Well dang jealousy just gets uglier

[Majikdancer]

and its different forms.. but I can't find it .. i did a search but ended up with pages of stuff.... and not the one I was looking for ... can anyone help?
It was a thread dedicated to jealousy... about 7 pages long I think.. and talking about the different kinds.. and why it happens

[redpepper]

did you try doing a tag search? There is only two pages that way... its a big topic of discussion... you might just have a lot of reading ahead of you....

[Majikdancer]

I don't think I know how to do a tag search .. and it was a specific thread.. i read the entire thing this morning and wanted to add to it .. but i can't find it again And I don't want to "cross post".

[redpepper]

go to search, press tag search and then look for "jealousy" in the tag cloud.

[Majikdancer]

Thanks

[Majikdancer]

I thought that the thread about jealousy had room for this .. but it doesn't. I am fighting jealousy. But not about my Husband A and another partner. He doesn't have one. And even if he did I don't see a problem.

Not A having a problem with my partner... I don't have one and he has never had a problem with it in the past.

A has been in San Jose CA for almost 3 weeks now. He is with one of my/our best friends. There is no polly there just the best friends in the world.

The called me in June and asked if they could borrow him for three weeks. They needed physical help to do some home projects. They paid his way both ways, and paid my 12 yo daughters way to join him for the last week.

Of course I said yes. Why wouldn't I?

I wasn't invited because of a job issue. I don't have the vacation time built up yet. But it was made clear that as soon as I do they will have me down there too.

No problem. All good.

So of course he left. Msged me several times a day. And daughter was still here. So of course it was novel and fun for the two of us.

Daughter left Friday. A hasn't msged me without me calling. Which makes me look needy and stupid to them.

AND he is down there with the five most interesting adults I know. All in the same house. He also has my daughter.

AND my mom is gone to AZ and my two older kids are doing finals my neighbors are also gone my sis is gone camping.

So A is up in CA with the most interesting people I know just right there.

And I am here... alone .. really alone... I don't even have annoying adults to talk to.

And I am jealous.

[Derbylicious]

I don't know if this is as much jealousy as envy. It sucks to be the one on the outside seeing everyone else have fun. I have the very same feelings when I'm home with the kids (ages 4 and 6) and my husband is in some far away port posting pictures of him sitting on the beach with beer and his buddies and not a responsibility in the world for the weekend.

You have a need that isn't being met. Is it a need for company? Is it a need to find something interesting to fill your evenings? Is it a need for interesting conversation?

The difference between jealousy and envy is that with jealousy you don't want the others involved to have what they have whereas with envy you wish you had what they had. Either way find a way to meet your need. As a very smart woman I know says; be your own primary.

-Derby

[LoveWarrior]

I love this explanation.

A couple of weeks ago, my GF told me that her kids (she has 2, one who lives with her and another who is college bound), her BF (who lives in the same city as I - 200 miles from her) and her sister's family were all visiting. I was so happy for her yet found myself on the verge of tears. I felt left out... although there was no way I could have been there (no time to travel and no room) and I knew it was not a slight. However, I envied the time they would all have together... family time.

The next day, a dear friend who is like a sister to me, texted me that she was feeling lonely. She'd just moved about an hour north of me. I fixed my envy by driving up to hang out with her. I took her out for dinner and drinks and spent the night. I got the family time I needed. The universe really looked out for me.

Maybe you could arrange a gathering of close friends with whom you share a close bond to help fill the envy gap? It really worked wonders for me.

[Majikdancer]

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

. As a very smart woman I know says; be your own primary.

-Derby

That would be RedPepper. And maybe you are right .. I don't actually want him not to be there ... nore do I wish my daughter wasn't there. I just wish I was .. and I wish if I can't be that he would msg me more (that is where I thought jealousy). And he msged me all day every day untill my daughter got there. Which is actually when all my grown up conversation went away. And I am left feeling really petty. And kind of angry.

[Derbylicious]

Originally Posted by Majikdancer

That would be RedPepper. And maybe you are right .. I don't actually want him not to be there ... nore do I wish my daughter wasn't there. I just wish I was .. and I wish if I can't be that he would msg me more (that is where I thought jealousy). And he msged me all day every day untill my daughter got there. Which is actually when all my grown up conversation went away. And I am left feeling really petty. And kind of angry.

Ah, you need grown up conversation. There, you found your need, now you just need to find a way to fill it!