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  #11  
Old 08-29-2010, 01:11 AM
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CandiGurl CandiGurl is offline
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Thankyou for the kind advice GS!
Yes, I am very much looking forward to getting to know them, and their family.
And anything worth having is not easy!
*salutes*
I will do my best, and I may just leave a post here & there every step of the way!
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  #12  
Old 08-29-2010, 06:56 PM
PollyPocket PollyPocket is offline
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Hi Welcome...I am pretty new to the site too and am thankful for it, as it provides a great sounding board when the navigation of an "Its Complicated" relationship status becomes difficult.

I would be the equivalent to the wife on the other side in your situation. My hubby and I have been together forever....since I was 19. We have never cheated on each other and decided recently that maybe, just maybe, you were NOT suppose to F*** the same person for your entire life! So, we asked a friend of mine if she was interested...and um, 3 months later, apparently she was!

She, C, always claims that she is the 'interloper', the 'intruder' and claims that she feels left out of decisions. Sometimes claims that she feels like she is walking on egg shells so that she doesn't piss me off, ie, wanting alone time with the hubby.

Something that seems to come up again and again, is the fact that we are such close girlfriends (no kidding!!), and she knows me well. Maybe toooo well. She picks up little nuances in my behaviour and my actions, when my words were never spoken. Ironically she has a pretty good success rate of reading me. Note to self: must practice poker face!!

This week we have all agreed to have an actual "Communication Meeting" once per week in order to flush out some of the realities and clear the imagination cache! So I would highly recommend this for your new triad as well.

The highs are sooooo high....and the lows are soooo low. Be prepared and do what you can to avoid some of the pitfalls that we have gone through.
Good luck!
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  #13  
Old 08-29-2010, 10:40 PM
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CandiGurl CandiGurl is offline
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Sounds like you have a bit in common with her, PollyPocket

I am still in the process of just getting to know her, I think if her husband and I had a relationship it will come second. I know that is what she wants though, she talks about it hypothetically fairly frequently.

Although I am not there yet, I can understand her feeling that way, especially if you were friends with her first. I'd relate it a lil bit to moving in with a close friend, we thought it'd be really easy, because we knew each other so well, but we also knew how to piss each other off. Which is of course the oppposite side of any relationship!

That does make sense that 3 means 3 times more fun, and 3 times more pain.

This site helps a lot, and I don't know about all of you, but as this is very new for me, I haven't really spoken about it with many of my friends. I have in the past, metioned it somewhat hypothetically, and I can't imagine what they'd say if I said I was trying to enter one!

It sounds like the three of you really want things to work out, and I am sure you'll sort things out as you go through it

Nice to meet you!!
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  #14  
Old 08-30-2010, 02:37 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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YW welcome Candi - anytime.....

Remember - a lot of this 'complication' people mention isn't specific - or specificly related to poly etc.
It's just about human interaction skills. Even getting along with friends & family takes some people skills, patience, sometimes discovering our own selfishness, non-confrontational communication etc. And sometimes the closer we are/become, the more we tend to forget about the fact that we STILL have to practice those skills. We'd hope that we all 'understood' each other better and could eliminate them but it just isn't the case ! That's when trouble surfaces.

The more everyone understands and agrees with this, the easier it is to call something out before it becomes a huge issue and tackle it together as a team. Honesty, openness, kindness, tolerance. Patience.

Go for it !

GS
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  #15  
Old 08-30-2010, 03:07 PM
PollyPocket PollyPocket is offline
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OMG, Spirit, words to live by!!

Thank you...I will recite often!
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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. ~ Oscar Wilde
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