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  #81  
Old 12-05-2010, 07:25 AM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
I'm at a point in this relationship (with V) where I don't want to open up anymore....I have a LOT of walls in place for self preservation purposes. It hurts too bad, to open up completely, only to get shit on later. I have deliberatly separated myself from my emotions so I don't get hurt again. And that sucks.
Enjoy each stage as it comes and don't push yourself or let anyone else push you faster than you are ready to go. Is V or your wife pushing you to move faster, or are you beating yourself up because you aren't moving as fast as you think you should? What's wrong with spending time just enjoying V's company for a good long time, before going further?
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  #82  
Old 12-05-2010, 01:18 PM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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Take a time out, breathe, realize that you WILL make it through, under, over or around this. Give yourself permission to feel.

Start with the little things like being happy that you were able to trade kisses with V & nothing bad happened & work your way up from there. Do it slowly, do it lovingly. Let L & V in on what's actually going on with you so they can help if possible. Take your time. They will still be there tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after........

Many hugs
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  #83  
Old 12-06-2010, 03:51 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Enjoy each stage as it comes and don't push yourself or let anyone else push you faster than you are ready to go. Is V or your wife pushing you to move faster, or are you beating yourself up because you aren't moving as fast as you think you should? What's wrong with spending time just enjoying V's company for a good long time, before going further?
Thats just it...No-one is pushing anyone. I feel like the relationship goes stagnant....Then, it takes a HUGE step...Then sits and simmers...then again with ANOTHER huge step, and then simmer...Uggh....I am used to constant forward movement.

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Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
Take a time out, breathe, realize that you WILL make it through, under, over or around this. Give yourself permission to feel.
This is a big problem for me. I'm afraid to let that happen again. I did it before a couple times....once before my wife...then with my wife, it took me a LOOONG time to let her in.....but I did let her in. It has worked out well for me to do so, but AFTER my wife, I let one other woman in....and well...if you've followed my blogs at all, you know that went poorly. So I'm a bit gun shy. I'm also afraid of letting someone get too close, for fear of how my wife will react. She has admitted that she has jealousy issues.....Unfortunatly, I don't know how to help her work through them. So I get frustrated....and then shut down.....and want nothing to do with anyone. It's a vicious circle. It happens almost EVERY time we go out with V.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
Start with the little things like being happy that you were able to trade kisses with V & nothing bad happened & work your way up from there. Do it slowly, do it lovingly. Let L & V in on what's actually going on with you so they can help if possible. Take your time. They will still be there tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after........

Many hugs
I try to do this, but....I'm so bi-polar that it is difficult. As I have no clue what I feel from one minute to the next. One minute, I'm elated. Then next, I'm PISSED...about the same incident! Right now, I feel like such a fuck up and a retard.....Because I can't figure out WHAT I feel like from one minute to the next.

When L asks me what I "feel"....I try to avoid the question. I know it will end in an argument. Why? Because I will say something that will irritate her, then, in an attempt to try to clarify what I was saying, I contradict myself. Which makes her even more mad. (justifiably so I might add)So then....I shut down....Which makes her even MORE mad, and is totally unproductive. It happened no fewer than twice today.

I just don't know how I can keep doing it. I'm keeping V at an arms distance emotionally for now. I just don't want to get her involved in MY personal "mind issue".

Signing off for tonight....Thanks for the hugs Breathesgirl.


p.s. On a more positive note, we all had a 3-way kiss today! It was AWESOME! Kept me going through the rest of the day thinking about it. I was shutting down, and that picked me up...To see that she was into my wife also really helped.

Thanks for listening guys and girls.
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  #84  
Old 12-06-2010, 04:54 AM
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Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
I'm keeping V at an arms distance emotionally for now. I just don't want to get her involved in MY personal "mind issue".
As this is still a new relationship, I don't see a problem with this, don't be so hard on yourself.


Quote:
On a more positive note, we all had a 3-way kiss today! It was AWESOME! Kept me going through the rest of the day thinking about it. I was shutting down, and that picked me up...To see that she was into my wife also really helped.
Ahhh, warm fuzzies
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  #85  
Old 12-06-2010, 11:24 PM
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Consider this. You are who you are. No one who knows you long-term will fail to see your foibles. If your "mind" is as distressing as you perceive it to be, consider seeing a counselor, just for you. If it is just your personality, and you know you don't plan on changing, don't bother hiding it. No one can wear a mask forever.
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  #86  
Old 12-07-2010, 03:19 AM
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Sigh....Today...I feel GREAT! I am in a good mood...My wife and I are on the same page....V and I are on the same page....L and V are on the same page....Life is good.

I'm feeling more comfortable than I have in a LONG time....Like I may be able to lower some walls...and let V in closer....Still not quite sure though.

This Friday, we (V, L , and myself) are all going on a bit of a trip together. I'm an MMA fighter, and I have a fight Friday. L and V will be sitting cage side rooting for me. We are all riding to the fights together....Spending the whole evening together. So...if I get knocked out.....I still win! He...No worries for me!

God...I REALLY love my wife! She is so understanding of me and my feeble mind.....and she helps me through my mind issues so well....I hope V is up to it too. :/ I really worry about that....a LOT!
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  #87  
Old 12-08-2010, 11:53 AM
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Wow...Today is a decent day. Woke up nice and early to go to work, but there isn't any work to do in the shop....sooooo.....Yeah. I get the day off w/o pay. I need that money! Grrrr!!!!!!!!!!
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  #88  
Old 12-08-2010, 12:50 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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TL, I've said it before and I'll say it again. You need meds, man.
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me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
I am in a somewhat new relationship with Luka
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  #89  
Old 12-08-2010, 01:00 PM
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LOL Magdlyn, I can't afford to go see the doctor right now... So....when I get more $$$, I plan on going to a holistic doctor in our area. I WANT meds, but not narcotic ones. I feel that narcotics are part of what causes cancer in our bodies.
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  #90  
Old 12-08-2010, 01:31 PM
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SSRIs are not narcotics. I'm into alternative health too, dude, but it doesnt sound to me like a little St Johns Wort is gonna cure what ails you.

That's for mild depression, not wild debilitating mood swings like you suffer from. You can't see how you come across, but it pains me to read your posts day to day. I wish you'd take it more seriously.

But I dont expect you to listen to me... hell, my own ex-h couldnt see the forest for the trees either.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
I am in a somewhat new relationship with Luka
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