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  #31  
Old 09-27-2010, 06:25 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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I agree with you entirely LR...swinging and poly are definitely under non-monogamy. No two ways about it. Monogamy is a state of mating with only one. Monogamy as defined from its onset has nothing to do with love but rather contractual proprietorship of another's physical body. I think the difference comes into play when people are defining the ethics of sharing their bodies with people. I do not trust swinging situations because of the disconnected anonymousness of it. That is me...I do not trust it. On the other hand, polyamory because it involves creating a loving situation of trust and connection and the real spirit of sharing, is moral in its spirituality. There can be three or more love interests in a polyamorus unity because you are sharing your mind and body in a devout way. You are devoted to making that person/s happy and whole. Sex isn't a using of another's body for your own averice. It is the opposite in polyamory, you are sharing your self as a whole not just a body and welcoming others in a generous way of giving yourself in support of their happiness. Too mushy? Too out there? I don't know enough about it because I am not interested in it. I was interested in finding out why people engage in it, in particular swing clubs and the "sex" atmosphere, but I have never wanted to have random sex with a stranger. I actually made a reservation at a local club that 2Rings and KT went to so that I wasn't making a judgement before actually investigating it. After talking to 2Rings about the reservation it was decided I was not really ready for the club and it may not be a good idea for just the two of us going without KT. I was kind of relieved that he cancelled on me. 1)It gave me a chance to really think on it and decide it isn't something I need to know. 2) I think I would have been pressured for sex if the three of us went. I had an out and I was glad 2Rings put the brakes on it for me. I trust everyone's input on here especially those who have commented on swinging, and I don't think it would be enjoyable for me. I am just not into this poly life for the sex. I need to love him to enjoy sex. Sorry my love. 2Rings and I did talk extensively, and although I am still uncomfortable with the two of them swinging just for health reasons, I told 2Rings it was no longer a necessary "boundary." Yes, I am hypocritical- I hate boundaries. But this was more about health. I trust he would disclose anything and everything to me. I also asked that when they engage in swinging that before we are intimate again, I would appreciate a health screening. He agreed. I love him. And I do not want any resentments to come between us. That was yesterday. Today this thread and the article jumped up at me. And so the comments. It seems it was a popular topic this week! I still do not trust swinging but I can't really expect everyone to agree with me, not even the ones with whom I am in relationship.
I do know that swinging and polyamory are both under the umbrella of Non-Monogamy!
I also had to laugh at the reference to Morning Glory in the article!

Last edited by Morningglory629; 09-28-2010 at 04:56 AM. Reason: Spelling error and words too harsh
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  #32  
Old 09-27-2010, 09:01 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ariakas View Post
i think, and i may be misinterpreting but i keep coming back to this thread. I think the premise is just plain incorrect. Both swinging and poly are subsets of non-monogamy or open relationships. There is no poly umbrella...or swinging umbrella..imo..
bingo!
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  #33  
Old 09-28-2010, 12:33 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I'm not sure I get what you mean... The graph also has a section of poly that doesn't overlap with open. A relation ship can be open and poly, open and not poly, poly and not open. It seems true to me. I fail to see why that graph is bad. Do you feel that "open relationship" should be a section that has no overlap with either poly or swinging? Because I disagree, personally.
Under the term "nonmonogamy," one can find poly folk, one can find, swingers, and one can find folks who are neither poly nor swingers who have open relationships. By trying to equate "nonmonogamous" with "open," one cannot use "open" to describe those relationships, because "open" then includes both poly and swinging, too, so the best one could do would be to say "it's open and not poly or swinging" which is one helluva cumbersome way to described things.

On the other hand, if one doesn't equate "nonmonogamous" with "open," then one can say that a relationship is "open" and it automatically means "nonmonogamous and not poly or swinging." "Open" thus refers to a sub-set of "nonmonogamous" and not the whole shooting match, which makes it a much more useful term; it also means we won't have to try to find a new term that means "nonmonogamous and not poly or swinging."

So, no, the meaning of open should not overlap with poly or swinging, as they are distinctly different things. People can engage in any particular mix of those things, certainly (and my wife and I are poly and open). The terms describe different things, though, in a useful fashion when that distinction is attached to them. IF the graph just shows all of the different ways people can engage in this thing and the other, then, sure, there's a need for overlapping areas. In terms of definition, however, it removes usefulness from the term "open."
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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  #34  
Old 10-06-2010, 01:53 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Ah, I see. I don't see things the same way. I feel you can be poly and open, poly and closed, open and not poly, etc. So I can't say I have a problem with the graph as it shows things the way I see them too.
I don't think one can use "open" as meaning "nonmonogamous" as there are closed nonmonogamous relationships.
However I'd have trouble saying that my poly relationship isn't open. It definitely is an open relationship.
So, It's poly and open. One doesn't equate the other, but a relationship can be both. Overlapping without one of them completely including the other seems the perfect reflection of that to me.
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  #35  
Old 10-07-2010, 03:21 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
Ah, I see. I don't see things the same way. I feel you can be poly and open, poly and closed, open and not poly, etc.
Yet you just agreed with me. The word "open" and the word "poly" describe different things. They can both appear as descriptions of a nonmonogamous relationship. To say a relationship is "open," however, is not to also say that it is "poly"--which is my point. That graphic, as I see it, suggests that poly is simply a subset of open, which is something we both agree is not the case.

[/QUOTE]
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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  #36  
Old 10-07-2010, 04:14 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
That graphic, as I see it, suggests that poly is simply a subset of open, which is something we both agree is not the case.
I don't feel the graph suggests that. Part of the "poly" category doesn't overlap with the "open" one, and part of the "open" category doesn't overlap with the "poly" one. To me, it says that they are different things that can happen simultaneously, but don't have to.
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