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Old 12-24-2012, 03:00 AM
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Helo Helo is offline
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Sacrifice him on an altar of wrought obsidian that dark forces may feast on his erring flesh!!!


I don't mean to minimize but the human memory is not a perfect thing. I was engaged to be married to a woman, we had been together for five years by this point, and one day I looked her straight in the face...and forgot her name. This was a woman I'd known for six years, been dating for five, and been engaged to for four. For at least five minutes, I could not drag up her name.

I wouldn't take it as an insult. Our brains do strange things at times.
I am as direct as a T-Rex with 'roid rage and about as subtle. It isn't intended to cause upset, I just prefer to talk plain. There are plenty of other people here who do the nice, polite thing much better than I can. I'm what you'd call a "problem dinner guest."
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Old 01-02-2013, 01:54 AM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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It's funny the connections our brains make... my sisters are 15 and 17 years younger than I. For years, they were "the kids" to me. Until I had my second child.

One child, no problem. Two? Brain wiring went cuckoo and I called my kids by my sisters' names and vice versa. My wiring for "the kids" got crossed when I had another similar grouping in my head.

I find it a fascinating reminder of how our brains make connections, and the one time my partner called me by his OSO's name (although there have been other "oops, wrong girl" moments) it's more of a reminder that we're both close to him, as opposed to feeling like he's thinking of someone else. But then, I can be a bit of a psych geek and eat this stuff up.
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Old 01-02-2013, 05:03 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Don`t make anything of it.

He's half-asleep still, and he had an 'oopsie'. Forgetaboutit.
Heck, even if he was wide awake, and you had neon name-tags plastered to your forehead, no harm was done.

I have 4 kids. Sometimes (often, actually. ) I look at one and say ; " Hey, T,..I mean E,..I mean V,..well, you know who you are ! Come here please !"

If they had an identity crisis everytime I did it, I'd be paying more for therapy, then I already need to pay for College.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:20 PM
Hannahfluke Hannahfluke is offline
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We joke that my older son's name is a combination of both his and his brother's name, I've said it so often that way. I wouldn't think too much of the fact he called you by his other girlfriend's name. I'm not sure I've done it to either my husband or my boyfriend, probably because I very rarely call my boyfriend by name. But it wouldn't surprise me to find out I did, just because sometimes my brain works weird.
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Old 01-02-2013, 11:10 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I think this is VERY common.

I frequently flip flop my kids names, I know my mom does as well.

Yesterday I was telling the dog to lay down because he was running all over the livingroom. His name is Forney. I said, "Little P LAY DOWN." Little P is my grandson! TOTALLY not the same thing AND he was also in the room! OOPS!

I frequently call my 5 year old by her 21 year old sisters name. Last week I referred to my boyfriend by my 12 year old son's name! (no not during sex!).

The most memorable I think was an evening my husband and I were having an argument. He was being a real jerk, we were recently together and I am fairly certain he had been drinking. I called him by my most recent ex-boyfriends name.
We both caught it and silence ensued. Shortly thereafter he broke the silence with a comment about how he supposed he was acting enough like my ex to warrant that remark (not realizing it had been an accident).
Later I explained that it was an accident. But-it stuck in both of our minds and a strong reminder that if we behave like a familiar person-our minds connect us to that person.

I understand the sense of "hey I want you to KNOW its me you are with when we are together". It's one of the reasons I don't care to mix dating and drinking.
But, it's important to realize that even if we know precisely who we are talking to-sometimes the wrong name comes out. Furthermore, when we are talking to/about people with similar places in our lives, we may get all of those things crisscrossed too.

I read an article-either in October or November Psychology Today regarding "slips of the tongue" and how they can manifest. A lot of it was basic biological "oops"-as if we reached into the wrong file cabinet and spoke before we managed to grab the right file.

I say-let it go. Talk about it-find some humor in it-take it as a compliment.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 01-03-2013, 12:32 AM
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NerfHerder NerfHerder is offline
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I wouldn't worry about it too much, as everyone else here has said, it happens to everyone. My mom still calls me by her oldest brother's name and she's had to deal with me for nearly 34 years now.

It could be worse, I accidentally called my wife by the dog's name (hey, they both start with "T"!) and I don't think she'll ever let me forget it.
Me - 38 years old
Wife - Allycka - 31 years old

- CAUTION: May be scruffy-looking
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Old 01-03-2013, 04:32 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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My great-grandmother had so much trouble with remembering her children's name that she just said all of them at once. The funny thing about that is that her daughter (my grandmother) and then my own father took that habit... with the name of HER children, not their own.

In other words, my father would use the wrong name for one of the kids... and then automatically go through all the names of his mother and uncles, as though that would help at all :P Hell, I'm so used to hearing it I wouldn't be surprised if I start doing it if I ever have enough children to mix up their names (which would mean two of them :P)
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Old 01-03-2013, 06:36 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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So many people here replied with tales of their family members calling people by the wrong name. However, if you're waking up in bed with a lover and they call you by the name of another lover of theirs, that's a bit different. Not that I don't see it as simply a groggy mistake, and ultimately not enough to feel hurt by, but I can see how it would be a little more dismaying than Grandma calling a grand kid by the dog's name. When one has a night of passion with someone we care about, we want them to remember who we are as the sun comes up!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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Old 01-03-2013, 08:05 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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It's been a close call for me a couple times, because Fly and Moonlight's names are very similar and actually rhyme! So far I've caught myself, but I'm fairly certain a mistake is inevitable.

If one of them called me the wrong name, my feelings would be hurt. Intellectually, I would know it was just an accident, but I would freak out inside for a second. I'm sorry that happened to you, but hopefully you can let it go as the unintentional hurt it was.

- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
- Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"
- No longer lives with ex-boyfriend Fly (1/2006 - 12/2013, my introduction to nonmonogamy, ultimately amicable breakup), and his 11-year-old son Kiddo
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Old 01-04-2013, 04:14 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Of course, nycindie, you feel different when called by a different lover's name, for psychological reasons. However, I think the examples were simply trying to say "being called by another name doesn't mean you're not special or loved".

I have to say that from the person saying the wrong name's side, it is definitely more embarrassing to use the wrong name for a lover than calling your roommate your cat's name. Actually, the level of embarrassment is only equal to calling a teacher "mom" or "dad" at school, I would say. All the rest can be brushed off more easily, but these mistakes can have implications that are not always comfortable to contemplate.
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hurt feelings, wrong name

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