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Old 09-01-2010, 05:50 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Default Never having to say no?

My husband once told me a quote (I'm not sure where he got it from) that poly means never having to say no. I disagree. To me poly means taking into account more and more people's feelings and boundaries before saying yes. I think that being single means never having to say no. As soon as you're in a committed, loving relationship the chances of saying no in any given situation are much higher than the chances of saying yes. As more people are brought into the dynamic with different boundaries (because we all have different boundaries) the yes' are going to fit in less and less often.

I guess there could be a dynamic where everyone involved agreed that poly, to them, means never having to say no. I don't think I could live that way though. I value some stability and knowing what to expect from my partners.

-Derby
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Old 09-01-2010, 05:58 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Never "having to" say "no" to what?

If someone asks you on a date and you are not interested?

I don't see how polyamory figures into this.

You don't have to say "yes" either. You don't "have to" take your next breath if you don't want to.
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Old 09-01-2010, 08:18 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I am under the assumption that he meant never having to say no to another close intimate relationship. Is that it?

Its true, we don't *have* to say no. Its more like there are more possibilities to say yes. Again, assuming he meant what I said above.

Really though, I agree, there is actually no time when you can say *yes* and not have a process around it all when you already have one relationship that has some level of commitment.
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Old 09-01-2010, 08:25 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I am under the assumption that he meant never having to say no to another close intimate relationship. Is that it?

Its true, we don't *have* to say no. Its more like there are more possibilities to say yes. Again, assuming he meant what I said above.

Really though, I agree, there is actually no time when you can say *yes* and not have a process around it all when you already have one relationship that has some level of commitment.
That's what I meant
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Old 09-01-2010, 08:32 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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the ability to choose is a poweful one
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Old 09-01-2010, 11:10 PM
eskimo eskimo is offline
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I'm learning more and more about the complications of poly dating everyday. It makes it possible while you're married, without it being wrong, but its certainly a million miles more complicated than when I was single
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Old 09-03-2010, 02:02 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I think phrasing it the other way around ("being allowed to say 'yes'") would probably work better.
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Old 09-03-2010, 08:56 PM
Jade Jade is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I think phrasing it the other way around ("being allowed to say 'yes'") would probably work better.
Well said.
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Old 09-07-2010, 07:34 AM
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TeJoKo TeJoKo is offline
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Default Sounds like he is referring to open relationships.

I agree with you. Being single is never having to say no. Being in an open relationship can be never having to say no, as well... But being poly is about consideration for others, nurturing older relationships while developing new ones. Sometimes you HAVE to say no.
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