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Old 12-22-2012, 04:37 AM
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Sannafrid Sannafrid is offline
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Question He accidentally called me by his other girlfriend's name...

I recently started seeing a new lover. We have a lot in common and we always have a lot of fun together. Like me, he is in a long-distance open relationship. It works out very well that he and I are in similar situations (though he and Bee* are "nothing serious", as he puts it). He's an awesome guy who really likes me, and for the most part, everything is wonderful.

I slept over at his place the night before last. As we were both waking up yesterday morning, he asked me, "You want some coffee, Bee?" I don't know what to make of it. I'm confused and a little hurt. I'm not sure if I should ask him about it, because he was half asleep and it was probably just an honest mistake. Has this ever happened to anyone else?

*to maintain her anonymity, I've given his other lady friend a pseudonym
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:00 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Yes, it happens.

In my case it was ME that started to say the wrong name, and it didn't happen waking up...it happened during a sexual encounter. I recognized it half a syllable in and tried to choke it back...and it ended up coming out like a name similar, but not identical to MrS's...I thought it had gone unnoticed but later Dude asked me "Who the hell is 'Bob', anyway?" We laughed a lot and told MrS about it later.

Dude now tells me that, during sex, I used to get it wrong quite a bit and never even noticed. He decided to just take it as a compliment, I was so caught up in my sensations that I was delirious with pleasure and just came out with my "default" name (After all Dude was my first male partner after being with MrS for 19 years).

I wouldn't read too much into it - just feel confident that he feels so comfortable with you that his auto-pilot morning routine kicks in. Next time (if there is one) just say, "Yes, I'd like some coffee..and I am Cee, by the way." Then make a joke about the fact that he is SO sexy that he has SO many lovers he can't even keep track of them ALL.

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MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3 yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS; married to TT, poly male
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:17 AM
HimAndHerInBP HimAndHerInBP is offline
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It happens....especially if one is half asleep. If say get over it. And, if you can't, let him know. Chances are he can do nothing about it, but stating what's bugging you can help.
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Old 12-22-2012, 07:17 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
Then make a joke about the fact that he is SO sexy that he has SO many lovers he can't even keep track of them ALL.
My maternal Grandmother's name was Joyce, but everyone used to call her Sally. I asked about it once, and she said it was because my Grandfather had so many girlfriends he could never remember their names, so he called them all Sally and by the time he married her it'd stuck.

[/hijack]
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Old 12-22-2012, 10:35 PM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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(I don't think that was a total hijack...)

I'd wager it happens to most people who have more than one lover, even serial monogamists. (me, I can't even remember MY OWN name sometimes - but I've changed it, twice)

My step-mom used to call my dad by her first husband's name a lot. (although he'd get yelled at if he did the same)

FBF's name starts with the same syllable as my high school bf. I flub that from time to time.

When my family had a house full of people, my mother would run down the list of names until she got to whomever she was trying to call. I got called by the name of her childhood dog more than once. Kippy. Yah, that doesn't sound anything like my name.
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Old 12-22-2012, 10:42 PM
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DarayTala DarayTala is offline
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I mistakenly call all of my partners by each others names at times, and also by names of our other housemates, past and present. Its just something that happens sometimes, you spend so much time saying something that sometimes your brain is on the wrong autopilot. I also always say goodnight and sweet dreams to my fiance every night before bed, I always say drive safe and have fun every morning before he leaves for work, and I can't tell you how many times I've mixed the two up and said sweet dreams as he hops into the car I really just wouldn't worry about it or read into it, its honestly something that I think happens to everyone at some point in time.
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Old 12-22-2012, 10:53 PM
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River River is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannafrid View Post
Has this ever happened to anyone else?
Yeah, I've done it. Once or twice. Only it wasn't always regards a "romantic" partner / interest. It can happen with a close friend whom I love, too.

I have this theory that our brain / mind stores things that are similar close by ... and there is a bit of "sticky" that binds the names and words together in near proximity. Think of these sorts of things as little cognitive farts or burps. Not a big deal. Comes with being merely human.
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Old 12-22-2012, 11:22 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
(I don't think that was a total hijack...)
When my family had a house full of people, my mother would run down the list of names until she got to whomever she was trying to call.
My mother does this - she runs through the three of us, then her baby sister, then the dogs (all long gone)...she ends with dad's name, as though asking for assistance.

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3 yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS; married to TT, poly male
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #9  
Old 12-22-2012, 11:24 PM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
My mother does this - she runs through the three of us, then her baby sister, then the dogs (all long gone)...she ends with dad's name, as though asking for assistance.

JaneQ
Maybe it's a western PA thing? My peeps are all from there....
__________________
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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  #10  
Old 12-24-2012, 02:10 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I've used the wrong name before. It's always pretty embarrassing. I've called my boyfriend by my ex's name, but I've also done things that are less jealousy inducing, like calling my roommate by my cat's name. It happens.

I would say, don't read too much into it, sometimes you're just used to saying a name over and over again, and it becomes a synonym for "sweetie" or something.
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