabilities at unhealthy and so on...so be it. Then., this is a place for him. Not me.
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  #104  
Old 02-09-2013, 06:03 PM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
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If comments like this "I feel that i am very lucky to have full use of my arms and legs, and my brain, and that i AM able to roller skate." and comments about the marginational police are OK...and sarcasm is "flaming" go ahead kick me off. I want to find a site that backs up disability empowerment in the same way that this would back up gender issues.
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  #105  
Old 02-09-2013, 06:14 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Originally Posted by nondy2 View Post
If comments like this "I feel that i am very lucky to have full use of my arms and legs, and my brain, and that i AM able to roller skate." and comments about the marginational police are OK...and sarcasm is "flaming" go ahead kick me off. I want to find a site that backs up disability empowerment in the same way that this would back up gender issues.
Okay this here may be where most of the anxiety of posts comes from. See, everyone reads the same words, but they have different meaning. We understand things based on our own experiences. So you have a lot of experience of being discriminated against because of a disability, that is obviously a hot button for you. So you read much of what people say from that view point.

No ONE view point is better than another! Your discrimination isn't worse than anyone else's! That's the part of empathy everyone needs to try and get to.

You don't like people not taking you seriously and assume it's because of your disability. Meanwhile, you don't take other posters seriously because they don't have children. How is that not the same thing?

I have children, children around the same age as yours, does that make my opinion more valid? Honestly, I don't think so. I was a parent long before I had my own children. Raising siblings, nieces, nephews. So if someone is a caretaker or not, a parent or not, I don't assume their opinion is less valid on how to talk to children than mine! Now, that doesn't mean I always agree either, but it has nothing to do with whether they have kids or not!

Take a breath, take a step back and take ego out of it.

To be fair I so disagree with Boring and NYC a lot on here! I also agree a lot. One thing I do notice is both take ego out of their posts. They aren't fighting to get you to agree with them because they KNOW they are right. They aren't even banging fists and heads at people that disagree with them! They are offering their opinion and at most I see them wanting others to at least acknowledge that their opinion, whether you agree or not, is still valid. Even if it doesn't work for you.



Side Note: As for all the things being discussed. I have three kids ages 12-15. Soon to be 16. (pity me) They have grown up always aware of differences. Whether in sexuality, sex, race, religion, culture, or ability. I don't like lying I don't see the point. There is always a level of truth, it's how much information we give them that changes. I am always proud to hear my kids stand up to other kids for picking on someone for being different. For volunteering to help with the kids in the disabled classes and inviting them to play with their group of 'normal' friends. Let's just say, they have a very fluid idea of normal!

We discussed sex starting around age 5-8. Talks are ongoing and more information added each time. They know about poly, they know I have a boyfriend. I never had to tell them because I never hid it. They saw it go from us just talking to then saying I Love You and the I Love Yous being different from a friend to friend then to a relationship kind of thing. What we DO tell them is how to be respectful and honest, no matter what type of relationship or how many you have. Period. We've even pointed out during shows when people aren't respectful and honest how it goes bad.

We have discussed abortion and yes DH and I are prochoice, but that doesn't mean we are pro abortion. We explain what it is, and all of that, and go over what to do in situations. How to avoid ones you don't want and then deal with them when they arise. A great movie to show is on netflix called Rain Without Thunder. It's a documentary style of a world where abortion is illegal and the consequences of that on women. Yeah, my kids have watched it. They watched it with me.
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Last edited by Vixtoria; 02-09-2013 at 06:21 PM. Reason: added to:
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  #106  
Old 02-09-2013, 07:03 PM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
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Sorry, V.

And I think I do need to get off the forum. I was threatened with an infection because I was sarcastic to Boring. My issue with Boring doesn't not come from my paranoia. It comes from recognizing ableism - that able people have 'full control of their mind' bla bla bla. I also have full control of my body and mind -it is just a different one...or that he's lucky not to have CP...Well, OK that is an option, but someone could also say they are lucky to be straight ...would that be ok?

I'm probably not going to get empathy - but I actually have had it harder than most people. I have been rejected and criticized in the job market, dating, education. I have had people routinely dismiss me because on my body and desexulaize me and express surpass that I can have children. In the wider range people with disabilities have faced institutionalization, forced sterialization, bad education, 75% unemployment rate, no presence in the media, and an so on. I'm sorry. I do believe people with disabilities have it harder...I just do...maybe I am wrong...I do not see other people being marginalized in every single aspect of life (including being able to even walk down the street because there are no curb cuts.)

