#11
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I think I'm getting a little more clear. But it really does take some quiet empathetic reflection to grok the whole seeing *anyone* mainly in terms of "a sexual object," since I've always apparently been wired to blend sexual desires and intimacy with all the other aspects of intimacy -- e.g., emotional, intellectual, spiritual.... That doesn't mean that I haven't had a lot of crotch-centered Ye-Ha! juices flowing upon seeing a beautiful, sexy person (of either sex) -- I have. But all of that energy is always somehow wanting to fruit in the heart center, if you know what I mean. There's a kind of circuitry that the body wants, a flowing together of all our aspects--e.g., sex and loving. That's how I see it right now, anyhow. And it's like crators on the moon. They are there when you look and see them.
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#12
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I guess my relationship with my ex changed that. For the first time I really could see and value the wonderful things about me, because she valued them so highly. Things I knew that I loved about myself took on a new significance. And made it easier to accept the other facets. Because she accepted them too. Over time that feeling of self-acceptance and self-love eroded to a degree, but I'm really in touch with it again now. Redpepper has posted before that you are your own primary, and I agree. I've never felt as committed to being my own primary as I am now, because I feel totally worthy of love. This is why I feel impelled to break down the last significant barriers to intimacy in my heart. |
#13
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Wow, that's beautiful!
However, I'd caution against an approach that involves an intention to "break down the last significant barriers to intimacy in my heart." I understand the spirit of the intention (it's one I share), but the words evoke a subtle kind of self-violence. I propose, instead, that you love those barriers, embrace them in a warm loving acceptance, but see through them such that they disolve because they are no longer necessary or useful, because they are not what or who you really are. Folks like Jack Kornfield -- http://www.jackkornfield.org/home.php -- and John Welwood -- http://www.johnwelwood.com/ -- have been among the most important guides in my life in learning this (so much as I have), as you shall see if you were to read some of their excellent books. Both men are buddhist meditation teachers AND psychotherapists. Wise and generous souls! |
#14
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hmmm, this is an interesting discussion
I have very little to add to the current topic, just wanted to make my presence known ![]()
__________________
When one limits themselves in terms of love, they have missed the point of love altogether ~ RazeGeneration |
#15
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Hello and welcome, RG.
Mind if I ask what your sexual-affectional orientation is? |
#16
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Hey River. I'm gay. Always have been, don't even know what it's like to be attracted to women. That's why this conversation is so interesting to me. I don't really know what it's like to 'discover' your sexuality, so to speak. It's just always been.
anotherbo, I was wondering, have you ever been attracted to male friends before?
__________________
When one limits themselves in terms of love, they have missed the point of love altogether ~ RazeGeneration |
#17
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Actually no. There used to be a big disconnect in my head between wanting men in the general sense, and wanting any one specific guy. Also practically all of my male friends have been more like activity partners than people who I felt close to. The only times (before just recently) that I had any interest in a guy was when I felt like he was trying to get in my pants, and that only happened to me a couple times.
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Anotherbo
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#18
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how did you react when guys tried to get in your pants?
And if a relationship develops between you and a guy, are you more looking forward to the sexual aspects, or emotional? I ask because when I first started dating, those things were separate, and mostly still are, though I'm working on it. If I liked a guy, I would shy away from jumping his bones too soon, however if I got in a guys pants early, I tend to not care much for them. There have only been few exceptions for me...
__________________
When one limits themselves in terms of love, they have missed the point of love altogether ~ RazeGeneration |
#19
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Hi, I'm not a gay man, but I cant resist a thread with "gay bi queer" in the title!
Actually I often feel like a gay/bi man in a female body, so... Quote:
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![]() BTW, you said you want to connect with men emotionally now, whereas before you were just more into the cock. My gf and I joke about how we'd be content with each other sexually, but... sigh... boys and their darn sexy cocks. One must put up with a lot of lame guy crap (bad communication abilities mostly) just to get to play with those yummy cocks. I must say, after 30+ years living with a straight vanilla man, it's so damn refreshing and easy to be in a LTR with a woman (even tho she's trans). This is in reference to typical male/female communication styles, and .... present company excluded, of course. River, you're so eloquent, it's a pleasure to read your posts.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley Mags (poly, F, 62) Pixi (poly, F, 40) my partner since January 2009 Kahlo (poly-curious, M, 45) my bf since August 2017 Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013 |
#20
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Well, its only two times I've been approached that I didn't feel an uncomfortable vibe, Raze. Both of those times I let it happen, but the sexual contact wasn't too great.
I get what you're saying about quick sex vs. holding off a bit. Generally I'm trying to go slower now, as I'm really looking forward to the emotional aspect fueling the sex. That's what seems to really turn me on these days, connection. But I might be overdoing it a bit! Two nights ago I met a woman I really liked, who was very into me. After hanging out a couple hours we had our heads together, and she said something that gave me a strong urge to kiss her. I resisted it, and told her about it; I had told her earlier I wanted to go slow. She said, "That tells me we're gonna kiss." I said, "I'm sure we will soon, but not tonight." Now I'm thinking, that was just as much a mistake as going too fast. Kissing her in that moment would have felt very natural. But I held back, worrying that my willpower would crumble entirely. Seems like I'd be better off just relaxing into the natural trajectory of an interaction, not trying to steer it one way or another. Anyhow, I'm sure I'm gonna be just as spastic with men as I have been with women lately! I've blown several attractive possibilities; the only bright side is that the opportunities keep showing up at a gratifyingly steady pace. |
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