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  #1  
Old 03-25-2013, 06:33 AM
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SweetSensations SweetSensations is offline
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Red face Would you drop your current partner for confessing to not using a condom?

Soooo, apparently I went out in the desert got came back with a few arrows in my a$$ so you can learn from my mistake.
I am upset with myself because I didn't put the condom on the bedside. I saw his cock and remember thinking, I don't want my saliva cleaned off I don't want the oil cleaned off. Both men have put an enormous amount of trust in me to be condom safe. MM even though he is a self proclaimed germophobic, trusts me to use condoms outside our relationship. MM, could lose his account in my city but is still willing to meet with me.

Wow, what a costly oxytocin high mistake. New STD testing, and waiting 3-6 months to see if I have HIV/maybe getting Dr. Feel good tested to see if he has anything.

Honesty or lies? I am way above average for truth. Would it behoove me to tell MM that the condom slipped off and so I need to go get STD tested ...yadda yadda? Should I suck it up and tell the truth which will probably hurt him.


Dr. Feel Good texted me and says come over for rendezvous, in the Jacuzzi with conditioned water and I will make you some Gumbo and wine.

He asked, do you want me inside? All I could think was please oh god yessss, please stick it in. Now I gotta tell MM that I was irresponsible and need to wait 3 wks to get STD tested. I just can't believe I made a conscious decision to do that and that I wasn't thinking condom, I was thinking fellatio oil on penis. I usually also have an insulated cup with water by the bedside to wipe away most of the germs/ oil. BTW, grapeseed oil is good for a massage and fellatio. I didn't mind the taste. Gotta get those omegas somehow.

About a month ago I told MM to go ahead and look for a woman in case he lost his account here he had a better chance of being set up with a new woman in his own city since he is so particular about her being clean. Wow reality is sobering.

I come from a sexless marriage these two men are my sexual mates and I have a loving H.
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  #2  
Old 03-25-2013, 12:44 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Tell the truth now, and it'll be much better for you, and much less drop-worthy, than if you hold onto it and it comes out another way, which it likely will (guilt is a bitch).
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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Old 03-25-2013, 12:45 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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For the record, I would drop someone in a hot second if they slept with me before telling me that they'd made this mistake with someone else. If they told me first, apologized profusely, professed disbelief that they could have done such a thing, and then did the waiting/testing like a responsible person, I wouldn't drop them.

But getting dropped or not shouldn't be your first concern. Doing the right thing should be.
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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Old 03-25-2013, 04:03 PM
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SweetSensations SweetSensations is offline
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Default Have not lost sight of telling him what I have done.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetSensations View Post

He asked, do you want me inside? All I could think was please oh god yessss, please stick it in. Now I gotta tell MM that I was irresponsible and need to wait 3 wks to get STD tested. I just can't believe I made a conscious decision to do that and that I wasn't thinking condom, I was thinking fellatio oil on penis. I usually also have an insulated cup with water by the bedside to wipe away most of the germs/ oil.
Telling him is a given, posting what I have done on this site is part of my personal smack down. None of you can kick my butt as well as I already have but I did expect to be met with people who would chastise me for my actions. He or I usually already have the condom on the nightstand. Plus I can't blame him I must take responsibility for my own part in this fiasco. All of us are STD tested clean 4 months ago. No, here is where it stops with myself. No one else will be at risk.

All partners are aware of each other. The only thing I am contemplating is how to tell him without hurting him. Thanks AnnabelMore
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Old 03-25-2013, 04:04 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Here's how I perceive your post. I could be wrong:

I feel bad.

Your feelings about yourself right now? Are cruddy and blah. You could choose self-respecting behavior by choosing just tell all partners what's up. Could forgive yourself your faux pas. To start returning back to right relationship with yourself.

I made a mistake and had risky sex.


Mistakes can happen, even to the best of people. Brain hormone dump can impair judgement. Condoms can break. People deal. You could choose to deal with it.

Quote:
Would it behoove me to tell MM that the condom slipped off and so I need to go get STD tested ...yadda yadda? Should I suck it up and tell the truth which will probably hurt him.
I perceive that as

Should I tell all my partners so they can decide for themselves if they want to get themselves tested?

