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  #121  
Old 03-08-2013, 11:31 PM
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Hmmm ... Is there some reason she doesn't want to take Zoloft?

Having the kids may have affected her hormones in some way ... just thinking out loud here.
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  #122  
Old 03-11-2013, 04:10 AM
learninginTN learninginTN is offline
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She feels that taking it "evens her out" too much. She thinks taking it is tantamount to admitting she's "broken" and that she should be allowed her emotions as is, and that everyone else should just deal with it.

Last night she confronted me after I had stepped out of the shower, and for 30 minutes made me "talk" to her because she's angry that I "outed" her and her guy to our friend, the same friend she's forbidden me to speak with. She stood in front of the door and wouldn't let me leave to get dressed, so I just argued with her naked for half an hour.

Tonight she screamed, using profanity, at the girls because they wouldn't go to sleep when she wanted. Finally left to see her guy after they finally got to sleep, and I was more than ready for her to leave.
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  #123  
Old 03-11-2013, 01:46 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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How was the situation with the girls resolved ??? and did you ever think about asking a pediatrician....not the girls Dr. because of the obvious conflict but someone who may have seen studies.

Attack while vulnerable good tactic...great power play move...bad for long term relationships.

I think you need to protect yourself and the kids from this. Watch the self destruction from a safe distance.
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  #124  
Old 03-11-2013, 07:38 PM
learninginTN learninginTN is offline
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I forgot to add that during her rant at me this weekend, her parents were there, and she was yelling loud enough that her step-mom heard her, because she asked me if everything was alright between us, and said she'd heard W yelling at me.

At one point she actually told me when her parents left she wanted me to leave, because "I can't live with you right now". I said "No. If anyone leaves it should be you". She said "Fine". (she loves that word). After her folks left, she didn't keep her word (except to go see her guy for a few late-night nookie hours). She also got upset after reading a text conversation I had with my newfound "interest" J. During the conversation J asked me if I was looking forward to spending time with W's folks, to which I jokingly replied something along the lines of "not really". That got me about 15 minutes worth of her wrath.

She actually emailed our counsellor that we needed an urgent session, and actually sent her a copy of FB messages I had sent to our "friend" about her problems. She continues to check my phone any time I leave it unguarded, but still password protects messages from 4 separate people. I think during tonight's session I'm going to go ahead and recommend ending our open marriage and see where that gets me. My guess is both W and counsellor will try to talk me out of it, but I really can't take this anymore. I've reached my limit of the no-sex, boundary pushing, emotional abuse, screaming, controlling behavior.
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  #125  
Old 03-11-2013, 11:54 PM
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I guess ending the open marriage would put a stop to the boundary pushing at least, but who knows. I don't know what else to suggest shy of a divorce. What does the counsellor have to say about all this?

It seems that W is out of control and she doesn't even realize it.
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  #126  
Old 03-12-2013, 11:34 AM
learninginTN learninginTN is offline
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Well, after a somewhat productive counselling session last night, it all went to hell in a handbasket around 11:00pm. First, a little background. Last week W asked if she could go to an "event" in Charlotte with her guy (I'm going to start calling him B) and a couple that is "friends of his". I asked her what type of event, and she wouldn't elaborate. I initially tell her I'm OK with this, but I'm curious as to what type of event.

So last night I text B and ask him what type of event they're planning to go to, and he tells me it's a type of fetish event, pretty much like a kink convention. I ask him about this couple that they're planning to go with, and he is evasive and just refers me back to W. Hmmmm...

So apparently B texts W and lets her know I'm asking about the event. W comes into our bedroom (I'm already lying down for the night), and tells me the couple they're planning on going with is K & L. I am incredulous. A little background on K & L. Back when we were just swinging, we began to swing a little with them. L was a friend of W's from her work, and we used to hang out with K & L as friends before we decided to try to swing. Our first attempt was awkward, our second attempt it was even more awkward. I later find out that L does not like me, but is OK having threesomes with her hubby and W. She says some unkind things about me. I find out later that W is actually planning on going through with these threesomes against my wishes. We withdraw from them, although W and L remain vanilla friends but we don't socialize as couples anymore, for obvious reasons.

I tell her that going to this sexually-charged fetish event with B and with K & L is totally unacceptable to me. It is a slap in the face that she would want to attend such an event with them after all that happened, and that if she carries through with this plan, I am ending our open marriage. She basically tells me that she is NOT going to cancel her plans on this issue, so I say that this polyamory is over, and I'm going to call B and let him know. She seems resigned to this happening, and starts talking about a bunch of divorce scenarios. A few times she makes the somewhat weak argument that if her going to this event with her friends is more important than our marriage, then so be it. She totally doesn't get it. This morning before she goes to work she makes another impassioned argument that "I can't tell her who she can be friends with, and she and B can do what they want to do". I tell her she can indeed do what she wants, but so can I, and if they do this in total disregard of my feelings, then I'm withdrawing my permission for this open marriage.

So that's where we stand.
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  #127  
Old 03-12-2013, 07:41 PM
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Well, it sounds like things might be coming to a head soon, but we'll see if she backs down on this fetish event at the last second. Do keep us posted, and you deserve many kudos for enduring a lot of bad treatment from her.

I am also a little concerned to hear that B might have a clue about how bad things are between you and W, but perhaps I should hold off on that concern unless/until there's direct confirmation from B about that.

Sounds like the counsellor is reasonably supportive of you; I guess that's one silver lining in this large black cloud.
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  #128  
Old 03-12-2013, 10:20 PM
learninginTN learninginTN is offline
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Well, it seems W talked to both L and B, and they both were very apologetic for wanting to do the trip, and cancelled. B told W he is unsure he wants to be with her anymore. I haven't even spoken with him, but it seems he is starting to realize the damage this is doing to our relationship. He may be sensing that W has been untruthful with him about the state of our marriage.

In any event, W called me at work and was even angrier than last night. She is basically upset about my "ultimatum" and is "offering" me a chance for her to be a co-parenting partner with no romantic stuff.

I'm starting to work on the details of the divorce. I don't want a co-parenting roommate. She's toxic, and not fit to be a parent or my wife at this point. I'm going to present a situation where she just provides financial support, moves out, and sees the girls as little as possible.
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  #129  
Old 03-12-2013, 11:08 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re:
Quote:
"She's toxic, and not fit to be a parent or my wife at this point."
Yeah I have to agree, based on all I've read about the situation. It's odd that she seemingly still wants to be in your company, and in the kids' company, when you all anger her so. Perhaps she is less certain of what she wants than she declares.

I am somewhat relieved to hear that B (along with L) seems to be supportive of your position. Maybe that's why W doesn't want a clean divorce, because then B would leave too and she'd end up alone.

Nasty, ugly, unpleasant situation. I don't envy you. Maybe if W hits bottom she'll get some help, and consider some meds after all. I imagine she'd have to hit pretty hard, though.
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  #130  
Old 03-13-2013, 11:07 AM
learninginTN learninginTN is offline
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Well, last night was a confusing night. When W got home she was all weepy and huggy and saying she didn't know what to do, that she's never going to be happy. I told her I had been working on a plan where she would move out and see the girls no more than once/week. She cried and cried and said she couldn't do that.

Then she gets all humble and starts talking about trying to do what I want, and stopping the screaming, the criticism, etc. Says she wants to take me to this nice place in Asheville for date night on Friday.

I am so sick of this drama. Now I'm the one who doesn't know what to do.
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