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  #21  
Old 08-27-2010, 08:03 AM
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Yes of course it can be done but your problem is that you are expecting that it be done straight away and will all be plain sailing from there on in. IT IS A PROCESS!!

You did a good thing by sharing your feelings with your husband and then somehow had them invalidated by "ignoring" the conversation. I am confused by that one. Communication is vital, you can't afford to ignore conversations and either can he.

Examine your fears and insecurities (the monster that rises). Do you fear him ending up loving her more than you and leaving, or are you envious of their intimacy and connectedness? If it is the latter then, as I've said before you both need to work on regaining that. Listen to what the monster is saying, monsters should not be ignored either.
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  #22  
Old 08-27-2010, 09:25 AM
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I hate monsters! They're scary! *shudder* Great...Now I won't be able to sleep with out the lights on! Thanks a lot! LOL
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  #23  
Old 08-27-2010, 03:36 PM
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So after the morning monster of yesterday, "C" and I ended up talking and talking, first on phone, then she came over and we talked and talked and talked. I was the one who actually said at one point, "We have already talked about that ad nauseum and I am not going there again." Ah progress!

It was pretty funny, because we had lots of laughs in the process and she wanted me to help her with some 'bikini line' stuff, and I did with the "No Touch" technique. Again, another proud moment for me!!

We ended up going to get our nails done and having a great time, and I felt so attached and secure....until the ride home when she mentioned again that she wanted a 'Date Night' with hubby ONLY. I said that we had talked about this before and I had asked for a little patience. Please just be patient. It will come but it can't happen this weekend. She was pissed, "I hate having limitations placed on me." She came at me a bit and again, I said, "Could we just ignore that last 5 minutes and get back to where we were?" Begrudgingly, she managed to (miraculous recover!) as we pulled into the driveway.

We had a quick bite of dinner and the three of us hit the bedroom for some incredibly good frolicking! It still confuses me a bit because we all are so incredibly compatible in the bedroom and she is INTO me a lot there. So...I will just roll with it and enjoy all the good pieces and try to push through the bad ones. When I feel nice and secure like this, it seems the monster is not even in the picture....of course. Let's hope it stays that way!

Thanks for any other words of wisdom!
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  #24  
Old 08-28-2010, 06:42 PM
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Just a quick update, in case others out there are experiencing some of the same insane NRE!! It truly is crazy!

Friday night was incredible! The 3 of us went out for a night in the big city. I am not sure if it was the great communication that we had had for the two days preceding it, or what....BUT I was soooo good with it! I was sooo comfortable 'letting' (not sure if that is the right word??) the two of them 'date each other' for the night. I hung back and watched and totally dug it!

Don't get me wrong. C paid me some kindness too....a few touches here and there, a steamy hot restroom stall kiss, and some beautiful smiles and laughs along the way, but I just seemed that I was good with it all, and the monster TRULY was no where to be seen!

We made it home and continued the frolicking into the early hours of the morn!

Soooo happy today....yet I look back to a few days ago (trying NOT to!) and wonder why or how I was so wigged out by it all. Hormones? lol.

I suggested to them both that they go for a motorbike ride together and enjoy some alone time, while I go to the Toy Store! <yay!>

Does anyone have any insight into this? Could it all be just from communication? Or is it the fact, that I have some attention again!?

Who knows? I will take it tho....it's beautiful!!
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  #25  
Old 08-28-2010, 10:06 PM
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AWESOME! This is GREAT to hear!
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  #26  
Old 09-01-2010, 10:11 PM
PollyPocket PollyPocket is offline
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Well, since this is the 'Roller Coaster' thread....here comes the down......CRASH!

As mentioned, Friday was outstanding, and Saturday day was great. C and hubby hung out a bit and had a nice time!

I arrived home with dinner, and unbenounced to me, C left to get home herself, and told me that we needed to be at her place within the hour to go to this party that she had booked us in to...with our agreement, of course.

So, rush rush rush. No dinner for me. Actually no food since breakfast - I SHOULD KNOW better I know!! And we picked her up.

The party was great with a live band and lots of ppl...outside. It should have been fun....but the monster was starting to surface!!! Aaaaaah!

Seriously, I had no idea where it came from, but it was bad and I wanted to leave. Of course, I wanted to leave with my hubby. Everyone was on eggshells. C wouldn't come near me. Hubby was sticking close by, arm around me.

Anyhow, needless to say....a big implosion followed by a day of no talk to/from the hubby. C and I made up the next day, but then she stopped talking to me on Monday, because he was afraid to Skype with her.

Ack...we have talked it out again. I feel like a douchebag and have apologized profusely, and tried to loosen my grip...still trying!! They are both begging me to do so...OR to end it. Frick. Tough tough work!

She is coming over for dinner tonight. Hopefully, we can all be cool.

I booked ANOTHER counseling appt, in hopes that someone can help with this 'control' thing (apparently) that I have going on.

I know I have asked before....but someone must have some sort of 'technique' that I could try to 'de-sensitize' to the situation or ????

Anything???
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  #27  
Old 09-02-2010, 12:25 AM
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Make friends with your monster. Give him or her a name and ask her what she is trying to tell you. Get some solitude when she surfaces and write down what she's telling you. Then work on what she says with the other parties concerned. You can't make them feel differently about you or each other but there are needs of yours that are not being met and they need to be aired.

I think your monster is trying to tell you that you are forcing yourself to accept a situation that is very difficult without the appropriate self care. The amount others care for us is usually a reflection of how well we care for ourselves.

Don't expect things be be right overnight. Aim for a less aggressive monster each time but this will only come about if you start acknowledging the issues and working them through. The monster is a result of the problems, not the problem herself.

They won't love you anymore if you force yourself to be really really good and not make a fuss about what's going on. You will just create a really ugly monster.
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  #28  
Old 09-02-2010, 12:41 AM
PollyPocket PollyPocket is offline
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Thanks Sage, you seem really good with this stuff! Lots of practice??

What I want is to relax. I know - logically - that we are ALL good with each other, but it seems that logic has little room at times! Which is odd, since I am very logic based (programmer).

I bought 100 bucks worth of snacks today....so hopefully, the monster doesn't rise with a low blood sugar only!!

They keep asking me, 'what is in it for me?' I just really love being tight with the both of them. It's so fucked up. Or maybe not....who knows.

Anyhow, I am working on my self...which by the way is a pretty secure self 90% of the time...but that 10% down almosts kicks my own ass to the curb!!

Thanks again...
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  #29  
Old 09-02-2010, 12:46 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Watching....Lurking....Learning.
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  #30  
Old 09-02-2010, 01:34 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PollyPocket View Post

Anyhow, I am working on my self...which by the way is a pretty secure self 90% of the time...but that 10% down almosts kicks my own ass to the curb!!

Thanks again...
That's actually a pretty good split of up and down IMO. I was almost 50/50 for the better part of a year and it almost drove me crazy.

I finally needed a visual way to understand this new cycle of ups and down and collect my thoughts. Ups and downs come in all relationships but this was the first time I had experienced anything like this roller coaster. Getting to know the monster and your metamour more is the key.

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