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Old 10-18-2015, 07:10 PM
KGMlove KGMlove is offline
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Phoenix, Az
Posts: 44
Default How to have sex in with others in Open Marriage

Hi everyone,

So as I've said in other threads, my husband and I are in an open marriage. We don't desire to have anyone live with us. So it just dawned on me. If we meet and fall in love with someone else who is also married but may not want to share their marriage bed, how the heck do we have sex? I know for us, we aren't sharing our bed because our young kids wouldn't understand and we aren't ready to be that open about it. We are totally in support of each other finding people to date and also have sex with but I can't believe I didn't think about this before. So maybe it's best for us to date single people? We both already found people who are married and wanting to meet for coffee so that's why I was thinking about this.
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Old 10-18-2015, 07:22 PM
KC43 KC43 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 1,876

That's definitely a possible scenario. I'm reasonably sure it's one of the reasons a guy I met last week backtracked on wanting to keep seeing me; he isn't married or involved with a live-in partner, but his teenage son lives with him, so he doesn't like bringing women home lest he set a bad example for his son. And Hubby and I have had the agreement all along that no other partners are allowed at our home; that's pretty much the only non-negotiable agreement we have.

I wouldn't say it's necessarily best to date single people. Some single people can't or won't bring people home either, like the guy I mentioned above. And some married poly people do bring others home; the FWB I just ended things with often spent the night with his girlfriend at the home she shares with her other partner, while said other partner was there. Some couples have a guest room where they can share a bed--either overnight or just for sex--with another partner. Some couples arrange it so one partner is out of the house when the other wants to bring someone over.

And some people have to shell out for hotel rooms when they want to have sex and/or spend the night together.

To be honest, I think you're jumping too far ahead with this. Each person you meet might have a different situation, so it's probably best to meet them, then decide if you want to have sex with them, and *then* decide where it's going to happen.
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Old 10-18-2015, 07:27 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Are you saying that you can't have overnight guests? I ask because you can have sex at other times of the day when the kids aren't there. And kids don't need to understand or know what's going on if you just say a friend is sleeping over. Anyway... if you hit it off with someone, you explain that you can't have anyone over and ask if they can. If not, you can go to a hotel. But lots of experienced polyfolk will have an extra guest room or a pull-out couch in a den, that sort of thing. If you meet someone you really like, you'll make it work.
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Old 10-18-2015, 07:40 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Location: Pennsylvania
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Shell out for a hotel or date people who can host.

Honestly...Young kids don't think too much about who their parents sleep with. Older kids try not think about their parents having sex.

My kids haven't blinked at the situation.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.
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Old 10-18-2015, 08:39 PM
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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I just don't date people who have live in partners because I need to be able to spend the night at a partners home at least weekly to date them. Husband usually goes and has sex with people at their house but another option could be splitting cost of motel rooms. One of his fuck buddies takes him to her friend's house for sex.
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Old 10-18-2015, 09:13 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
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Motels was the first thing that came to my mind. (Do any of them rent by the hour instead of overnight?)
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Old 10-18-2015, 09:20 PM
Leetah Leetah is offline
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Not any most people would care to stay in!
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Old 10-18-2015, 09:20 PM
KGMlove KGMlove is offline
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Phoenix, Az
Posts: 44

Thanks. I thought about hotels but being that I don't have a lot of money I would expect the guy to foot the bill. However, not sure if that is practical on a somewhat regular basis. So I guess I Just have to be upfront and only date people who are either single or in a more open poly relationship where the wife doesn't mind me being there (although that would be weird). Or as mentioned, have sex during the day. I'm not trying to get ahead of myself, but I am a big picture person. I'm not sex crazed, but I'm also realistic and not in it just for platonic dating.
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Old 10-18-2015, 11:54 PM
blackraven blackraven is offline
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Upstate NY
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Hahaha. We are two people married with children and time and space to have sex can definitely be a challenge. We've grabbed hotels a couple times. We've van camped a few times. Sometimes we use my basement guest room, for sex at the end of a date and occasionally a sleepover. Pussy Galore still feels very awkward doing the "walk of shame" out the door when my wife and kids are up.
It's definitely not something you can plan in advance. Totally depends on the person and their situation.
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Old 10-19-2015, 12:27 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Location: USA
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I get irritated if I have to host all the time because other partner isn't allowed to have guests at their house.
This could become an issue with Jay soon. I did have the one visit to his house, he has his own room, but unsure when the next time will be as he has a wife and kids. It seems churlish to not want to host if I have an empty house, but always being the host does get tiresome. As long as he throws in the odd hotel night it should be fine; to even up the time and effort of the extra laundry and cleaning/tidying up.
If I was unable to host then I would split the hotel bill. I would not expect the man to pay.
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open marriage, sex

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