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  #61  
Old 10-09-2010, 02:23 PM
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There I sent a text to talk to him after he gets off work (yes I sent him a message first) I don't get all this dating stuff, it all hurts and feels good in the same day. I just want to be happy and not fight with T any more. I was up most of the night crying mostly cause T is upset with me, but yes cause i have to talk with D today.I am so scared that it will not go well.I truly feel a conection with D and I see it in his eyes when we are together and T says it all the time( He's falling hard for you) Hell he shaved his head but asked me first if i would be ok with it.Hell yesterday we all went to David's Bridal and I tried on my wedding dress for him and T, he told T "Wow she looks so beatiful in that dress, but she would look that way in any dress"
So I guess we have mixed feelings here. But I need to put it out there so we are on the same page.
I will not let someone come between T and myself.
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  #62  
Old 10-09-2010, 03:02 PM
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She has tried the "let's have some coffee" thing. Same result. In fact, he says he doesn't like coffee, but prefers hot chocolate. So, she invites him to Starbucks so he can have hot chocolate while she drinks coffee....Same result. I can understand this though....because a coffee shop SMELLS so strongly like coffee. I think it actually turns his stomach to even SMELL coffee. Nothing wrong with that. But she has asked him to simply take her out....and nothing.

I suggested to her, that she lay back for a little while, and let HIM pursue HER. She got pissed at me. My thought process is this: If he takes an active roll in pursueing her, then he is interested. If not, then he could care less, and she is just a piece of ass to him. (which may or may not be "ok" with her. I have no idea)

I just get so worried that he is going to hurt her.....Not physically....but emotionally. And who has to help her pick up the pieces? Yep...Me.

She has asked him to simply go to the beach, or just hang out at the mall or she even suggested that HE make some plans to go somewhere. He said "ok", but has yet to step up to the plate and actually DO it.

Now, in his defense, he IS the outsider, and doesn't want to piss me off or cross any of my personal boundries. I can respect that. He asked L out last week once when she called him. He asked if she would mind if he came to visit with her while she was waiting for me to get off work, at Startbucks on Friday. (L goes to Startbucks to wait for me to get off work on Fridays. We go out to lunch after my work, and then ride our motorcycle around and enjoy each others company) She told him that I had an issue with them going out on dates while I was at work. He immediatly said that he was fine with that, and appologized. He also apologized for being so distant the last few weeks. (It has been almost 2 weeks since L has even SEEN D) He said that he noticed that she had stopped texting him as much. To which she replied that the phone works both ways, and he could text her first. He didn't respond.
Breathes & I are sort of in a similar situation. He has two other women he's interested in. One is a long time friend & FWB. He's invited her for coffee, over to hang out, offered to go to her house...to no avail. Part of it is she is a single mom of three young kids so is hard pressed to find kid free time but a good deal of it is that she only wants him in her life when it's convenient for HER. ie. Sunday nights he would text her to see if she was free for coffee Monday after he got off work. More often than not the answer would either be no or no response at all.

We have talked about it. Even though I want to tell him to just drop her and anything to do with her I won't. It would hurt him even more than she is & it might shake our very foundations...something I don't want. He has finally stopped even trying to make a date with her. His words were similar to L's--she can use the phone/computer just as well as he can, let her do the communicating for once.

Unless we have something planned he's ALWAYS available for her, she knows this and takes advantage of it when she thinks it will do her the most good. Example: In May we were all at a play party (Breathes & M & Possibility & I) together. She went so they could play, had a babysitter, the whole nine yards. She asked him what he would like to see her wear. He gave her two or three options. She showed up and wasn't wearing any of the options. Later on they were talking and it turns out that she's making time for other men in her life but he's left standing in the cold, so to speak. He made our excuses, we made sure my volunteer shift was covered and Breathes, Possibility and I left.

I don't want to make this into a mini-story so I'll say that even though she's making a decision while she's hurt it might just be the right decision to make. However, it might be for the wrong reasons or a partial correct reason.
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  #63  
Old 10-09-2010, 03:14 PM
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Just a note on quiet, introverted type guys (I live with one). If he has asked a couple times for a date and been turned down, justified or not, he maybe feeling rejected and therefore has stopped asking out of fear. They may say everything is fine, when it's not. You may have to play 20 questions in order to get any details out of him.
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  #64  
Old 10-09-2010, 08:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
How does that explain all the douchebags in the world then?While I would love to think this is true of men, it just isn't. Sorry.
I agree, but I don't think I said that solves the problems with all of the douchebags in the world. It is true of men, whether they cheated or not. Sorry.

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My thoughts, and I will quote where required. Not all men communicate or know how to communicate in the same way. To assume anything malicious by either of you, may be incorrect without all the information. Understand his communication style and you might understand more about how.
Well of course he doesn't have all of the information, but TL shouldn't be allowed to sit back and act like everything's okay. All I said was the he should just keep an open eye. No harm in that. He already described his communication style, which is really not a communication style.

