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Old 09-30-2010, 02:15 PM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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Default getting needs met

This is a jump off from My Love Language Profile

LusciousLemon said
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I work days (though I do work from home now, but that only started last November, so take that as you will) and hubby works afternoons/nights. We've been doing this for 3 years now, and the two before that it was simply reversed. My results are similar to yours in needing physical touch and quality time. Our big thing is, even though he usually has to wake me up when he gets home, we always always kiss goodnight and goodbye. But it's not a simple peck running out the door, we do a huge long hug/kiss goodbye. At night it's a half awake kiss, but it makes a difference.

Days off are required to be at least 50% family time (gets our quality time in), and his evenings off we try to cuddle in bed and talk, filling both needs.

We don't have any other relationships currently and looking at this I have to wonder what we're thinking trying to venture poly, but odds are any other partners would have the same schedule as one of us right? Heh, it would be my luck that one or both of us would fall for someone who works 3rd shift.
To which I reply: I normally work days, 7-3, so it hasn't really been a huge issue until the last few weeks. Work is dicking me around & I'm in the process of getting it resolved.

I do go to bed at, or near, the time Breathes goes to bed so we can snuggle. I'm thinking I'm going to have to ask for a rearrangement of time resources until this can be settled.

Even weekends are full with kids activities and running around we need to do during the week but can't for various reasons so that's not quality time.

This Sunday though . The Everything To Do With Sex Show is in London &, if our friend can, we are going! WOOT! It's also our date night, unfortunately son's hockey game falls right in the middle of that & since Breathes won't go with me to a despicable hockey game, our one on one time will be cut very short.

We'll work it out eventually. Communication, communication, communication!

So, how do the rest of you get your needs met when circumstances beyond your control put a not nice kink in your nice, normal, every day routine?

Last edited by Breathesgirl; 09-30-2010 at 02:18 PM. Reason: added a sentence
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Old 10-01-2010, 01:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
So, how do the rest of you get your needs met when circumstances beyond your control put a not nice kink in your nice, normal, every day routine?
they don't get met. I wait until there is a chance to achieve what I need again at a later date and time. I make a plan, schedule it on the google calender. I have RP nights for instance... those nights I get to pick what I want to do. I could spend time with Mono, PN or Derby or with someone else, or no one. The point is that it is my choice, no one else's out of expectation or commitment.

the whole thing with needs is that we have to be considerate of others I think. They help us find ways that we can meet our needs and we have the opportunity to help them figure out how to get their needs met also. The point is to give in order to receive and then be appreciative of what we receive when we receive it.
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Old 10-01-2010, 05:34 AM
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Generally- they don't get met.



I try to just take each day for what it is and enjoy whatever it is that I do get.
But when something puts a kink in my "routine" then I just suffer through it.
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Old 10-01-2010, 01:42 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
So, how do the rest of you get your needs met when circumstances beyond your control put a not nice kink in your nice, normal, every day routine?
This is just the way life is. Things can go wrong at any time. You could return home to find out your house was burglarized or burned down. You could be hit by a drunk driver. Your "needs" would not "be getting met". It's called "having a day". It is not really a "poly" related question. It's like saying "I planned to sit in the sun today, like I do every day, but today it's raining. How can I get my need to sit in the sun met today?"

You don't. You wait for the weather to change and you sit in the sun when it comes back out.

Your problem is that you have to choose between going to a sex show with your partner or to your son's hockey game? I wish I had to make such difficult choices.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 10-01-2010 at 01:44 PM.
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Old 10-01-2010, 04:42 PM
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Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post

Your problem is that you have to choose between going to a sex show with your partner or to your son's hockey game? I wish I had to make such difficult choices.
Nah, the choice is already made on that one. That choice was made when my boys were born. They come first, first and always. Breathes knew this going into our relationship.

The sex show is earlier in the day & will be over with in time for me to get home & get him to the arena on time. If there's a problem with traffic I can just call his dad and ask him to take son & I'll meet them there.

I think my problem lay in the fact that I was very disgruntled about the situation at work which was coloring my perception and not letting me see that my needs were being met, just not in the quantity that they were before. This will change on Monday .

Thanx everyone. I knew that there were other people out there who had to go through stretches where their needs weren't being met (thinking about RP's thread right now & what prompted her to start it). Sometimes it just helps to hear it for oneself.
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Old 10-01-2010, 06:33 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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They don't.

And when life settles down, we re-assess where we're at.

Life is what happens when you're busy making plans.
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