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  #111  
Old 01-30-2011, 03:22 AM
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Just went with no power for about four days. J took pity on us and stayed, and kept two separate fires going the whole time so we wouldn't freeze.

Just got power back - SO grateful. Hot showers again!
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  #112  
Old 02-02-2011, 04:17 PM
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So, there's this thing going around on FaceBook - in several different forms, that says that the GOP is trying to pass a bill that would deny federal financial aid with abortions, except in the cases of potentially fatal health complications and "forcible" rape.

Here's the thing - the sites that are bitching about the bill claim that this means the definition of rape is being narrowed, so that the government only pays for abortions in the cases of "forcible" rape - which would exclude most cases of date rape, statutory rape, or incest.

Directionless anger.

I have it.

In spades.

Ordinarily I try to do my homework, but this time I was too outraged to take the time. None of the sites linked the bill, and there were several of them.
When I saw the first one going around, I thought "...No...That can't be right. Someone must have misread."
When I saw the second one go around, I wondered.
The third time was the charm, and I went ahead and reposted it.

Naturally, it started an argument, and now people are bitching at me for hating Republicans and for not knowing what I'm talking about.

But here's the thing - if those sites are right, and the government is now refusing to pay for most abortions, including those for victims of date rape, statutory rape, and incest, guess what group is gonna get hit hardest?
Girls who can't vote.

Statistically speaking, most rape victims are under 18. Statutory rape means definitely under 18. Incest is generally the same.
So this bill would be denying financial aid for abortions to victims of rape who are often in school rather than working, and who cannot vote against it.

I'm not okay with abortion. I don't think it's right.
I think if you fuck without a condom, and you get pregnant, you should step up to the goddamn plate and take care of your child. You took a foolish risk, and you should bear the consequences with as much dignity as you can.

However, there are cases when abortions are necessary for the health of all involved. If the mother has health issues that would make it dangerous for her to carry a child, then she should not be forced to. And in cases of rape - ANY kind - I think it is beyond unreasonable to expect a girl to raise that child. Could you look into the eyes of your rapist in your child's face, and tell them you loved them? Could you mean it?
Or could you give them up for adoption, knowing that the system is flawed and the child will very likely face the same abuse and rape you had?

I try not to fly off the handle and go on enormous rants, but this was a majorly raw button for me, and I'd seen it enough times that I went ahead and assumed that yet again, rape victims were being fucked over by the government.

I guess all that anger I've been trying to figure out what to do with finally found an outlet.
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  #113  
Old 02-02-2011, 05:34 PM
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Breath...

You do have power to have your voice heard. Write to your Congressmen and your Senators, they will read it. They all have e-mail address listed on the government website (I'd send a hard copy letter also). There is a reason this government works, we can make our voices heard.

My personal opinion on our government is that the extremists and radicals on both sides are necessary (even if we don't agree with their opinion). They are the ones that are willing to bring issues to the forefront, which opens up debate. The opposing extremists counter the argument and eventually, everyone else negotiates a middle ground somewhere that most of us can live with. Then the cycle repeats itself.
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  #114  
Old 02-03-2011, 01:31 AM
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I've calmed down somewhat since my last post.
I've also done some homework. My understanding of this bill is as follows:

The GOP wants to make it so that neither public nor private healthcare providers can use taxpayer money to fund abortions. There are, of course, exceptions: 1.) if the mother has health complications that mean carrying the child would kill her 2.) forcible rape.

Those last two words are my BIGGEST (not my only) problem with it. "Forcible rape" is not defined by the vast majority of the United States. Those states that do define it do NOT include statutory rape, date rape, or incest in those vague definitions.

My previous understanding has not changed: This STILL means that not only will women who do not want to care for a child or who cannot care for a child be unable to have an abortion (unless they can pay out of pocket - and these days who can?) it also means that a group of already victimized girls is going to be forced to bear children that are the result of rape. Most of these girls cannot safely go to a parent or guardian because that's who raped them, or they're ashamed, or scared, or maybe don't even know who the father was.
What this bill means to victims is that if a girl is raped and impregnated, she has to leave it to the judgment of the government to determine whether there was sufficient battering involved for it to be "forcible" rape.

This is a SUPER raw nerve for me because it's been a rough couple weeks, and February is always hard for me because that's when I was hurt. Hearing that the Republicans are (to quote an admittedly biased article) "waging war against women" breaks my heart.

I'll be writing everyone I can get an address for - but the very fact that this bill was proposed shakes my faith to the core.

I see women's rights shrinking every day because a bunch of rich white men who have never and will never suffer the pain of childbirth have decided it's "wrong" for a woman to decide she can't raise a child.

This bill denies women the right to decide what happens to their bodies and their futures. It condemns anyone without enough money to pay out of pocket to the pain of childbirth, and the loss of many, many choices. Don't get me wrong - I am not "okay" with abortion. As far as I'm concerned, it is killing a baby. Don't pussyfoot around it and try to define when it's a fetus versus when it's a human. Don't sugar coat it. Don't alleviate your guilt with euphemisms like "pro life" and "pro choice." Own it. Say it. "Abortion."
What pro-life means to me is "I'm against a woman killing her baby so she can go to college." What pro-choice means to me is "I'm okay with a mother killing her baby because she couldn't feed it anyway."
Abortion is never a good choice. It is never okay. It is always killing a baby. However, none of the other options are better or more "right". You can raise the child, knowing you'll resent it, and probably not be able to provide for the child the way he or she deserves. You can give the child up for adoption, and hope he or she isn't abused, molested, raped, or neglected, knowing all the while that the odds of the system are not in your kid's favour. Or you can take the life of an unborn child whose only wrong doing was that a sperm just happened to make it all the way to the finish line.

