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  #121  
Old 01-02-2011, 11:38 PM
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I'm sure that you three all got a notification that I had replied to this thread, and came here and were like "WTF? There's no reply.". But I did reply, and thought twice about my reply. Here you got though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
It's not a damn game or competition like a stupid wrestling match.

It's love, emotions, being sensitive, knowing yourself... it's not cat and mouse. If she doesn't feel smothered, respect that she actually likes the attention. Sheesh.
Life is a game. You can either play, or not. If you play, you live. If not, you die. Relationships are also a game. If you play, you interact with another person or more. If not, you don't. Simple. I refer to it as "cat and mouse". When one person plays the cat, they are the aggressor. When they play the mouse, they are more timid, and receptive. Sometimes, you have to play a bit of each part, but it's impossible to play both at the same time.

When I asked her if she felt smothered, she hesitated before answering "not exactly". This tells me that she was uncertain or wasnt sure how to answer. It was a yes or no question. Not a lot of wiggle room in it. But I respect her answer. While I'm respecting it, I'm also giving her a little more space.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jade View Post
Wow. I would NEVER play the part for someone who is so poorly invested.
And that's your perogative. However, you would never know how "poorly invested" the person was....until it was too late. The only way to know, is when I actually say "I'm breaking up with you. I just don't want to deal with it." Then, you (or she) would realize how "poorly invested" I was/am. But keep reading please.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
An argument or a few heated words on an understandably stressful day and the relationship that you were head over heels about is suddenly over for you? And you feel like a victim? What the...???!!!
Well...I DO see how trivial you must see this as. I wouldn't say I was "head over heels" for anyone. I was definatly enjoying the company and the companionship. I also enjoyed the fact that she and my wife got along.

I feel that we are all THREE the victim's in this instance. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I'm trying to tread lightly. I've decided to give V space. She seems to have wanted some. I think it is best for now. Maybe next week, I'll send her a message again. But for now...I'm holding off.......and trying to let HER message US first so we don't encroach on her personal time.

I'm not throwing it all away, but I AM holding off on advancing the relationship further, and I AM keeping certain walls in place to protect myself and make it so I'm able to make hard decisions when and/or if the time comes.
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  #122  
Old 01-08-2011, 05:31 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Well, I hope it all works out for you guys. *hugs*
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  #123  
Old 01-10-2011, 12:51 AM
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Jealousy......I hate it....So, I've been sitting back and not being overbearing.....Waiting for V to contact me, instead of the other way around. But all this time away from L and I, has allowed her to be in contact with someone else. Now I feel like we're in a competition with this other guy.

Uggh! Why would I feel jealousy? I mena, she's not my wife.....She's my wife and I's girlfriend. She DID tell this other guy once before that she was seeing US, but yet he keeps trying to get with her. GRRRR!!
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  #124  
Old 01-10-2011, 01:03 AM
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Why shouldn't she have both of you and someone else?
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  #125  
Old 01-10-2011, 12:23 PM
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It would SOUND that simple wouldn't it? And typically, that would be fine......However, she told US (my wife and I) in the beginning, that she was poly-fi, and she wanted to be with a couple. Well, New guy (I'll call him N) was involved in a very LARGE poly family, but has since left that dynamic. He told V, about 2 weeks ago, that he knew that she was poly-fi, he also knew that she was looking for a COUPLE, and that while he didn't meet that exact make up anymore, he was still interested if she was. She told him, at that time, that she was currently seeing a couple and that she was flattered. (This is what she told us anyway, and we have no reason not to believe her.....)She also told him that if anything changed, she would let him know. Now, after our spat, she suddenly wants to go on walks with him 2x a week. :/ Also, we had given her a necklace, which she wore up until this point, and now doesn't wear it at all. Interesting.....L and I do not trust N. We know him from a local poly discussion group, and also know some of his various beliefs with respect to poly. So....No, we don't trust him at all.


On the plus side, V opened up a little more last night to us and expressed some of HER fears. THAT was a nice feeling, even if her fears were unfounded. She fears that we will be (my wife and I) disappointed in her. Like she's not going to be enough or what we expect. I tried to let her know that we care for her the way she is. And not to change anything about herself. She said that it may be a long time before she will feel comfortable to move in with us. L and I both said that we didn't have any expectations about that. I told V that, while living together is a great goal, it is not an expectation or a requirement. She seemed somewhat relieved.

