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Old 08-13-2010, 07:46 PM
sarahmaru sarahmaru is offline
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so i've had this struggle with my sexuality for a long time now. and today, i felt that i had this epiphany that i might be a polyamorous person..i recall a few years back talking to my best friend on the phone. if you've ever seen hedwig and the angry inch, you probably know the scene/animation about people being born connected and then split apart by the gods. and those were soul mates, and they knew when they'd found each other, because they'd been connected from the start. so anyway, i asked her (my best friend) if she thought it was possible that more than 2 people could be connected. maybe 3 or 4 or even more. i was in a relationship at the time, and i knew i loved the guy. but i knew i loved her too, and she loved me. it was a very confusing time.

today, i think back on the special people that i've loved, that i still love. and i see no reason why i shouldn't continue loving them. considering them special people that i want to take care of romantically and emotionally and yes, physically. it would be foolish to think they're necessarily mature enough to consider a polyamorous relationship, and i haven't even considered bringing it up to my current fiance yet. but i'm wondering, does this sound like something any of you has encountered? it would be quite a relief to think that i'd found an orientation that made sense.

i've always felt overwhelmed with feeling for certain people. they just connected to me in a way that escaped words. even though i "should," i don't think i do love any of them more than others. i had a group of friends that revered indifference but still tried to sleep with everyone in sight. and i hated it, so i thought monogamy was the way for me. now i think i just felt too deeply to not share romance and intimacy on every level. if i couldn't have that, well casual sex was just a horrible idea..

wow, i'm babbling. this is just a really intense feeling for me. years of confusion, and now suddenly i think i've found something i might understand..please, any feedback or advice would be great. thanks!

ps: i didn't read back over this to edit or anything. so please excuse typos and stream-of-consciousness rambling.
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Old 08-13-2010, 08:23 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by sarahmaru View Post
...i'm wondering, does this sound like something any of you has encountered?
Yes. I imagine quite a few of us could report that same thing.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 08-13-2010, 11:55 PM
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sage sage is offline
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Hi and welcome

My partner struggled with exactly this for years. It pained me to see his struggle, seeing himself as somehow abnormal or damaged, so I set about finding out more and this is where I ended up as well.

It is a good place. It has helped me to feel that our relationship is normal and OK, when the world is often very quick to judge and harsh in its judgements. He is now feeling much better about himself and it seems that makes him able to love me more.

If this is something that is coming up for you in quite an emotional way during your engagement I think you should deal with it before you get married. If it didn't matter and was just a passing whim I doubt whether it would be having the emotional impact on you that it seems to be having. My partner lived 10 years in a marriage that became very painful, partly as a result of this.
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Old 08-16-2010, 05:04 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I felt the same way and I've found it so relieving being able to be honest and upfront about that aspect of myself.

Furthermore-I daresay that the people nearest and dearest to me are relieved to understand me too.

BUT-you do need to address this with the fiance asap so as to avoid a lot of painful heartache later.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:42 PM
marica marica is offline
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Same here, same here. I had the same epiphany just today. After reading your post, sarahmaru, I realized more about what I'm feeling right now (thanks!). That could-continue-with-people-you-used-to-love-thing. Yeah. I think I could just start again with an ex-boyfriend whom I'm still attracted to and still continue in this mono relationship that I'm in. It feels SO weird but polyamory helps to understand it. I guess we're both in similar situations. I'm glad there's people who have gone through this and who can help.
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