A new adventure

[TL4everu2]

Tonight, L and I have been talking via Facebook chat system
We actually play acted a bit. She acted like she and I were boyfriend and girlfriend, and each were married to someone else.

Weird huh?

Anyway, we made some progress this way. And it helped to eliminate some of the yelling and screaming issues we have when we speak verbally.

I am getting closer and closer to being "ok" with a lot more. It will still take some time, but I'm closer than ever before.

The honest truth is this though: The thought of them going to a hotel room together, while I am sitting down poolside.......totally turns me on. The thought of them going on a date while I am at work....scares the hell out of me.

But I'll work through it. I want her happy. and her D makes her happy. I know that I make her happy as well. She has smiled more in the last 3 weeks, than she has in about 3 months prior. That, alone, is worth the whoel thing.

[Livingmybestlife]

Sometimes when Hubs and I are fighting, we text each other. That way we have to stop and think what we are saying. We do it from other rooms, and it makes things more concise.

Being the hinge, I know each of my men have fears. I know hubs more then BF.

I think being able to be honest with your fears is critical. My hubs was with holding feelings and let them out today. Hopefully, we are back on an upswing.

[TL4everu2]

Ok, been off the vitamins for a little over a week now. Feeling good most of the time. I really think that these damn vitamins were causing me to go off the deep end.

Now, for a question to everyone else.....Did anyone else here ever have any aprehension about your wife/husband going out on a date alone with their OSO while you were at work, but not other times? I have that aprehension. Uggh. It really sucks, because L and her D only have so many days a week where their schedules are cohesive and they can see each other. I am obviously in the way often times too.

It just bugs me that she would go on a date alone while I am at work.

I am considering letting them go on a date alone sometime in the near future. How soon is up for grabs.

[PollyPocket]

Originally Posted by TL4everu2

It just bugs me that she would go on a date alone while I am at work.

I am considering letting them go on a date alone sometime in the near future. How soon is up for grabs.

TL....as you know....YES, I grappled with this too. I still have apprehension. I think that it is because of 'boundary issues'. In this whole cluster of a mess we created, I never really had ANY boundaries other than this one. Can't we cut ourselves some slack and say, "if I am most comfortable in this zone, can't you two respect that." End of story. Ah, life in the ez world!!!

P2

[TL4everu2]

Well....Tonight was DIFFERENT!

L and I went over to her D's apartment. One thing lead to another, and we all ended up playing around....L and I had discussed before we got there, the possibility of me "going for Subway to get food" while she stayed there with him alone. L said "whatever. if you're comfortable with it, then go for it I guess.". So, after about an hour of playing around (and having a BLAST while doing it) L looked at me and asked "Hey honey, I'm kinda hungry. Do you think you could go get some Subway?". I got up, and said "Sure! I'll be back in a while.". I got up, and got dressed. I took orders from L and her D. Then I told them that I would be about 1/2 hr or 45 minutes. L looked at me and said "BS! It only takes 2 minutes to get there from here!". I looked back, and said "No, I just KNOW it'll take at least a half hour...and possibly 45 minutes.". Then I winked at her, looked at her D and said "And while I'm gone, feel free to do whatever you guys are comfortable with." Then I left and went to Subway. I sat in the parking lot talking to a poly friend for about 20 minutes to occupy my mind and my time. Then I went inside and placed the order, got my food and headed back. Well, apparently, my timing was superb. I went back to D's apartment, and I tried to listen at the door to see if they were done, but when I touched the door with my ear, it moved! So I was obligated to go ahead and open the door and go in. As I did, they had JUST FINISHED! LOL I didn't interupt, and had arrived with impecable timing.

Now, while some of you have noticed that I have an issue with L going on a date with D while I'm at work, I had NO ISSUES with her and him being alone while I was at Subway. I knew what was going on, and I was fine with it. In fact, it kinda turned me on.

