Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-17-2012, 03:18 PM
HimAndHerInBP HimAndHerInBP is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 28
Default Good morning, everyone!

Well, as is customary, introductions first. We are a poly-leaning couple from Minnesota. As an FYI, this is actually a joint account for the two of us so if you ever wish to contact one of us in specific, simply address it as such. Otherwise, the assumption will be you're addressing both of us.

Anyhow, we suppose a bit of present info and history would be in order. We're 34(M) and 33(F) years old, married for a bit over ten years, have no children and are essentially your typical working white collar professionals. As for our history and how we got here, it seems semi unique in general...but perhaps not in a community such as this. HA HA!

So, fresh out of high school, we were set up on a blind date of sorts. Basically, her very good friend started seeing his very good friend but neither drove so she got stuck being their chauffeur under the guise of hanging out. She requested he bring someone for her to hang out with and that's where he entered the mix. At that time, we were going to start college locally, so didn't want to start dating someone. But, we became FWBs.

After awhile (maybe a year), that dreaded word came up...feelings. Ew! HA HA! Anyhow, while we were together early on, we met a couple of people who introduced us to the world of swinging (we were both 23). They ran a club and we were curious enough to poke around. OK...maybe the wrong choice of words. Nothing ever happened there other than learning and such.

Fast forward about a year and we're married. She'd always been bi-curious with very limited experience and we've always discussed it at various points and to different levels (this was part of the interest in swinging...just wound up not being of interest to us). After being married for about six years or so, we opted to delve in to things a bit more. Early on, it was purely physical but we were only looking for an on going FWB set up. Over that time, our conversations and general interest have become more poly in nature. And, as a result, we had developed two actual relationships with women (at separate times). One ended and the other is still kind of in limbo. She is in an open poly (M primary, we are her secondary) on top being a doctor in her residency so time is very limited. But, that's a different discussion all together.

So, that's a bit about us. Where we're at, how we got here, etc. We've only spoke briefly with very few poly people in our area and will be exploring more as time moves forward. Interestingly enough, we've received some rather harsh judgement from all three people we've come across because of the way we're poly (essentially, an equal triad is what we seek) doesn't fit their definition. Thought that was rather humorous. Anyhow, we're guessing that's not really indicative of the community as a whole.

So, with that, we say hello and nice to meet you. You'll likely see us pop up here and there with questions and opinions. And certainly feel free to ask us anything you may want to know!

-Crysti and Adam
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-17-2012, 05:15 PM
niceinjeans niceinjeans is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Franklin, TN (middle TN)
Posts: 27
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by HimAndHerInBP View Post
Interestingly enough, we've received some rather harsh judgement from all three people we've come across because of the way we're poly (essentially, an equal triad is what we seek) doesn't fit their definition.
Polyamory is what you make of it. There are single polys, married dyad polys, triads, quads, vees, etc etc. Do what makes you all happy. Welcome to the forums.

NIJ
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-17-2012, 07:29 PM
HimAndHerInBP HimAndHerInBP is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 28
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by niceinjeans View Post
Polyamory is what you make of it. There are single polys, married dyad polys, triads, quads, vees, etc etc. Do what makes you all happy. Welcome to the forums.

NIJ
Yeah...we'd assumed as much. And even if it wasn't, we still would do it. Ha ha! Thanks!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-21-2012, 10:59 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 5,030
Default

Hi Crysti and Adam,
Welcome to our forum.

It sounds like you have been on a journey of sorts for some time, definitely not static or stagnant. It's definitely okay to seek a triad relationship; I'm surprised (and bummed) about the negative reaction you received in that area.

Are you okay with being secondary partners to the person you're currently with? Would that fit with the triad set-up that you had envisioned?

Glad to have you aboard.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-21-2012, 11:30 PM
HimAndHerInBP HimAndHerInBP is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 28
Default

No worries on the negative reactions. Jerks exist in all walks of life. Ha ha!

As for our current, we would be if things were more "involved". We've known her since May and things picked up in July. We would see each other roughly 2-4 times a month, which was fine. But there is NO interaction outside of that. You know...the best way to get to know someone? Lol. She's not a fan of texting which is fine so we asked what best way to communicate with her. She informed us email would be best for contact outside of in person. But even that has not worked. So, we'll see where things go from here. Communication is massively important to us. And it's just lacking from her end. As for being secondary, that's not a problem at all. Have been from the start. But we'd like a bit more. We'll see where it goes when we have a chance to chat more in person.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-22-2012, 12:15 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 5,030
Default

Sounds like a good plan; you might want to negotiate with her for a specific expectation on how often you can depend on her to email you. Not all arrangements work out, but I'll hope this one does just the same.

Communication is definitely important, so hopefully she'll work something out with you.

Regards,
KDT
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-22-2012, 05:15 AM
HimAndHerInBP HimAndHerInBP is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 28
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Sounds like a good plan; you might want to negotiate with her for a specific expectation on how often you can depend on her to email you. Not all arrangements work out, but I'll hope this one does just the same.

Communication is definitely important, so hopefully she'll work something out with you.

Regards,
KDT
Perhaps it's a bit foolish, but we approach triad relationships the same way we do a regular. Most will never work, some may and finding that perfect fit is near impossible...but worth searching for.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-22-2012, 05:37 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 5,030
Default

Yes I think it's worthwhile. And triad relationships do have much in common with regular relationships. Keep searching, you'll get there.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:31 PM.