Still, I'm suddenly a lot more "pro-choice" than I used to be.

Last edited by Cricket; 02-03-2011 at 01:42 AM.
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  #115  
Old 02-03-2011, 01:47 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I am right there with ya Cricket.
I don't "believe" that abortion is a good thing.
But-I've had two.
Right, wrong or otherwise-at those two times, I believed that bringing the baby into the world would be selfish of me (I would have LOVED the child, but my feelings weren't the point)so I did not do it.
Neither was due to "not using protection" issues. In both cases it was outside things that would have made carrying the child to term dangerous either to the child AND to my other children.


My first girlfriend was sexually abused by her father, had an abortion.

I don't know of anyone whose had a gov't funded abortion, but either way-making that last designation about the TYPE of rape is very disturbing...
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  #116  
Old 02-03-2011, 02:57 AM
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--hugs to LR--

I just can't wrap my head around the idea of a bunch of rich white men telling poor women that they have no choice but to bear children that they cannot take care of for reasons of either emotional or physical health.

Having been hurt, and having been terrified that at fifteen, I would have to drop out of high school to raise the child of a rapist, I am NOT ok with the idea that such an already vulnerable group of women is being denied rescue.

Last edited by Cricket; 02-03-2011 at 03:02 AM.
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  #117  
Old 03-02-2011, 05:08 AM
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"...Do not, as some ungracious pastors do,
Show me the steep and thorny way to heaven,
Whiles like a puffed and reckless libertine
Himself the primrose path of dalliance treads,
And recks not his own rede."
Hamlet (1.3:45-51)

I don't like that I identify with characters like Ophelia, and Anna Sergeyevna (If anyone's read "The Lady With the Dog")I shouldn't feel like that, but time and again, I find that I do.

Like Ophelia, I'm a little tired of being the one painted a sinner when I know full well I'm in good company. I'm a little tired of wondering how much of what I'm hearing is truth, and then being called a liar myself. I'm a little tired of being expected to be 100% honest when I know it'll hurt people's feelings while simultaneously being expected to hold together everyone's little lies and illusions.

Fuck this house of cards.

I'm not playing by someone else's arbitrary, deception-based rules. Maybe that makes me childish, but I feel like with the number of times I've endured jealous tantrums over nothing, I'm entitled to pitch a fucking fit myself.

After Karma and I broke it off so I could get my head straight, I feel like my sex life stopped being his business. When he challenged me, already angry and looking for a fight, demanding answers, I lied.
Yeah, I took the easy way out. Yeah, I did the wrong thing. I've owned up to it, admitted my wrongdoing, and apologized. I don't like lying. I wouldn't have done it if I thought my choice to fulfill my needs would be respected.

I've got too much on my plate to be much in the mood for compassion or guilt right now. I've seen too many people lie to my face and then turn around and preach at me to be particularly contrite. I'm done with double standards. Karma can step out on his wife with any young thing he finds at a club, but I can't (while single) explore a potential relationship without him talking shit about J in my ear the whole time? I don't want to make this into a huge thing of "he-said/she-said" but goddamn, it is hard not to feel like I'm getting fucked in the ass by rules that don't apply to everyone across the board.

I wonder if I'd still be dealing with this if everyone else's dirty laundry were out there on the line with mine? I'm trying *so* hard not to spill everyone's secrets just for spite and retribution.

Last edited by Cricket; 03-02-2011 at 05:15 AM.
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  #118  
Old 03-02-2011, 05:12 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Spite and retribution tend to bite us in our own ass.

BUT-I do understand quite well having the desire.

I've been there too.

It's always hard when people don't see eye to eye. It's harder yet when people have something very important to them, and it doesn't happen to be important to someone else. It's like trying to mix oil and water.

Hugs
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  #119  
Old 03-02-2011, 02:40 PM
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Cricket,
Hold your head high. You don't owe anyone answers, or anything, especially to someone you broke up with. When someone confronts you in anger, sometimes lying is what you need to do to get away from that negative energy and preserve your well-being. Getting entangled in an angry argument sucks, so it's easy to understand wanting to avoid it and protect yourself, especially if you know continuing the conversation will be counter-productive and only add fuel to their anger. My ex's anger is so scary, I would do almost anything to not deal with it when he got that way. Everyone lies once in a while, and everyone lies to themselves all the time, no matter how much they say they lie an honest life.

The earth hasn't stopped turning. No need to let yourself get caught up in other people's dramas. Sometimes it's necessary to stop all contact indefinitely.

Focus on your life, school, getting to know yourself, and growing as an individual. I am always impressed by your maturity and insights. Don't take on his or their anger as your own. Go placidly amid the noise and haste.
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  #120  
Old 04-01-2011, 02:10 AM
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Cricket Cricket is offline
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There are two sides to every story.

In the interest of not continuing an already relatively ugly fight, I will not be posting mine here, at least for awhile.

I want to thank you all for your support and advice, and wish you well on your journeys! If you wish to remain in contact, feel free to send me a private message, and we'll figure out another way.

I'll remember the good times with gladness, and take lessons from amid the tears.
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