Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 09-24-2010, 06:10 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,633
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
you do know oprah is closing shop right?
Better get on it.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 09-24-2010, 06:23 PM
Ragabash Ragabash is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 69
Default

I came out to two of my coworkers yesterday and I have to say that the best work to sum it up, besides surprise, was curiosity. I told them about compersion, how couples will set rules to differentiate it from cheating, about being open with each other's partners in general terms, as well as telling them about Tonberry having a boyfriend (one of the coworkers is Tonberry's friend, she was the one taken most by surprise). For all that yesterday was otherwise not fun for me, it felt good to have that off my chest and now I can be open with the two of the people I feel closest to at work. There is a third person I would consider telling, but she doesn't realise just how big a gossip she is with her tendency to let things slip, and she personally knows the one person in the world I will never come out to, namely my grandma.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 09-24-2010, 06:37 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 284
Default

I got a theory.

I'm pretty sure many of us have met this person before even when in a mono relationship; they are the person who either made "friends" with our SO, or was the last man standing of their social circle to get a girlfriend. Whatever the disguise, they scoured for reasons to drive a wedge between you and the person you had a relationship with. In their mind, for you to be someone serious to your SO, you needed X, Y, or Z qualities and you were lacking in their eyes.

Knowing there will always be people who judge how sound a relationship is and can't keep themselves from passive -aggressively broadcasting it, maybe poly folks hesitate to let others know because of the drama fallout it can elicit from others? If you're already trying to manage the needs and feelings of the people you are romantically involved with - who needs to have to manage the opinions and feelings of "outsiders"?

Sure, we could all come out hollering and maybe we wouldn't seem so odd for the previously unknown numbers becoming known, but at what cost and to the betterment of whom?
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 09-25-2010, 02:47 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,633
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vinccenzo View Post
Sure, we could all come out hollering and maybe we wouldn't seem so odd for the previously unknown numbers becoming known, but at what cost and to the betterment of whom?
this is my question now in life. Who would benefit. usually it's me, so therefore I leave people alone with it. Pretty much everyone knows there is either something going on or knows what is going on... but really, other than my co-workers, I really kinda wish sometimes that I didn't say anything... really its a lot of work to keep them working on their shit around it and oft times I really don't have the energy or time to bother... if they never knew then they and I could go about our merry way together.

I dunno, maybe I'm just tired and burnt out today.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 09-25-2010, 02:46 PM
freeantigone freeantigone is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Kent, UK
Posts: 46
Default

We're not telling our families, we hardly tell them anything anyway. They're bigoted, hurtful, manipulative and have lost their right to be any major part of our lives.

In our circle of vegan friends (who are our closest & most trusted friends too) the fact that we're open/poly/non-possessive/whatever came out yesterday. No drama, they were of the opinion that as long as it's honest & everyone involved is happy, who cares?

Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 09-25-2010, 05:12 PM
MsKtty89's Avatar
MsKtty89 MsKtty89 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ames, IA
Posts: 74
Default

I am considering telling my dad soon, as he would be the most accepting out of any of our family, IMO. He's supported me through a LOT and I can't see this being any "worse" than anything else to him. I guess we'll see if I go through with it...
__________________
Married to my wonderful husband (Laughingman) and we are currently trying to form a triad with our friend. New to poly!
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 09-25-2010, 05:22 PM
vodkafan vodkafan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 228
Default

I made the mistake about a month ago of telling a friend because he knew something was up. After telling me I was insane and should "divorce the bitch" he then avoided me for 3 weeks. He has only just started talking to me again but we don't mention my marriage.
My wife has told one person this week (last night in fact) who thought it was great and wants to meet all of us.
__________________
"The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times but to get up eight times"
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 09-25-2010, 07:56 PM
MsKtty89's Avatar
MsKtty89 MsKtty89 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ames, IA
Posts: 74
Default

I'm sorry your friend was so negative, Vodkafan. I had a friend freak out and put down my marriage, too. It took a little bit for them to talk to me at all and are just now okay talking about my relationship with M and not just with my husband. He still doesn't fully understand poly, though, and associates us with swingers... It's a long process to get everyone on the same page, I'm learning.
__________________
Married to my wonderful husband (Laughingman) and we are currently trying to form a triad with our friend. New to poly!
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 09-26-2010, 06:35 PM
MsKtty89's Avatar
MsKtty89 MsKtty89 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ames, IA
Posts: 74
Default

Just wanted to say I told my dad today and he was supportive. I teared up, which was dumb, but I always worry about disappointing him (I don't think I ever could, but he's one of my best friends and means a lot to me). So we're good.
__________________
Married to my wonderful husband (Laughingman) and we are currently trying to form a triad with our friend. New to poly!
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 09-26-2010, 06:49 PM
TL4everu2's Avatar
TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907
Default

Just came out to a couple more friends last night. One kinda knew, and his gf said "OMG! I would have figured T to do something like that, but not YOU L!". LOL She was SHOCKED. Oddly enough, the club we went to with them, is...."friendly". They frequent that club, but claim they are mono. Anyway, they both thought L and I were "swingers", and wanted to know the diff between "swingers", and "poly's". So we told them OUR version of whats different. They were a bit shocked, to say the least, but theyt are friends, and don't care about it. We also asked them to our "re-do of our vows" on July 2nd. They said they wouldn't miss it, but wanted to know why we said "re-do", and not "re-new". We explained that we wanted to write our OWN vows to reflect the people we have become, and our lives today....as opposed to traditional vows which were written by some clergyman over a hubdred years ago, representing some couple that I have never met before.
__________________
There is a lid for every pot...Sometimes even two or three...
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
coming out, coming out polyamorous, coming out to family

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:45 PM.