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  #31  
Old 08-12-2010, 05:45 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I'm not sure why people stay here if they don't like it. I have looked at other forums and come back to this one more often than not. I don't have a desire to change other forums though. I just go where I feel comfortable and engaged and challenged in the way that fits for me.
It would be easy to read this as "people who feel unwelcome should just leave."

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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I'm not sure what is to be gained by saying we are privileged.... it's a public forum, if it were private, that would be more a privelge to point out I would think....
Privilege is a dynamic that exists when people who feel unwelcome are made to feel that their concerns are unimportant. As evidenced in this thread.

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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
In any case, I like ygirl's presence here. I will continue to support her and protect her as long as I want to. We all do that with people in our lives. We all support those that we want to. I don't make any apologise for that and won't be changing that any time soon. If ygirl asks to to leave her alone and not support her, then I will do that out respect for her. It's between her and I really.
And that's not the issue. Feel free to defend and make welcome who you want. But just understand that this place is not welcoming for many. Apparently the response to that is, "so what?"

I prefer to be a bit more inclusive, that's all.
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  #32  
Old 08-12-2010, 06:08 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
It would be easy to read this as "people who feel unwelcome should just leave."



Privilege is a dynamic that exists when people who feel unwelcome are made to feel that their concerns are unimportant. As evidenced in this thread.



And that's not the issue. Feel free to defend and make welcome who you want. But just understand that this place is not welcoming for many. Apparently the response to that is, "so what?"

I prefer to be a bit more inclusive, that's all.
I did not say people are not welcome. *You* read into that.

...got it, people feel unwelcome. That's too bad. I do, some don't, I can't do much about that.
@ygirl-got it, you can take care of yourself.
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  #33  
Old 08-12-2010, 06:33 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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@ygirl-got it, you can take care of yourself.

People are free to contact other members of this forum privately and discuss whatever or whomever they wish. I would be lying if I said I never do the same.
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  #34  
Old 08-12-2010, 06:44 PM
Ilove2men Ilove2men is offline
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Sigh, Ceoli... I just have to get this off my chest. I really admire the knowledge that you CAN bring to the table. You have helped me alot and others here as well, but it was you that I was referring in my agreance with Ari. You seem to have an agenda to point out how this forum has populars kids and the odd balls need to stand aside or leave. It really stinks of highschool issues from your past or something. I just wonder... Why are you here? Why do you come to a board that you so love to bash. I feel you have so much more to offer to the people of this board, but you chose to do this instead. It saddens me. Some don't always agree with what you say, you don't always agree with what others say. I just don't see why you have to break up and decipher other's posts to suit your agenda. What are you achieving within yourself by brow beating the people on here? I say this not from this thread (although it seems to be headed there) but from previous disputes you have had with people here.

All I know is yes there are those who post ALOT more than others and that does set the mood, but we can't limit how many posts they make or set a minimum quota for the lurkers to ensure this place is more dynamic. There is no affirmative action here. So we have a few that stand out more than the rest... This makes us unwelcoming how? People are all different. Some get along. Some don't. Just because it is online doesn't mean that a forum will be comepletely balanced. There are people behind these keyboards. I wouldn't be friends with everyone in the real world and not because they are different (im drawn to different and get annoyed by those similar to me) but because we just don't mesh well. It happens. The world will never ever ever be all inclusive. As much as you want to claim that you are more inclusive than those on here you are merely human and therefore you will suffer the same trait as well all do. The inability to be all inclusive.

and now I'm done. Pick apart what you will if you must. I'll get over with quicy if you like. You will win. 1) I don't want to fuss or debate with you. 2) I'm not on your skill level with this sort of thing.

Just know I respect what I have known you to bring to the table when you aren't on a mission and I wish I would see more of that and less of this.
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  #35  
Old 08-12-2010, 07:00 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Originally Posted by Ilove2men View Post
Sigh, Ceoli... I just have to get this off my chest. I really admire the knowledge that you CAN bring to the table. You have helped me alot and others here as well, but it was you that I was referring in my agreance with Ari. You seem to have an agenda to point out how this forum has populars kids and the odd balls need to stand aside or leave. It really stinks of highschool issues from your past or something. I just wonder... Why are you here? Why do you come to a board that you so love to bash. I feel you have so much more to offer to the people of this board, but you chose to do this instead. It saddens me. Some don't always agree with what you say, you don't always agree with what others say. I just don't see why you have to break up and decipher other's posts to suit your agenda. What are you achieving within yourself by brow beating the people on here? I say this not from this thread (although it seems to be headed there) but from previous disputes you have had with people here.
I have no issues with popularity or anything of the like. I have issues with space and being inclusive with any community that claims to have or seek those traits. I'd just like to see more space made here. Apparently that causes a whole lotta issues for people when I point out there there are places where there there isn't space. I'd just like to see a bit more diversity of views. Apparently making my views about that is "brow-beating". So be it. I have views and I post them. That's why I'm here. I really don't care if I'm liked or even listened to. But I do care about what other people who may come here seeking information see and read.