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Maybe he is just not into sex. Not every guy is a hornball. Has she tried "lets have coffee"...not sure but I would read to much into not wanting to have sex. Not every relationship is about sex either, maybe he doesn't even understand what he wants.
True, maybe the guy is confused, but if he is, then maybe he should reconsider staying in the relationship. Poly is more complex than mono. because its more than two people in the relationship. If you don't go into this with a clear head, knowing the possible outcomes, you're fucked.

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Hmm this is a tough one. Can you feel that way, yes. Is it your job to confront him...well personally no, I don't think so. My personal opinion is it is your wifes confrontation. You can support her but it is her relationship. Its hard to do, but will be better for them if it is to work.
I disagree. I don't specifically know all of their boundaries, but if a guy is allowing someone to be with his wife, then he has a right to confront that person because that third party is involving themselves into an already established relationship, agreeing to their rules, no matter if its just the woman's boyfriend. Its not just her relationship, and he should have a right to express his concerns. I agree with SN. LT and TL need to play 20 questions to find out what's the deal here.
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  #65  
Old 10-10-2010, 04:26 AM
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Ok, L and D met today to discuss this specific issue. I will allow her to post the results tomorrow as I have a tendency to mess things up.
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  #66  
Old 10-10-2010, 01:23 PM
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Ok I went and talked with D and we agreed to slow it all down. We are not ending it just letting things progress. I asked if he wanted alone time with me and he said not right now as he is still trying to build the bond between T & I. SO we have agreed to just slow down and see what may happen. I told him that was fine but as he also has another female he is pursuing then I am going to continue my search for a poly relationship. Not that I am trying to put what we have on the back burner just need to keep my options open.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MTmozat View Post
True, maybe the guy is confused, but if he is, then maybe he should reconsider staying in the relationship. Poly is more complex than mono. because its more than two people in the relationship. If you don't go into this with a clear head, knowing the possible outcomes, you're fucked.
Yes I agree with this. He is confused but I told him we will take it slow and work on this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MTmozat View Post
I disagree. I don't specifically know all of their boundaries, but if a guy is allowing someone to be with his wife, then he has a right to confront that person because that third party is involving themselves into an already established relationship, agreeing to their rules, no matter if its just the woman's boyfriend. Its not just her relationship, and he should have a right to express his concerns. I agree with SN. LT and TL need to play 20 questions to find out what's the deal here.
This I also agree with but I want to try to talk it out with D first and then if things don't change, then I would ask T to talk with him. But I feel that I can handle this at this time,I have never ask T to not be involved. Just to stand back for this one and see where it may go.
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  #67  
Old 10-10-2010, 01:51 PM
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Yeah...LOL I would have TOTALLY screwed that up. LOL
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  #68  
Old 11-17-2010, 02:49 AM
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Well, things are fizzling out with L's D.

On a more positive note, L and I have found a unicorn. I will refer to her as "V". V is very much like me....just in female form. She and I share a lot of similarities. She is part Native American....So am I (and from the same tribe too)...She and I are both from almost the same part of Ohio. We both enjoy action movies, rock music, and numerous other things.

V and L get along GREAT!

Last Sunday, V, L, and I went out to have a picnic. It was nice. No kissing went on. Nothing sexuyal happened. Just three people trying to find common ground....Whcih was actually VERY easy.

This Sunday, we are all three going out to watch a movie. Maybe a kiss will happen? If not...No biggie. If so...COOL!
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  #69  
Old 11-17-2010, 03:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
Well, things are fizzling out with L's D.

On a more positive note, L and I have found a unicorn. I will refer to her as "V". V is very much like me....just in female form. She and I share a lot of similarities. She is part Native American....So am I (and from the same tribe too)...She and I are both from almost the same part of Ohio. We both enjoy action movies, rock music, and numerous other things.

V and L get along GREAT!

Last Sunday, V, L, and I went out to have a picnic. It was nice. No kissing went on. Nothing sexuyal happened. Just three people trying to find common ground....Whcih was actually VERY easy.

This Sunday, we are all three going out to watch a movie. Maybe a kiss will happen? If not...No biggie. If so...COOL!
All very cool my friend! Good luck
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  #70  
Old 11-20-2010, 02:46 AM
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WOO HOO!!!!!!!!

So tonight, I was at the mall with L (my wife). She said I should ask V if she wanted to go to my next fight on Dec 10th. So I did. Her response: "SURE!" I gave her the details of it, and told her I would understand if she had to work. It IS on a Friday, afterall. She said she would trade a shift with a co-worker so she could make it! WOW! Asside from my wife, I've never had a person who would reschedule their WORK schedule to watch me do ANYTHING. Let alone an MMA fight.

Then, I told V that L and I were going to Winghouse to watch UFC tomorrow night, and asked her if she would like to join us. She said SURE! I'm feeling pretty good right about now.

This is a different feeling than a sexual high.....it's more mellow, but feels good.
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