My wife and I have not yet told V that we are jealous of N, yet. We have chosen to sit back, and let this beautiful woman do as she pleases. She is single, afterall, and will attract lots of men and women. I can't help but think that she may be doing this as a defense mechanism so she doesn't get too close, too fast.
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  #126  
Old 01-10-2011, 06:08 PM
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Sigh....Ok, L brought up a good point today to me. I asked her if maybe V was using N to show me how much it hurt to hear about S & D (L and I's previous lovers) all the time. L told me "No. N has just come out of a long relationship and is hurting. V is just a very caring person and doesn't like to see her friends hurting."

This is true. And now....I feel like a heel.
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  #127  
Old 01-11-2011, 12:12 PM
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I had a dream last night....That I actually kinda remembered today. I don't remember ALL my dreams. In fact, it's kinda rare for me to remember one. However, last night I dreamt I was on a cruise ship. I was on it as an employee or something. I have no idea who the group of people I was on it with were, but they were mostly younger than me. Well, I went to take a cell phone pic of myself, and I had no service to even take the pic. In fact, my phone was breaking also. Weird. So I went out on the deck to see if I could get service outside. Still no service, but I COULD see that we were hung up on a sand bar.....This lasted a few seconds, and then we were headed out to sea again.

I am a firm believer that dreams can represent our futures. (Not that they DO every time, but they can) A little research shows that a dream of being on a cruise ship can represent an emotional journey that a person is going through.

This makes sense to me, even if it has represented something past. With V, we hit a sand bar, and then moved on past it. I hope for smooth seas ahead.
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  #128  
Old 01-11-2011, 12:48 PM
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My sister is great at analyzing dreams, she could do it for a living, if there was a demand for that. She is of the school that believes all elements of a dream can represent a part of oneself.

I think the part about trying to take a picture of yourself with your cell phone is significant. It seems to address the way you pictured (wanted) things to go, and how you wanted people to see you, but your old way of doing it was limiting and literally falling apart. And communication was a large part of that. So you had to go out further (onto the deck) where you could see more of the situation (the big picture) to get clarity about what's happening. It's also interesting that you're at a standstill when your focus is on the little screen on the cell phone (could be interpreted as self-absorption or trying to make things fit into a pre-conceived "box"), but then the whole ship (life, relationship) starts to move forward in the water (emotions) when you look around you, include more in your view, and see the situation for what it is.
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  #129  
Old 01-11-2011, 07:36 PM
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WOW Cindie! That's AWESOME!
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  #130  
Old 01-12-2011, 07:10 PM
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GAH! What a rollercoaster!

Ok, an INSTANT LOW, followed by a leveling out! Uggh! I almost puked! LOL

Earlier today, I saw that tonight it's supposed to get pretty cold out. in the freezing levels.....And this is TAMPA! Anyway, V doesn't have working heat at her place, but has a space heater for her room. She tells L and I all the time, that it's still cold in her place. So today, after seeing the news about the weather, I sent V a text inviting her over to spend the night. I told her that I knew we all had to go to work tomorrow, so I would keep my wandering hands to myself and we could all go to bed early. Well, she just now responded, telling me that she appreciated the offer, but that she would be ok, and possibly spending the night somewhere ELSE tongiht! My mind raced to bad places, automatically thinking the worst. Then, she sends me another text asking someone named "T" if they were still on for tonight. HUH? Obviously a wrong number thing, because while my first initial is "T", I hadn't set up ANYTHING with her for tonight! LOL

Yep...As I was trying to figure out exactly WTF was going on, she texts again and says that was meant for another person. (a female with the first initial of T)

A sigh of relief from me......then I realize that she lived as a lesbian for 5 years...married to a woman....INSTANT LOW again! AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 1!!!ONE!!!!!!!!


I'm trying to get busy and filling up my mind so it doesn't wander. I, for some odd reason, can't for the life of me remember what her daughter's name is! GRRRRRRRR
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