Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Fireplace

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-09-2014, 03:04 AM
poly6 poly6 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 58
Default Questions about Fetlife

So I was considering joining on fetlife, but I'm not sure if I should. But I do have some questions beforehand to ask here.

1. On the sign up when it ask my sexual role, there are only three options that apply to me. Switch, Kinkster, and Fetishist. Which should I pick or does it not matter? Would hedonist apply too me at all?

2. How are the people on fetlife generally in these communities?

3. One of the main reasons I never really thought about getting a fetlife, is because it is a social community site, which is fine but I don't think I can really use something like that for dating sakes. Is there anything I should do on it, or to coincide with it.


Might be back with more questions later.

Edit: Another thing, I worry about might be if people in the fetlife are lifestyle type of kinks. What I mean is people who engage in this as a lifestyle 24/7. I'm more of a in the bedroom type. I'd like to keep my sex life as a part of my life that doesn't bleed into all of the other aspects of my life.

Last edited by poly6; 07-09-2014 at 03:12 AM. Reason: More information.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-09-2014, 03:28 AM
Inyourendo's Avatar
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Crazytown USA
Posts: 1,167
Default

Mine just says unsure. Im fairly vanilla to be honest. People are friendly, all my friends are people i know personally. There are tons if communities on there and local groups to join.
__________________
Sue, hinge in a vee with Nate (Polysexual) and Sam (monogamous)
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-09-2014, 03:57 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,242
Default

I joined because I met a few people IRL (In Real Life) who were members and more active there than on OKC (OKCupid) at the local poly meet-up.

BUT, I am not really active there...1.) because I don't consider myself to be "kinky" (poly and group - i.e. three or more-some) sex notwithstanding) 2.) all of the poly discussion there, from my perspective, involve some S&M or D/s dynamic that I don't understand (if that included Bondage/domination I might be interested...but I haven't seen that). I went with "hedonist"....

I only "friended" people that I met IRL...I think OKC would be better for meeting datable people...
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (22+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-09-2014, 04:15 AM
MsChristy's Avatar
MsChristy MsChristy is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: East Coast
Posts: 87
Default

I am active on fetlife and you will find all sorts on there. Everything from the 24/7 lifestyle kinksters that treat kink very seriously to those like yourself who are just exploring. You should not be intimidated by the people who seem super into BDSM, as there are just as many on there now a days that are just on there for more specific reasons

It has been a while since I edited my profile, but there are lots of other labels, like Vanilla, Unsure, etc. Just pick what you feel the most comfortable with

Some people use fetlife to meet other people and dating, I tend to use it more for local networking and seeing what is going on in my area as well as the dicussion boards (including several related to poly). The support I find on fet for my kinky side and poly side is tremendous. I have never dated someone I met off of fetlife.
__________________
--------------------------------------------------
MsChristy- married female
C-my husband
H-my partner
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-09-2014, 04:56 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 519
Default

I take my D/s role extremely seriously, but I'm not much into the "lifestyle." Nonetheless, I started reaching out about a year ago in order to expand to a new, non-judging community. Or, at least one where I could freely introduce my married partner (they were more weirded out when they found the wife was OKAY with it, than when they assumed he was cheating).
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-09-2014, 05:49 AM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 292
Default

I chose Unsure at first and then switched it to Hedonist - I do whatever feels good without worrying about whether I'm being a top, bottom, or something in between.

It's a VERY friendly community, in general. As mentioned, you'll find everything from mostly vanilla/just interested in looking types to living their kink 24/7 types.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-12-2014, 01:39 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 6,361
Default

Re (from OP):
Quote:
"On the sign up when it asks my sexual role, there are only three options that apply to me. Switch, Kinkster, and Fetishist. Which should I pick or does it not matter? Would hedonist apply to me at all?"
LOL, I think you would have to answer that question.

Whatever you picked, I think you can adjust it anytime you want (though I admit I haven't adjusted my own settings at all so I couldn't walk you through it).

It matters what you pick in the sense that you (presumably) want to represent yourself honestly to the rest of the Fetlife community.

Re:
Quote:
"How are the people on fetlife generally in these communities?"
In all fairness I'll admit there's the occasional jerk you'll run into, but most of the Fetlifers I've met seem to be pretty cordial, reasonable people.

Re:
Quote:
"One of the main reasons I never really thought about getting a fetlife, is because it is a social community site, which is fine but I don't think I can really use something like that for dating sakes. Is there anything I should do on it, or to coincide with it."
What should you do on Fetlife? There's lots of things you can do. You can join various groups and participate in various discussions. You can message people and send friend requests. You can customize your profile page (and avatar). You can upload and share pictures. You can "love" other people's pictures and writings, and you can write comments on them. As long as you don't act like a jerk and attract negative mod attention, I think you have quite a bit of leeway as far as what you can do and how you can participate.

And no, Fetlife isn't a dating site per se, but that doesn't mean you can't make friends who might eventually become more than just friends. That's all between you and them.

Re:
Quote:
"Another thing, I worry about might be if people in the fetlife are lifestyle type of kinks. What I mean is people who engage in this as a lifestyle 24/7. I'm more of a in the bedroom type. I'd like to keep my sex life as a part of my life that doesn't bleed into all of the other aspects of my life."
Well you don't need every Fetlifer to be a clone, do you? Sure some Fetlifers are 24/7 ... but there's a huge range of different kinds of people on Fetlife, including completely vanilla people such as myself. And you might be surprised at how vast the variety of fetishes is that people can be into. Stuff you would have never imagined. [shrug] It's something that makes Homo sapiens a fun species, don't you think?

I'd encourage you to not feel intimidated by Fetlife. They don't pressure you in any way and they're very friendly and easygoing. Just have a look around there and be yourself. You'll be fine.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-14-2014, 05:29 PM
MusicalRose's Avatar
MusicalRose MusicalRose is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 328
Default

One thing I have found success doing is putting in my profile that I AM NOT looking for a partner through this website and to please not solicit me for such purposes. I've stopped getting messages from random people since I did that.

Otherwise, it probably just depends what is going on in your area and the type of people you connect with. I generally only add people as friends if I already know them personally, so I don't "meet" anyone on FL, per se.
__________________
Me: Female, pan/bi-sexual, polyamorous, relationship anarchist
Regulator: STBX husband, separated
CurlyWolf: friend, fellow relationship anarchist
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 09-18-2014, 03:00 AM
cuddlecakes cuddlecakes is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near NYC
Posts: 49
Default

Girlfriend and I made profiles on there, but we've never used them for anything. What are we supposed to do on the site? I don't think I'm kinky at all. Very sexual, but zero interest in pain or domination stuff. Was it pointless for me to join if the only non-mainstream thing I've got going is non-monogamy?
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 09-18-2014, 05:36 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 6,361
Default

Well, Fetlife has a lot of poly groups you can join, for one thing.

Fetlife has a search window. Use it to search for the word "polyamory."

In the results, you'll notice that you can filter what comes up to just people, just groups, just events, etc.

Heck doing a "polyamory" search might be too general and produce too many results. You can always do an "New York City polyamory" search; stuff like that.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:31 AM.