I'm sorry that I am so angry. I feel like overall my arguments are logical. Why is boring entitled and I am being kicked off?
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  #107  
Old 02-09-2013, 07:07 PM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
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I hardly think that "discrimination" of saying people who don't have kids do not have the first hand emotional experience is akin to saying someone who is disabled is "unlucky" and doesn't have full control.
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  #108  
Old 02-09-2013, 07:11 PM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
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If you guys just really want me off, go ahead. Ban me.
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  #109  
Old 02-09-2013, 07:20 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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I think you do need to try and take ego out of it for a bit. I run a few sites and something I often discuss with staff are people who are determined to say they have had it so much worse than everyone else because of XYZ. I don't broadcast everything in my life, I don't feel the need. However, when I get someone on one of my sites that just can not let go of their 'victim card' I am the one asked to privately message them. Simply because if you want to play "Well I've had it worse!" I can play that game and it won't end nicely for anyone.

People DO say they feel lucky they are born white, or straight. You think it isn't a pain in the heart for others? It doesn't lessen their sentiment though. They DO feel lucky, they are allowed to. I'm not going to begrudge someone else for feeling lucky that they DON'T have to deal with things I've had to. Sure, they have made me who I am, and have shaped how I view the world and others, but what is the alternative?

I'm sorry it upsets you when someone says they feel lucky they haven't gone through what you have. It still stings me a bit sometimes when someone says the same to me. Or my absolute favorite (sarcasm intended), "You are so strong!" My inner reply is often, "BITE ME! Like I had a choice!"

Still, I understand that they honestly don't know how to respond. What is appropriate to you is not appropriate to all people with CP, just as not everyone in my situation would respond the same way I do. If you find it offensive, tell them, say why. I promise you most people would stop if they knew you found it offensive and why. They would then go on to explain what sentiment they were TRYING to get across to you.

Two other points. It never ever ever ever (and I mean ever) helps to say "Well my discrimination isn't as bad as theirs!" People without kids are discriminated a lot, and I know people who hate it but feel they can't say anything because of all the people that DO have kids. So they have to lump it. How is that fair? So you may not think your discrimination is as bad as someone else's but it is. It's only different. You think it's not as bad because it's not discrimination against YOU. So of course the things that hurt you are worse. Kinda not true.

Secondly, if you keep with the victim card emo thing, "If you don't want me then ban me! Fine I'll leave!" Doesn't help. It makes you feel worse while you think it makes you feel better. I get it, have totally held victim cards long after their expiration date. Think about it though, do you honestly feel better asking people to get rid of you and then waiting with bated breath for either them to get rid of you or run and kiss your feet saying how sorry they are and please stay? Even if you get every single person to agree with what you see or say that way, do you really win anything?
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  #110  
Old 02-09-2013, 07:37 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nondy2 View Post
Sorry, V.


I'm probably not going to get empathy - but I actually have had it harder than most people.

I'm sorry that I am so angry. I feel like overall my arguments are logical. Why is boring entitled and I am being kicked off?
Okay let's go there. You get empathy, I have seen no one here NOT get empathy even when they are totally in the wrong! People empathize with how they got into a position they are in or what they have been through. You've had it harder, compared to who? Do you KNOW what other people have been through? If not, then stop. Really. It's offensive to me personally that you are just going to assume your life is oh so much more difficult than mine. Simply because you have NO IDEA what I go through. you don't know that every day is a struggle to breathe, to survive, to live. You don't know. So you have had it harder than a vast majority. There are others that have it harder than you too. You do them a disservice and you certainly do yourself one.

Of course you feel your arguments are valid and logical! Most people do! The trick is knowing their arguments are also valid and in a sense logical. Logic isn't as straight forward as people seem to think. Lewis Carrol? Totally logical, if you can understand how. High as a kite that man. No one is booting you, you are booting you. No one said anyone was entitled, other than EVERYONE is entitled to their opinion. If you can't agree with that then no you should not be discussing things with people. If all you want is validation that you are completely right and they are completely wrong, you aren't going to get it. None of us do. Not even Boring Guy or NYC. I've seen them take knocks for their opinions as well.

Sorry but now I'm angry as well. Angry that you feel you have it so much worse than everyone else and so THAT entitles you to behave differently, entitles you to be right while others are wrong. It also angers me that you use it as an excuse. It is a REASON you see things the way you do, NOT an excuse to belittle others and get away with it. We all have shit. Own your shit. Express your shit. Your shit is your reason. When you use it as an excuse you are flinging your shit at others and guess what? We all have more than enough of our own shit. Some of it as nasty as your shit, some not. Doesn't make your shit better or more important.
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