You could choose to treat your partners with respect and report what's up. Then they can know so they can make informed decisions about testing if they want it. Or not if they do not want it. It is up to them.

You could choose good intentions (honest, straight up, trustworthy) rather than bad intentions toward your partners. (dishonest, lies, untrustworthy) Up to you how you want your intentions to be.

The HOW to tell, when you tell? Could just tell MM straight up.

"I made a mistake in judgement. It resulted in no condom sex. I wanted you to know asap so you can make your best health decisions from a place of fully informed and know what's going on here."
Could keep it simple. You aren't a horrible person. Just do the job in front of you.

GL!

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-26-2013 at 03:17 AM.
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Old 03-25-2013, 04:20 PM
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SweetSensations SweetSensations is offline
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Default Please don't misquote

Quote:
Should I tell my partners so they can decide if they want to get themselves tested?
This is not my quote^^^^^

see my quote above in bold please. It is a given I am telling MM (the other knows he is the one who contributed) I was just trying to find a gentle way to tell MM that he now has to wait 3 wks and understand it is confined to Dr. FG and I. MM will not have to get retested for STD's as there is no need to. Dr. Feel Good and I are the ones who have to get retested. Dr. Feel good has to have STD paperwork on file at the hospital. All of us have been responsible to this point. Or at least I have.
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Old 03-25-2013, 04:24 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Sorry, I was still working on it when kid distracted me. I was trying to change it to bold and then continue. I apologize for the time lapse.

Anyway, in continuing... I added to the post above to complete my thoughts. Again you aren't a horrible person, things happen. Could just move it forward and keep doing the right thing by your partners even in light of the new situation.

HTH!
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-25-2013 at 04:37 PM.
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  #8  
Old 03-25-2013, 04:42 PM
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SweetSensations SweetSensations is offline
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Default Misquote in bold but I see what you mean.

Thanks for your help Gala Girl just a slight misquote which really makes a huge difference. I will be confessing for sure. MM will know there was no condom. I was just reluctant to tell him how reckless I was. Oh believe me we learned a rough lesson.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetSensations View Post
I am upset with myself because I didn't put the condom on the bedside.... have put an enormous amount of trust in me to be condom safe...

New STD testing, and waiting 3-6 months to see if I have HIV/maybe getting Dr. Feel good tested to see if he has anything.

Honesty or lies? I am way above average for truth. Would it behoove me to tell MM that the condom slipped off and so I need to go get STD tested ...yadda yadda? Should I suck it up and tell the truth which will probably hurt him.
Now I gotta tell MM that I was irresponsible and need to wait 3 wks to get STD tested. I just can't believe I made a conscious decision to do that and that I wasn't thinking condom
, I was thinking fellatio oil on penis. I usually also have an insulated cup with water by the bedside to wipe away most of the germs/ oil.
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  #9  
Old 03-25-2013, 05:01 PM
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SweetSensations SweetSensations is offline
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Part of my problem was also that we usually do fellatio first and second round and Intercourse 3rd round. We switched from fellatio in second round to him laying on me then him saying do you want it inside you?, then immediate penetration.
I know goober behavior but that is what we did.
Now I tell MM today on the phone or tomorrow in person.
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  #10  
Old 03-25-2013, 05:04 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Don't lie about it. You'll feel bad for lying, and it might come up later, at which point he will trust you less.

You were overexcited, you forgot to use a condom, you're sorry. Don't wait any longer to tell him all of that! You probably should have told him before you told any of us here. The only thing that would make a difference to me in how upset I would be with a partner is how long they waited.

If they told me right when they noticed, sent me a text from the other woman's place, I'd forgive them in a heartbeat. I'd be annoyed about having to use condoms but that's that. If they waited until we were about to have sex, that would be the worst (I'm not even willing to consider that someone could have sex with me before they told me about it... I would be more upset than I can imagine, because it would actually be putting me at risk for no reason) and I would be more upset.

So, tell him as early as possible, and don't make up excuses. He might notice and it would make things worse. Plus you should be honest with yourself, that's part of making up for your mistakes: acknowledging them.
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