Not wanting to judge

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

I'm still working on why.

-Derby

The "why" wouldn't even be important to me if I didn't think it will eventually impact aspects of my relationship; I would just turn away. But I think it's worth looking at for me because the more I choose not to participate the more I can expect to pull back from more and more of our community. Now that I have a space and shared property to look after I could easily lose myself in home repairs and riding. I have to watch that. I could turn into a handyman room mate more than a intimate partner LOL!....wait now..at least Redpepper would be free to date whoever she wanted..hmmmm I'll run that by her ;( I'm going to wear it for that one. When's the next Sagacity?

[Derbylicious]

Yeah Mono, you're asking for trouble even suggesting that RP would be "better off" being able to date whoever she wants to. The thing is she wants to be with you. I think it might even run deeper than that. You guys have an energy with each other that I think you both need.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

Yeah Mono, you're asking for trouble even suggesting that RP would be "better off" being able to date whoever she wants to. The thing is she wants to be with you. I think it might even run deeper than that. You guys have an energy with each other that I think you both need.

I'm just trying to get my ass smacked..what's a guy got to do around here?!!

[marksbabygirl]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

I'm just trying to get my ass smacked..what's a guy got to do around here?!!

Get down on your knees and ask nicely???

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Redpepper was invited to a halloween party by a friend who used to swing. She asked me if I wanted to go and thinking very quickly I said "No, but I will babysit so you and Polynerdist can go!"

So if Redpepper didn't have another partner I might feel guilted into going to something that I really didn't want to. How's that for a benefit of poly

To be honest, when she asked me why I didn't want to go I promptly stated "Cause I am a judgmental son of a bitch". Acceptance is very freeing for me it seems.

So this party was last night. I stayed home and watched LB so Redpepper, PN and Derby were free to enjoy. My instincts were right in this case.

Redpepper was telling me about the party and everything was fine..until she mentioned the $20 rooms and orgy room that were available. My judgement kicked in. She then told me about a guy smacking her ass and lots of them talking to her and making comments no doubt with the hopes of finding a new hole to penetrate. My belief that swingers simply can't engage in social events without overriding sexual goals is only reinforced and so I find myself even more repelled by the concept of engaging them on any level. It's even starting to affect my desire to hang out with good friends of ours including Redpepper's NSBF and wife but I am going to fight that in myself as we enjoy a lot of family fun together.

I expected them to have more fun without me there and I was right. I would have lost my mind and admittedly put a damper on several peoples fun if I thought any disrespect was directed at Redpepper or Derby for that matter. I'm sure my reptilian brain would have had a great time though

There was also lots of casual flirting that I have no interest in seeing or hearing about really. Simply that they had a good time is all I need to hear LOL!

Now the good thing. I was totally cool with them all going! Just because I live with them doesn't mean I have to participate in everything or be with them all the time. I suspect I will spend less time doing social things that are hosted by certain interests groups within the non-monogamous community. The community seems to be opening up more and expanding in both numbers ,diversity and activities, which makes me want to be around people from my old community even more. I'm ultimately very vanilla in the social realm.
I'm fine with that but will have to watch just how much I avoid things.

I will have to work on the balance between being true to myself and what I want to do socially and making sure I maintain my intimate connection with Redpepper.

Feel free to flame me for being judgmental, hell I can't get over it either LOL!

[NeonKaos]

There's only one "e" in "judgmental".

Other than that, I don't see what the problem is.

[LovingRadiance]

Honestly-I suck cause I can't flame ya.

I read your post and my reactions were the same as you were describing yours to be.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

There's only one "e" in "judgmental".

Other than that, I don't see what the problem is.

Corrected Ma'am

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance

Honestly-I suck cause I can't flame ya.

I read your post and my reactions were the same as you were describing yours to be.

I'll have to flame myself. There is something that really bothers me about how I react to these types of sexually open/charged environments. I used to think it was because I felt I was holding Redpepper back from doing what she really would like to. Now I'm more convinced that It is purely judgment based on my much different view of sexuality and sex within relationships. I'm totally ignoring other aspects of complete human beings because I won't even open myself to getting to know them. Part of this is I rarely feel the need to get to know people anyways. Friendships come to me by way of work and other friends. Most friendships are only active when I am in the same virtual or real space. Out of sight, out of mind so to speak. So from my perspective friendships don't and shouldn't require work. From that point of view it is hard to knowingly open myself up to people that I already know I struggle with.
Throw into that a lingering doubt about Redpepper's happiness with my sexually withdrawn mono ways and you have a recipe for self inflicted exclussion...that only affects me if it hurts my connection with RP. Otherwise I would say fuck it and be quite happy with my family and the few friends I have and my sexually withdrawn bubble.

I am perfectly happy and feel solidified in my views of sexuality, I just wish I could be the same for other peoples' views. Is this just a natural tendency to want to be around people with similar values and views? Is this a sense of hidden threat to my relationship with Redpepper? Is this a morality judgment?

Is this question even really worth my concern? What are the implications of simply accepting that I am not completely accepting?

Enough thinking..time to rake some leaves...now that is something I could do with lots of people!

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Enough thinking..time to rake some leaves...now that is something I could do with lots of people!

I could have used you today.