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Old 09-14-2010, 02:11 PM
Varmint Varmint is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 2
Default Lost.

I am 27 years old and a tattoo artist. So is my husband, and he is 38. We have been together for 7 years. I have always been the odd duck...hell, I was a dancer when we met while I was training for my career. We own a shop in Florida. We were/are swingers for a long time, but the attraction of no-strings sex with strangers has lost its attraction and actually led to some weird situations. Also, he now has a performance issue when the lady in question is so new and he hasn't gotten time to know her. I don't feel sexually fulfilled anymore unless I meet a person the "normal" way and sparks fly and the attraction builds naturally. Currently we have 2 friends, both male, that I have slept with in the past. Still friends even though we don't do that right now. I think of myself as "the girl that will still be around after Ms. Almost-Right goes away" because I just don't feel possessive of my sex partners, and it seems that my relationships with these friends outlasts their traditionally romantic ones. Last year my husband green-lighted sex with one of these friends, but it was the first time he was not an active participant (this friend was not into the threesome idea). Emotional fallout ensued...we are still trying to work out the logistics of having separate dating lives while remaining each other's primary relationship. He feels insecure about dating other women and his own "game", or lack thereof. I feel insecure that each time I am with someone new, no matter how infrequently it occurs, that it will hurt him. He feels that he is married to me for ME, that he knew "what I was like" when we got together, and that denying me new lovers would be killing a huge part of my identity. So there we are. We're working at it. I just want a place to vent and learn from others that have been down these roads and still maintain happy marriages. Yesterday we pulled an all-day all-night talking session and I am soooo drained but we needed it. It would be so much easier if I could just turn this stuff off like a switch...the really awesome part is that leaving the person I love more than anything would not solve the problem. I would get "itchy" in any foreseeable relationship...just the way I'm wired. I totally feel like a terrible person, a terrible wife, and that he deserves better. He told me to let HIM be the judge of that I love him And I wanted to talk about this stuff before I'm actually considering a new partner...that whole situation gets ugly fast. I'm just so...lost.
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Old 09-14-2010, 02:17 PM
Varmint Varmint is offline
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Oh, yeah. I also just got a scarlet letter "A" tattooed on my ass. Really.
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Old 09-14-2010, 05:54 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
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Welcome aboard.

Kind of difficult to see that "A," I think, so how can it serve as warning?
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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