Anyway, I was a bit high from the whole experience still while we all ate....food. LOL

Well, L and D sat and looked at some pics that our daughter drew and posted online, on his computer. I was bored, but fine. Then, I saw the time. It was nearing on the time that we had to leave....and D was looking mighty tired. (justifyably so I might add. He had gone 5 or 6 times within a 2 hour period) So I said, "Honey, we need to be going." She said "ok", but refused to even get up off the ground. This went on for a good 5 minutes. Finally, I stood up, frustrated, and said, well, I'm going out to the car. I'll be waiting in the car. She still didn't get the picture that I was upset. I went to get the car.....she and D finally came out and said their goodbyes. L got in the car and asked if she had done anything to make me mad tonight. I exploded on her. I told her "Of course you did! WTF!!!???? What did you THINK I was going to be when you almost REFUSED to leave? You realize that it seemed like you didn't want to go anywhere with ME, but you were fine with staying there with HIM?" She broke down in tears. She appologized over and over again. Then I realized how much I had hurt HER. I felt about 2 inches tall. I really need to work on my anger.

L, if you're reading this...I'm sorry for making you feel so bad.

Back on track again. For some odd reason, it seemed like I was being ignored because she was SAYING "ok, let's go"....but she was not DOING that....instead, she was dragging her feet and trying to stay even LONGER. If she had asked, I might have been willing to simply go and pick up the kids (which is why we had to leave) and come back to pick her up a couple hours later. But she didn't ask. We talked it over on the way to pick up the kids, and she appologized over and over. She honestly didn't realize she was doing that. I accepted her appology, and appologized myself for blowing up on her. I also promised to try not to blow up on her anymore when I was insecure or feeling like #2 instead of her #1.

Bottom line, we worked it out, and I am OK with her and him being alone for periods of time together....but still not while I am at work.

And I am still on a high. (but I think I ruined hers. )

[Breathesgirl]

Originally Posted by TL4everu2

Now, for a question to everyone else.....Did anyone else here ever have any aprehension about your wife/husband going out on a date alone with their OSO while you were at work, but not other times? I have that aprehension. Uggh. It really sucks, because L and her D only have so many days a week where their schedules are cohesive and they can see each other. I am obviously in the way often times too.

It just bugs me that she would go on a date alone while I am at work.

I am considering letting them go on a date alone sometime in the near future. How soon is up for grabs.

Actually I PREFER if he dates while I'm at work! I'm physically and mentally occupied so my mind doesn't dwell on who he's with and what he could be doing.

[TL4everu2]

I find that I think about THEM, and not work....putting my job in jeapardy.

[Breathesgirl]

Now that just sucks!

We prefer to have our date nights with others while our Primary is at work or busy elsewhere because that way it isn't taking time away from each other because were are normally busy with other things during that time any way .

You'll figure it out when the time is right for you to do so.

[Magdlyn]

TL, it seems to me that you're fine with them being together alone while you're nearby and somewhat involved in the date. Going to get food for the 3 of you, or "sitting poolside" while they're getting it on in a hotel room.

But while you're at work, you're not comfortable. So, it seems to me, you're not jealous she's with D, you're just envious of her having a good time while you're at work.

Are you envious of ANY fun she has when you're at work, or just sexy couple time?

OTOH, you did seem jealous she didnt jump up to leave the instant you said you were ready to go at the end of the night. Glad you both apologized for that incident.

BTW, he came 5 or 6 times that night? Damn! He's a hottie.

[TL4everu2]

Ok, it seems like we may have found a solution....kinda. L and I are (hopefully) getting a job where we work together. Which will mean that we have days off together, and the same hours. This may work out well.

Magdlyn, to answer your questions:
Not really envious of "any" fun she has while I am at work, but kinda. Hopefully, this new development will help with this issue.

The issue with her not leaving, is done now...HOWEVER, I was upset because she was ignoring me. Her husband. Her primary. The one who will be there for her no matter what. So yeah, I was a bit upset.

And yes, he came 5 or 6 times that night. This is common for him I guess. For me, it is common the first few times I'm with a woman. But after about the 5th or 6th "date" with them, I am back to once with an hour break, then I can go again. And if you saw how well he was...ahem..endowed.....You would certainly be jealous or envious of her. LOL