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Old 05-20-2016, 06:02 PM
indierockangel indierockangel is offline
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Unhappy Judgmental People...

I went to my psychiatrist today to renew my script for my antidepressants and antianxiety and she asked how I was doing. I decided to open up to her that I am going through a breakup and divulging that I'm poly, which I hadn't told her about. She acts all cool and understanding but then she asks what I'm getting out of being poly and says it's "obvious" that I "am lacking self acceptance and fulfillment..." I really didn't know how to respond and I'm feeling kind of stupid for even telling her.
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Old 05-20-2016, 07:54 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I am sorry you had a rough day.

Could read this and give her a copy if she does not already have one.


She's your therapist. She could keep her own bias out of it and if she cannot she can make you aware that you need to change therapists because she cannot separate that out when seeing you.

But if it isn't bias? You feeling judged doesn't mean she is the one judging you. She may have triggered something. Figure out where that feeling is coming from. Could tell her you felt judged in the next appointment and you want to sort that out.

I don't know what the current goals of your therapy are and you do not have to say here. But I think if you are there because you want her to ask you to think about hard stuff as you sort yourself out? Sounds like she is doing that. She is doing her job asking you to think about hard stuff.

You don't have to like what she says or like how she says it. You have to think about what she says and decide if it applies to you or not. If yes, then do your therapy work so you can meet your therapy goals. Do the sorting.

After you revealed that you left some things out? I think it is fair that she asks you questions to try to color in the missing pieces. If you don't give her all the puzzle pieces by being up front? She cannot do her job well. She doesn't know there's other stuff going on in your life that can effect your progress in therapy or your therapy goals.

I see that today was a hard therapy day. So rest. Maybe you have no more spoons left for this today. But don't let a break become a perpetual snooze tag.

I encourage you to get back in there when you are rested. Work your patient management things like you need to work it so you can meet your goals to benefit YOU. With this therapist or a with different one.

Sort it out.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 05-21-2016 at 01:21 AM.
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Old 05-20-2016, 08:08 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
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Hi indierockangel,

I don't think it was a mistake (or stupid) to tell your psychiatrist about the poly. If she is not a good fit for you, then the thing to do is look for a different (more poly-friendly) therapist.

If you think your current therapist might be willing to give poly a chance, ask her to read, "What Psychology Professionals Should Know about Polyamory," a book by Geri Weitzman, Ph.D., Joy Davidson, Ph.D., and Robert A. Phillips, Jr., Ph.D.

I hope that helps.
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 05-20-2016, 09:19 PM
Tinwen Tinwen is offline
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As I understood it is a psychiatrist, not a psychotherapist. A psychiatrist studied medicine, not psychology. I know it's usual in USA that psychiatrists also do therapy, but it need not be. As I have known psychiatrists (I've met 4 so far), they try to understand you enough to make a diagnosis and find the correct meds, but they for sure don't have the time to do therapy with regular patients (I see mine for like 15min every 2-3 months). Some of them have excellent people skills, and some of them are prone to seeing the illness but not the person.

My psychiatrist knows I am seeing a poly person. He expressed concerns about me and family plans, but didn't ask next time, I think he just cast me into a box titled "unstable life situation, seeing a married person". I don't care. I need him to asses my mood swings and give me a prescription or not, not to asses my life situation. Actually, if he chooses to think I have low self esteem, he probably can't help me with that one anyway.

Change psychiatrists or not, depends how important a person she is in your life, how stable you are on you current medication and how bothered you are by her judgement.

Actually, I am not sure from your description, if polyamory was the thing that led her into thinking you lack self-acceptance. I would expect she makes her judgement based on more then one hint. Did she have any constructive suggestion afterwards?
Me: female, 28
Idealist: my partner, 38
Meta: live-in partner with Idealist, 43
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