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  #41  
Old 06-26-2011, 09:24 AM
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rory rory is offline
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
It honestly is what I consider to be the magic bullet for the type of poly relationship we have and desire; one where we can all come together as friends and as a tribe and be completely at ease with the fluidity of affection and attention. You don't build a big tribe like that quickly but the one you do build like that has strength and stability
This is what I'm hoping for. We are still in early stages, none of the metamours have yet met each other, but my husband and girlfriend are meeting in a few days. I'm a bit nervous but exited! I'm also meeting my girlfriend's husband in a few weeks, and the guys will meet somewhere during the summer.

I'm really hoping that everybody can form friendships of their own, and eventually become family. I'm not expecting this, and if it doesn't work out like that it won't be the end of the world. I have no doubts about everybody getting along on a basic level, and that's really the minimum. I have a very close friend, and her relationship with my husband is pretty much that: they get along but rarely hang out together, and the relationships are pretty separate. I can live with that, and I know I can make it work also if it's the case with hubby and gf. But if they do become friends, it's a dream come true for me. <3
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  #42  
Old 06-27-2011, 04:13 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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But if they do become friends, it's a dream come true for me. <3
Good luck..it's a wonderful feeling for me as a metamour and certainly one that RP appreciates I'm sure. One more tip: don't let your partners use you as a gateway for their communication. Encourage them to talk independently as sometimes we can hide behind the assurances of others that everything is ok. They should take it on themselves to check in if everyone wants a greater level of true connection and comfort.
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  #43  
Old 06-27-2011, 05:29 PM
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rory rory is offline
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Thanks for the tip! I think you're right, and that's also something that will be easier to accoplish if they can form a relationship of their own.
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  #44  
Old 06-29-2011, 07:22 PM
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evrchanging evrchanging is offline
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Wow I didn't know the relationship between a lovers lover (?) had that name. My two lovers had been friends for a year before I hooked up. It strained it at first but they worked through it and are still the best of buds. The fact that Lover can bake the best foods, and Jewel can pick out some of the best beers is a major plus, and a kick ass dinner. I love the communication they have together. Sometimes I get nervous when Jewel goes over to his house alone, because I am worried about what they say about me. I didn't do it I swear.
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  #45  
Old 02-23-2012, 05:53 PM
Atri Atri is offline
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I'm so relieved by everyone's posts! It's great to hear all these different takes on how to understand and get along with metamours, or how to just let them be who they are regardless of if that's friendship material or not.

In my own experience, my metamour and I are friendly, but nothing really beyond that, and it works for us. He's a nice guy, I see the things my partner could love in him, and I see things that I personally don't value, but I can appreciate him for being kind and loving to our partner. When I first entered our V, I figured we should play it like one big family: I invited my metamour out a few times just me and him to get to know each other. What it really came down to is that he's really reserved and I have a hard time connecting with men. We have similar interests, just nothing really to get us to a deeper level of connection, and there are parts of him that I don't like, but I'm not the one in a relationship with him, so it's really none of my business. I think the trick to being in a poly relationship with somebody is to accept their metamour for what they are, and really expect nothing else. Our partner is our most basic common ground and even if we don't like each other, or really really enjoy each other's company, our needs and desires bottle neck at our partner and we should respect each other to keep the love flowing.

So, I guess the core of my point is that whether you love or hate your metamour, as a poly person it's your responsibility to make room for and respect their relationship, because an unhappy hinge makes and unhappy V... or N or Q or whatever it is you're into.
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  #46  
Old 04-16-2012, 05:57 PM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
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Hooray for metamours! Especially when everyone gets along!

I'm extremely lucky in that my husband and boyfriend get along okay, and my boyfriend's wife and I get along very well. Woohoo!
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