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  #161  
Old 05-07-2011, 11:56 AM
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LT4everu2 LT4everu2 is offline
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TL You are not making a mistake posting this. I love you and want to hear what is going on in your head.

I will be fine at the concert alone for 4 hours. Just would like a friend to hang out with until u was able to be with me. But no biggie maybe I will find someone to talk to.

I am trying to get over the issues I have and will only be able to this with your help and understanding. I need you to stay calm and talk to me like I am your lover, wife & best friend. I am not here to hurt u or to stop your desires. I just simply slower at this then u.
I would like to just take is slow and see where it may take us. And you want to go at warp speed and take it fast pace and see it all fall apart. Even though u don't want it to but it usually does.
You ask me about my desires... well I desire for us to find friends and eventually turn that into lovers with others. I am told that I work to slow on this and ppl just leave due to this, so be it. I feel that they were not meant to be with us if they can't just enjoy us for who and what we are. I want to make it last even if it turns out that we are all just friends.

I love you honey and don't plan on going any where's with out you! So i will respect your feelings and go to the concert alone.
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  #162  
Old 05-08-2011, 01:54 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Had a good time last night. Got invited to a co-workers house to play....strip poker. WTF????

But we decided to go anyway. Had a good time. It was kinda sexy.....played a dice game similar to Farkle. And yes, it involved stripping. LOL No sex with them, but had a good time anyway. No alcohol really either. Just a good clean fun time. Goiing to see a concert today with them.
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  #163  
Old 06-16-2011, 12:59 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Ok....LT is interested in a new guy. She really showed me how it's done as far as meeting people in the real world vs. on the computer. LOL She just talked to him when he spoke to her. They hit it off, and have seen each other (kinda) a couple times. Why "kinda"? Because I've been present each time they have been together. My fault, not hers, and he is just trying to "play by the rules" so he can develop the relationship. LT explained our dynamic to him, and he said it was different, but he would be interested to see how it goes.

So, here we grow again.

Today, LT and I spoke before really getting up for the day. We went over some issues we have had in our past, and our not so distant past, which relate to today. We have started to develop a plan to work through those issues and get over them. This was good. (please look into my new thread later this morning entitled "separation anxiety?" for more info on this one)

Over the past week, I have realized that I have been living my life just like the movie "Click". I've been on fast forward so long, I've lost almost 1/4 my married life in a blur. How did I figure this out? The other day, LT was talking to her new beau. I'll affectionatly name him "Model" for here. (Because he IS a model! LOL) Anyway, when LT is showing an interest in a new guy, I really try to pay attention. Both to HIM, and to HER. I pay attention to everything that is said. I pick up key words. One of the phrases I pick up on, is "I would like to try ***". Well, LT said this, and I picked up on it. I told her AFTERWARDS, that I had no idea she wanted to try this certain thing out. She told me "You remember watching *** *******? (a very sexy movie that I slept through most of unless the sex scenes were on LOL) Well, I told you THEN that I wouldn't mind trying ***"........Damn....I totally missed on that. One of my things that I'm SUPER proud of, is that if LT wants something, she gets it. no matter what. And I missed out on this one thing that she wanted to try. In fact, I missed out on it so much, that I never remembered her saying that until I replayed the evening back in my head. Then I was like "OOOOOHHHhhhhh!!!!!!!!" Then I said "damn.....I'm so sorry baby. I'll see what I can do to make that happen for you."

So, I'm trying to slow down a bit and listen more.Will it work? Time will tell.
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  #164  
Old 06-16-2011, 02:03 PM
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By the way, I think I'm going to start calling LT...."Cotton Candy"....OMG! She will understand.
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  #165  
Old 06-16-2011, 02:36 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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TL, you remind me a little of my hubs. He moves at warp speed as well, and tends to miss things here and there. I've had the same "you never said x" conversation with him, and once I remind him he remembers, but at the time it didn't sink in.

I've learned to really express what I need directly when I have his focus because I used to get hurt feelings that I'd told him what I want but he never delivered.

Still, we do have that conversation here and there and I've learned to accept it as part of who we are.
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  #166  
Old 06-16-2011, 03:27 PM
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I wanna learn to dance....but I have no money to take lessons...and I haven't a rhythmic bone in my body.
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  #167  
Old 06-23-2011, 01:49 AM
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Ok...It seems that things with Model will not work out. He did a few more things which made me not trust him. Cotton Candy said that I I don't trust him, she felt she shouldn't either, as I am usually right about guys. So, she said she would stop seeing him.

This was a huge relief to me for some odd reason.

On another front...I think I may have found a trigger for my depression. My back. Thats right. It seems that anytime my back is hurting, I get super depressed. More recently, it has been a realization that I am A) Not young anymore, B) not able to do everything I used to, and C) not going to be able to work physically demanding jobs much longer. The other day, I ended up in the hospital due to the back pain. I couldn't go to work because of the pain. So, the doctor told me I had the following wrong with my back: Sciatica, Arthritis, and bone spurs on my L5-S1. So basically, I will be in pain....The rest of my life. Bummer for me! Well...You know what? Tough shit! Tomorrow, I'll be going back to work again...and on Friday night...I'll be stepping into the ring....for the last time. I love to fight...but it may paralyze me.

Fortunatly, as I am ending my working days...Cotton Candy is just starting hers. She told me before finding this info out "You have worked the first half of our marriage without questions. Now it's my turn for the second half. When I start, you can quit."

I was so touched. However, I will have to find SOMETHING to do to make money. I can't be idle. Period. I may start teaching martial arts again. Maybe.
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  #168  
Old 06-24-2011, 02:25 AM
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Ok....Here is a pic form the weigh ins tonight. Thought you might like it. Tomorrow night will mark the end of an era for me.

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  #169  
Old 06-24-2011, 12:39 PM
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You look so ready to ROCK this! I love you!
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  #170  
Old 06-24-2011, 06:50 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Sorry about your back, TL.
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me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
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