Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-27-2010, 06:27 PM
Brunetteangel03 Brunetteangel03 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Lakewood, WA
Posts: 28
Exclamation Dangerous neighbors...

Ok, so I don't live in the best apartment complex, there have been ppl pulled from their apt in handcuffs by the cops and ambulances taking ppl out as well.

One of the first nights my gf was back from Iraq her and her hubby had a disagreement outside the apt and some guy got nosey and chatted a bit with them. Then about a week ago I had 3 or 4 guys (one of them that same one from that night.) hitting on me and saying some pretty foul things ( making me feel like a piece of meat or something.)

well last night that same guy came knocking on my door and Andy answered the door, the guy wanted to cut through my apt to antother apt, which was totally out of the question. Andy thinks ppl are getting curious about me because my gf and bf are always there and we do show our affections (kiss each other goodbye in the am or something, very PG) outside the apartment.

I am now a little worried someone will try to enter and rape me or something. Am I now the apt complex whore and does everyone think I just sleep around with ppl? my bf and gf are the only ones that have been over since I moved there. We are all a bit worried, because I am a bit of an easy target, I am short and small and live alone when they leave soon....do I have anything to worry about?..
__________________
<3 Michelle
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-27-2010, 06:59 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

You might want to start carrying pepper spray and an emergency beacon. Also, leave some lights on when you go out so it looks like someone's home.

It looks like you want us to tell you that there's nothing to worry about, that these people just "don't understand poly" and the problem is them and their closed-minded attitude, but just because someone calls you "paranoid" doesn't mean there aren't people out to get you.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-27-2010, 09:09 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,765
Default

Ignorant people can hurt you. I had a milder experience of this at a music fest this summer. I (a woman) was dancing with my gf in a large crowd. My gf overheard some young males talking about the lesbians in front of them (us). At one point I leaned over to get something out of my bag and one of them goosed me. I guess young straight males think they have to beat or force the gay out of ya. Scary shit! Take precautions!
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-27-2010, 09:23 PM
Jade Jade is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: in a house
Posts: 188
Default

Target hardening is the concept you want to employ here. Always look them straight in the face, so that they know you can identify them if necessary. Be firm and direct. If you act scared or like a pushover, they'll think you're an easy target. If someone gets too close to you, instruct them loudly to back off. Use locks. Carry personal protection - pepper spray is a good option, but study how it's used because it can be ineffective in certain circumstances or could blow back on you in windy conditions. If you wish to look at other forms of personal protection, be aware of the laws in your state/jurisdiction - for example, don't carry a concealed weapon without a permit. Carry a cellular telephone with you with a preprogrammed emergency number. Tell your close friends or family about the situation and document, if you feel the need, inappropriate contacts. If they live in the area, you could also make a complaint to the rental office. Sometimes people in the area aren't supposed to be there because they've been barred. Last thing I can think of without writing a paper is simply to trust your gut. If you're supposed to leave the apartment and are alone, and those who have intimidated you are apparently ready and waiting for you, don't leave the apartment!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-28-2010, 02:12 AM
TL4everu2's Avatar
TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907
Default

1ST, Get started in some sort of self defense program. Preferably Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

2nd, Walk with confidence. Thugs prefer a target that will provide the least resistance.

3rd, Cut back on the PDA's. (Public Displays of Affection) Sadly, the general population does not understand poly, and MOST view poly as the same as swingers. And "swingers" are "easy" and "sluts" to them. So, if you are willing to sleep with two other people at the same time, you MUST be easy....right?

4th, you have done NOTHING wrong. Talk to the Pierce County Sherriffs dept and see if they might be able to do some extra patrols in your area, or if they can suggest a course of action for you.

5th, look into moving to University Place. It's VERY nice there.


My wife and I used to live in University Place, then moved to Bellevue, and now in Florida. Wish the other half of our dynamic would all want to move to Wa with us.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-28-2010, 02:37 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Right here. Right now.
Posts: 649
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brunetteangel03 View Post
....do I have anything to worry about?..
Yes, you most certainly do.

Prepare to defend yourself.

Other members have already given you solid advice on how. I hope you'll take it to heart.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 08-28-2010, 02:40 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Right here. Right now.
Posts: 649
Default

Also, if I were you, I would also consider documenting the problem and making a formal complaint to your complex's management. If you end up having to break your lease to protect your safety and well-being, having that kind of formal complaint on file can mean the difference between getting your deposit back or not. And some complex managers & owners are VERY pro-active about safety and security.

But don't count on anyone else. Ultimately, you need to be ready to defend and protect yourself.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 08-28-2010, 04:22 AM
ray's Avatar
ray ray is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 819
Default

If a confrontation does escalate to the physical (hopefully it doesn't!) utilize elbows, knees to vulnerable areas of the body such as the groin. Don't be afraid to put fingers in the eyes or to pick up something lying around (trash can, beer bottle, broom etc) to use. Also, try to avoid going to the ground.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 08-28-2010, 05:26 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872
Default

At all costs avoid getting physical, my problem with the physical is that unless you actually know how to fight (and I mean at a high level btw), this could get you hurt. Best thing to do is try to run, make lots of noise and get help. Even then sheer strength and power are going to be your attackers friend. As a kid who was brought up fighting, my size and power would put a stop to most people at the initial levels of any martial arts. If you can't do damage when you hit someone, it won't stop them from coming after you. A kick to the groin hurts a lot less than you think it does when the adrenaline is pumping btw! Anyone who has ever been in a street fight knows that...oh and in a pinch, keys in your hand make a fantastic weapon. Signifigantly better than fingers

My mother taught me this ages ago (as someone who was raped and robbed a few times working in Toronto at nights), and it helped me when we were poor and I was more involved in the streets...avoid privacy, hit all the public spaces you can and learn to make CRAP loads of noise. One of your best weapons against a rapist or someone robbing you is noise. Don't not assume you can ever defend yourself physically. Hell carry an air horn. Its shocking how much these people don't want to be noticed. In an apartment you are bound to have neighbours notice something as odd as an air horn. Someone yelling for example, depending on where you live, may not do anything. In my old neighourhood, yelling and screaming were par for the course, its amazing how tuned out you become to it when trying to go to sleep at night. Its an unfortunate circumstance...

My mom chased away more than enough people trying to rob or attack her with a simple air horn. ...probably deafened a few people too.

And, the confidence walk helps to. Its a lot easier to attack someone who is weak than someone who is walking tall. Its a very simple point but one that is very valid

Lastly, truly understand your surroundings. Where are exits, does your garbage room lock from the inside, elevators, stair wells to echo the sounds, which old person on your floor leaves their doors open during the day or night? All of these things can really help you in a pinch. Do I sound a little paranoid, ya probably. I spent the first part of my life defending myself against gangs. There was no way I could always physically defend myself. I would have been foolish to try.

Ari.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 08-28-2010, 06:49 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post

Lastly, truly understand your surroundings. Where are exits, does your garbage room lock from the inside, elevators, stair wells to echo the sounds, which old person on your floor leaves their doors open during the day or night? All of these things can really help you in a pinch. Do I sound a little paranoid, ya probably. I spent the first part of my life defending myself against gangs. There was no way I could always physically defend myself. I would have been foolish to try.

Ari.
Great advice Ari, where I come from we refer to it as Situational Awareness.
Looking confident is definitely a big part of avoiding becoming a target. Criminals aren't usually looking for a fight, they pick their targets wisely because that's their job. There are some people you just look at and think "I don't want to mess with them" even though you know nothing about them. We refer to that as the first range of combat: the Psychological range. If you can win there you're a lot less likely to get close enough to really engage.
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:36 PM.