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  #1  
Old 08-24-2010, 03:38 PM
Brunetteangel03 Brunetteangel03 is offline
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Question coming out as bisexual

Ok, I know that this isn't poly, but it is related so I thought I would post to get other's opinions. I have been into both male and female since high school, but during high school it was an awkward stage and very confusing time. Now as an adult I am learning to accept my sexuality and feel that I need to become a part of that community. I am out to alot of my friends, but not out to my family, I don't feel they will be supportive or understand. So many ppl don't really think that we exist, especially the LGBQT commmunity, most think we are in a "phase". I really want to come out to everyone. Should I do that knowing their won't be support there? How do I go about doing it? How do I explain the whole bisexuality not a phase subject...
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Old 08-24-2010, 06:09 PM
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Why not just wait until you're in a relationship that matters to you that is with a member of the same gender. If you want to introduce them to your family it will become fairly obvious that you're not straight.
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Old 08-24-2010, 06:43 PM
Brunetteangel03 Brunetteangel03 is offline
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I am currently in a Triad relationship with a married couple. So I have both a girlfriend and boyfriend, but she isn't out. I am out to most of my friends. The reason I feel I really want to get out there is because I am tired of hiding who I am. this is a part of that and I really want to embrace it but I feel hiding it doesn't allow me to do it to my fullest extent...
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Old 08-24-2010, 07:31 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brunetteangel03 View Post
I am currently in a Triad relationship with a married couple. So I have both a girlfriend and boyfriend, but she isn't out. I am out to most of my friends. The reason I feel I really want to get out there is because I am tired of hiding who I am. this is a part of that and I really want to embrace it but I feel hiding it doesn't allow me to do it to my fullest extent...
Will coming out have an effect on her being outted?
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Old 08-24-2010, 07:45 PM
Brunetteangel03 Brunetteangel03 is offline
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I am not sure, I don't think so, but they are both in the military, so we always have to be cautious about our sexuality and being together and such. But since my family doesn't really know them, it shouldn't have an effect on them.
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Old 08-25-2010, 02:33 AM
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Why come out about any of it. Your relationship is brand new no? Perhaps this need to come out is a part of your NRE? Sometimes when we are so happy with our lives and what we are doing we feel like telling the world... the thing is the world is not experiencing that and actually could take offense to what you are up to. I suggest just relaxing and enjoying yourself for as long as you can.... seeing where it all goes and when you know that there is a sustainable future that will involve others knowing, then come out as both bi and poly. There is no rush for these things I think.... besides, your wonderful happy feelings could crash when you tell people. Why bring that on? What does it serve you? and what does it serve them!? It's likely at this point in the game that it doesn't serve them at all. They could think you are a freak and wonder why you would tell them when to them, you barely know your couple....

I don't want you to think I am putting a downer on any of this for you... I have just heard so many new poly tribes wanting to frantically come out and are glad they haven't because they see later that it was probably best to wait... or they have and have spent more time dealing with the backlash rather than having a great time with their loves without the whole world knowing...
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Old 08-25-2010, 03:55 AM
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My 12 almost 13 yo daughter recently came out to me and her father as bi. No problem for us. Also no surprise (she was a little disappointed when we said "ya and.?”) no drama.

She was ready to go tell Grams who she already knew would “love you but be disappointed” and Aunt Sonya who would “love you but be sad” . She was worried about two of her older siblings who might actually disown her.

She knew our church would be fine.

We encouraged her to only tell people that might help her... a few people at church .. us. No siblings, no friends that would freak. She is not sure of herself yet. Certainly not in a relationship yet. Why put yourself through that?
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Old 08-25-2010, 03:15 PM
Bibliophile Bibliophile is offline
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I'll chime in and say you might want to at least wait a while and let your relationship settle a bit. In my situation, I can't really talk about my own triad, either: the area of the country we live in is very ... erm.. traditional, and wouldn't look at it favorably. Rather than feeling it's some dark secret, I think of it as really not being anyone's business but ours.

The same concept applies to my own bisexuality. My close friends know, and some not so close friends for that matter, but I'm not "out" to the world. My mother knows, but my father does not (they've been divorced since I was young). My aunts and uncles are mostly elderly, I see them very rarely, and I see no reason for them to know who I'm sleeping with. Nor am I close, either emotionally or geographically, to my cousins, so they're unaware as well.

In my case, I've had trouble with depression in the past, and one thing I know will bring my mood down is social drama. For that reason, I've tried to surround myself with people I know will be emotionally supportive people (i.e. not full of gossip, back-biting, and petty machinations), and it seems to me that coming out to the world at large would just be inviting a lot of negative energy into my life.
Quote:
How do I explain the whole bisexuality not a phase subject...
From what I've seen of people, it seems to me that there are some bisexuals (like you and I, for instance) who knew early on they were attracted to both. Others do, indeed, go through a phase where they experiment with both, either out of curiosity or for the shock value of it. Some of them do "grow out of it." Some of them continue on with it, probably because they always were interested in both but didn't realize how much until they actually acted upon those feelings.

Just my two cents.
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Old 08-25-2010, 03:20 PM
Brunetteangel03 Brunetteangel03 is offline
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Thank you all so much for your input. It is helpful for me to understand that not all will be accepting. I guess I just wish sometimes the world wasn't so blind or nieve to the diff sexualities out there.
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