Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #41  
Old 01-21-2013, 08:11 PM
Starseed Starseed is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Idaho
Posts: 14
Default

I agree Magdlyn. I've experienced being looked at as very strange for having a strong sex drive. Sex drives come in ALL sizes and each of us must find a way to address the drive in ways that are sensitive to ourselves and others, but nevertheless addressed. If the sex drive is not addressed and instead repressed, it can (and does) lead to madness and sexual violence.

Dan

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post

No one should be called a pig for having a sex drive. Having a sex drive, even a strong one, is NORMAL. Some will argue it is a need like a need for water, food and shelter. Certainly it is a strong drive that can make you almost crazy (distracted, extremely irritable, losing confidence in oneself as a person...) if unfulfilled.
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 01-21-2013, 10:16 PM
SweetSensations's Avatar
SweetSensations SweetSensations is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: El Paso, TX
Posts: 53
Default

he kept asking me when I would ask for sex. "Well, how often do you want sex?" I would get excited and think wow, I am gonna get sex. I would say -"once a week would be grand!!" It would never come and I said nothing then next quarter he would say "well how often do you want it? " I would say once a week and of course this went on about 5 times. by then years had passed. I didn't ask often, I would shift it inside and get mad.
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 01-21-2013, 10:43 PM
Starseed Starseed is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Idaho
Posts: 14
Default

I can empathize SweetSensations. In my marriage the drought was not as severe as yours, but I used to practically beg my wife to make love every three weeks or so because I knew it was the only way possible that it would happen. If left to my own desire, I like to make love about six times a week. So, it was difficult finding a way to make it 'workable'. In the end it did not work, but lack of sex was only one contributing factor.

Its hard to avoid feeling frustrated and mad, no question.

Dan

Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetSensations View Post
he kept asking me when I would ask for sex. "Well, how often do you want sex?" I would get excited and think wow, I am gonna get sex. I would say -"once a week would be grand!!" It would never come and I said nothing then next quarter he would say "well how often do you want it? " I would say once a week and of course this went on about 5 times. by then years had passed. I didn't ask often, I would shift it inside and get mad.
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 01-22-2013, 10:00 PM
Holiday's Avatar
Holiday Holiday is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 8
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bassman View Post
This article says that less than 10 times a year, - allright, mine wasnt that infrequent, but almost.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...racey-Cox.html


Oh and Ive read her book, rather traditional advice im afraid.


Huh... Ok. Well color me confused.
I would say once a month is infrequent. Twice a month is infrequent.

Last edited by Holiday; 01-22-2013 at 10:02 PM. Reason: oops never mind
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 01-22-2013, 10:45 PM
Starseed Starseed is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Idaho
Posts: 14
Default

It completely depends on the people involved. Everyone has different desires and there is no way you can generalize. For some people three times per week is infrequent :-))

Dan
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 01-22-2013, 11:06 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 7,595
Default

I agree; what counts as frequent or infrequent (or even sexless) can vary greatly from person to person. Some people can be satiated with once a year, others crave it many times a day. There's no right or wrong here, it's just a matter of figuring out a reasonable compromise for everyone.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 01-23-2013, 12:29 AM
Starseed Starseed is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Idaho
Posts: 14
Default

Yes! Each person is unique and therefore their desires will be unique as well. Communication and lots of it with partner(s) usually will iron out the differences especially when done with a lot of love and compassion for each other.

Dan

Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
I agree; what counts as frequent or infrequent (or even sexless) can vary greatly from person to person. Some people can be satiated with once a year, others crave it many times a day. There's no right or wrong here, it's just a matter of figuring out a reasonable compromise for everyone.
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 01-25-2015, 09:36 AM
SweetSensations's Avatar
SweetSensations SweetSensations is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: El Paso, TX
Posts: 53
Default Here is my update on my situation for those who helped me.

Thank you to all who helped me. Even though I don't get sex at home. He warmed up/ accepted me getting sex outside the M. I now get sex and intimacy once a week on average. I don't have to pretend that I don't need sex and intimacy. With my H, he said he is relived that he doesn't have to provide duty sex.

Both of us decided to actively water the roots of our M. Instead of pulling the roots up one by one until the tree withered. (we chose not to sabotage the M with emotional abuse) He is a beautiful soul and I am glad I removed the chastity belt. It really is worse than being a roommate because with roommates you are each going out and having sex with others.

I mostly did this on my own trying to figure out what would ease his anxiety about having to give up sex. He clammed up but it works for now. Maybe someday you won't have to hide your silent crying in bed. I don't mind talking to you if you want to see if there are some parallels.

Thank you. I love you. Hang in there. (((tight hugs)))

My update and what worked for us, is in a response to another sexless M here: Please help her as well.
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...arriage&page=3

Michele Weiner-Davis Ted Talk Video about
The Sex Starved Marriage
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ep2MAx95m20
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:38 AM.