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Old 08-26-2010, 04:21 PM
marica marica is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2
Default Oh my God

I think I'm polyamoric. Or whatever it is. Finally I've found some place where I can talk to people who understand! FINALLY! Thank goodness!

Okay, now I'll calm down and explain a little bit about myself. I'm a 20-year-old woman in a monogamous relationship. My boyfriend is wonderful and I think I could, maybe, some day, fall in love with him. But. For years, I have thought myself to be um... Unfit for relationships? What's the word... I feel I can't commit to one person for a long period of time. I've had several boyfriends and the relationships always ended because I wanted out. Why? I was always thinking about some other people I'd like to get involved with. How in hell did I end up in a mono relationship AGAIN after all those experiences? Maybe I thought this would be different... Maybe there's something wrong with me, maybe I can be cured, maybe I can forget about other people I'm attracted to.

But last weekend, something happened. Me and my boyfriend were at a friend's house and got really drunk. This male friend happens to be someone that I've been attracted to for years but nothing has ever happened between us. Anyways, he started flirting with both me and my boyfriend. I understood that he would have liked to have a threesome and I was VERY excited about that. But my boyfriend... not so much. :/

After that trip me and my bf had a long and honest conversation about me wanting other people. We're both glad we can be honest about things as hard as me wanting his FRIEND... We have a really good relationship... But. Yeah. We have a problem.

So here I am. I want an open relationship. He does not. We have something wonderful here but I know that in the end, I'll choose myself. I just can't live like this. I need to have the freedom to get intimate with people I want to be intimate with. And I don't want just some cold sex and no talking. I want people that I feel are special, like that friend of mine and my bf, let's call him J. He's such an intelligent, sexy and amazing guy... I want to be his friend but I also want to, you know...

Maybe this does not make any sense and I know I'm ranting like crazy but I just feel confused.

To sum up:
-I'm 20 years old
-I'm female
-I have a boyfriend
-I think I'm polyamoric. I at least want an open relationship.
-I'm confused and came here for support

Also, I'm sorry for my bad? English, it's not my native language. I'm also sorry for all the ranting and that I may have given you an impression that I'm stupid and naive when I'm actually quite smart and I hate to give bad first impressions but I just have to LET THIS OUT!

I hope you'll accept me to this forum and I hope I'll have many interesting and insightful conversations with you. If I broke any forum rules with my message, I'm sincerely sorry. I won't, however, edit my message now, because I need this, you have no idea how therapeutic this is for me.

See you!

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. My sexual orientation: Bi-curious
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Old 08-26-2010, 06:17 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Welcome aboard.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 08-26-2010, 07:37 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Squamish, BC
Posts: 790

welcome ... nice to meet you
Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create

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Old 08-27-2010, 05:23 AM
Derrythe Derrythe is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 16

Congrats on your journey of self discovery, you aren't alone I'm sure. Many people, I'm sure have gone from one mono relationship to another feeling like something must be wrong with them because they haven't discovered what you have, that poly is a perfectly viable relationship style. Kudos to you and good luck.
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Old 08-27-2010, 10:51 AM
FitChick FitChick is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 100

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Old 08-27-2010, 01:53 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,590

Your post was great and your English was perfect! I wish I'd've been as honest with myself about my poly leanings back when I was 20! But that was 34 years ago, and even hippies like my bf and me couldnt handle the poly idea very well back then.

Welcome to the board. Man, so many new people join here every day. It's quite amazing how the movement is growing.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
Kahlo (my ex, 46)
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Old 08-28-2010, 10:59 PM
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MindfulAgony MindfulAgony is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 192

I echo the welcome. Finding poly at 20 is a blessing indeed. I wish I had the self-insight, intestinal fortitude, and community support to have discovered it when I was 20. But, whatever the age, it is liberating to find one's "home." Welcom home.
Male, Straight, Poly

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“Instead of getting better and better at avoiding, learn to accept the present moment as if you had invited it. And work with it instead of against it. And making it your ally rather than your enemy.”
-Pema Chodron
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Old 08-29-2010, 07:59 PM
Catfish Catfish is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: America's High Five
Posts: 300


(It's polyamorous, by the way)
Concern yourself less with love and more with loving.
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