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  #11  
Old 09-08-2010, 11:17 PM
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assets assets is offline
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I may not have put it as bluntly as SJ but I feel you are being unreasonable as well. To everyone out there, that disagrees, she did ask that very question. From her description of the story that is what I get, I was not there and so cannot say with 100% accuracy what happened, I am just going on what TeJoKo has posted.

I am seeing unreasonable in the sense that you are not letting your reason work through this problem and are letting your emotions take over completely. You have a right to feel those emotions but you also have a responsibility to not allow those emotions to overtake your reason. It is normal for you to feel upset and slighted when someone doesn't do something that you expect them to. However, not accepting his reasons, like he just plain forgot, is the unreasonable part. You have to cut him a little slack if the new relationship is going to work. Think about if it was you. Really think, don't just automatically say that you wouldn't forget about any of the little things. Think about when you first started seeing your husband or your boyfriend. Did anything at all get put by the wayside?

I understand that you are feeling jealous and upset and I totally get that, I have been there. What I've learned from it is that if you let that emotion rule your relationship, it can and often does destroy exactly what you are trying to protect.
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  #12  
Old 09-08-2010, 11:20 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Raze : I can understand that opinion, really I can. Part of me wants to 'reassure' her too.

I hope her intention IS to vent, and find a place where she can be happy again. To be vulnerable, and let go of her hate. Stop brow beating and nit-picking. Find security in the people she loves and trust them.

After all, its what we all want in our relationships.

I won`t however, play part in a double standard. She has received the same dose of medicine any male would, if they came to a forum with a Mysoginistic attitude. In fact, if a male had said those things, he would of been run off......quickly too.

I see what she said in other posts, tying-in directly to what she said today, on this thread. It is a example of things she has admitted to. THAT is why I have mentioned both.

If everyone else wants to pat her head, and tell her her attitude is ok,..well thats up to them.

Sometimes life calls for sugarcoating, and sometimes it doesn`t. I don`t see this as a time to sugarcoat things, so I stand behind my words.

I do so, because I remeber my 20`s,..and the anger,..and the venom over unjust things in the world.....and I know that I hated the blunt opinions given to me at the time, by the 30-somethings who had been there, done that, and now knew better.
I vaguely remember the hand-holding and comforting I received while I did the ' You don`t know me ! ' and the ' I am so sick of the media,...blah blah blah,..' talks.

The counsel received in blunt form, sure rang true later on in life. Sometimes words sting in a good way.

As they will continue to do so. What I know at 34, will not be what I know at 44. Thank goodness for that. I hope I am pushed to think about my actions .( just as you are doing to me right now.)
Since I have been here since Feb, with only 200-ish posts, I`m not exactly one to run around trying to bend everyone to my way of thinking.

While sunshine and butterflies are nice, they don`t tend to get to the heart of the matter. One day when some make-up`d girl with fashion accessories is kicking her ass up and down both sides of a mountain, she`ll have that awakening.


As for being a uber bitch,..not at all. I hadn`t even THOUGHT that. She asked if she is being unreasonable. I said yes, she is.
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  #13  
Old 09-08-2010, 11:30 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Superjast, you might want to start your own thread like the one I have in my signature!
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  #14  
Old 09-08-2010, 11:31 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
Superjast, you might want to start your own thread like the one I have in my signature!
I would, but I am to lazy to babysit a thread I start. Learned that with the last one.
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  #15  
Old 09-08-2010, 11:37 PM
jkelly jkelly is offline
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What's "right", "reasonable", and what you want in a relationship aren't the same things. Don't worry about "doing it right" or "being unreasonable". Just ask for what you want (in this case, a nightly text), and your partner then gets to agree or not. If he doesn't agree, or agrees and then fails to come through, reevaluate the relationship. But it's not about what is right or reasonable outside of your individual relationship.
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  #16  
Old 09-08-2010, 11:41 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superjast View Post
I would, but I am to lazy to babysit a thread I start. Learned that with the last one.
You're just too darned committed
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  #17  
Old 09-08-2010, 11:41 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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It's unreasonable to expect someone else to be a mind-reader.
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  #18  
Old 09-08-2010, 11:42 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by assets View Post
It is normal for you to feel upset and slighted when someone doesn't do something that you expect them to. However, not accepting his reasons, like he just plain forgot, is the unreasonable part. You have to cut him a little slack if the new relationship is going to work. Think about if it was you. Really think, don't just automatically say that you wouldn't forget about any of the little things. Think about when you first started seeing your husband or your boyfriend.
this, I agree... I am assuming you agreed that his seeing her was okay by you and that he didn't force the issue? These things need negotiating. It's just a matter of starting that and keeping at it. There will be far more emotional things to handle... this is just a matter of understanding one anothers requests and a little reminder of expectations no?
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  #19  
Old 09-08-2010, 11:57 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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instead of asking "am I unreasonable" the OP prob'ly should have asked "am I over-reacting".
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  #20  
Old 09-09-2010, 12:03 AM
RGee91 RGee91 is offline
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I understand that, but I'm not sugarcoating either, I gave her the same advice, to not take his NRE personally, but I didn't have to back her in a corner to do so. This was NOT about her view of women, and she said that she had already been feeling neglected, the "goodnight" seems to me to simply be the straw that broke the camel's back.

and I have no issue with bluntness, I just dont think her posts on 1 thread should now follow her everywhere else she posts. Talk about it there or in PM...
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