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Originally Posted by Ilove2men View Post
All I know is yes there are those who post ALOT more than others and that does set the mood, but we can't limit how many posts they make or set a minimum quota for the lurkers to ensure this place is more dynamic. There is no affirmative action here. So we have a few that stand out more than the rest... This makes us unwelcoming how? People are all different. Some get along. Some don't. Just because it is online doesn't mean that a forum will be comepletely balanced. There are people behind these keyboards. I wouldn't be friends with everyone in the real world and not because they are different (im drawn to different and get annoyed by those similar to me) but because we just don't mesh well. It happens. The world will never ever ever be all inclusive. As much as you want to claim that you are more inclusive than those on here you are merely human and therefore you will suffer the same trait as well all do. The inability to be all inclusive.

and now I'm done. Pick apart what you will if you must. I'll get over with quicy if you like. You will win. 1) I don't want to fuss or debate with you. 2) I'm not on your skill level with this sort of thing.

Just know I respect what I have known you to bring to the table when you aren't on a mission and I wish I would see more of that and less of this.
I'm not proposing any of that. Just suggesting that people be a bit more aware. Yet again, when I suggest such things or make my views known, it turns into disruptive drama. Ah well.
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  #36  
Old 08-12-2010, 07:01 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
...got it, people feel unwelcome. That's too bad. I do, some don't, I can't do much about that.
@ygirl-got it, you can take care of yourself.
Eh. I'd prefer to do something about it.
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  #37  
Old 08-12-2010, 07:41 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
Eh. I'd prefer to do something about it.
You do no? You start your own threads and people engage with you. I don't get it. What more is there, no one has forced an agenda on here. We all do the same things. The fact of the matter is that some people are interested in what we say and some aren't. No one can make people engage. People do when they feel comfortable to do so. I try and create comfort because I want people to engage with (its kind of like the host and being hosted thing I had a thread on once). If people don't create comfort, then how can they expect people to want to talk with them. I certainly have been guilty of making others uncomfortable in my life off this forum, they leave or don't talk with me. I do the same, I leave or don't talk to that person until I feel comfortable.

The rest is left up to the site owner, we can't make up forums on our own, just moderate what's here and follow the policies. If those policies change its up to him. He isn't interested in doing that as its all running along smoothly. If he did and things changed somehow then the mods would adjust or leave and the people who come here would adjust or leave.
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  #38  
Old 08-12-2010, 07:54 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
(everyones poly is different, well thats kind of a weak foundation to build a site on in my very long experience at doign this).
I have to question that claim because I can assure you that such a notion was never considered as essential to anything dealing with site policies. Indeed, I can assure you that such a notion was never considered *at all* when the site policies were being decided.

I can say *definitively* that such a notion is not the foundation of this site.

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I think the only thing I don't like about this site, and this is not limited to here, is the lack of story line when things are tough (this applied for regulars I should say). I find sometimes people tend to only post when things when they are going well. This creates a false sense of "how it can be" when everyone is dealing with their demons.
...
This is changing a bit, as more people are blogging, and more members are joining. But it was a concern of mine shortly after I joined.
That is a function of the members posting what they want to talk about--something site staff can't do much about.
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  #39  
Old 08-12-2010, 08:00 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
Could be. But if a resource is going to be a resource, it would be nice for that resource to be inclusive rather than exclusive.
This site includes *everybody who chooses to use it*, so long as they play by the rules.

Folks who exclude *themselves* are in no position to criticize.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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  #40  
Old 08-12-2010, 08:05 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
I have to question that claim because I can assure you that such a notion was never considered as essential to anything dealing with site policies. Indeed, I can assure you that such a notion was never considered *at all* when the site policies were being decided.

I can say *definitively* that such a notion is not the foundation of this site.
you misunderstand. I am not saying the site was built on "everyones poly is different" I was saying the site was built on poly, which inarguably is a weak foundation.

As an example for clarity, look at biking. I am an admin on a long running bike forum. There is not a lot of wishy washy "is this biking, is that biking, whats biking" going on. The foundation is clear leaving the structure to grow as it will for hobbies.

Poly does not have that same foundation. Hell some of us can't even agree on what love is....let alone what poly is to everyone.

Quote:
That is a function of the members posting what they want to talk about--something site staff can't do much about.
I know that, I wasn't accusing staff in the least ...forums are made and broken on the backs of the members...the staff can break things too, but this is the most unmoderated forum I have ever been on...the members are making this forum what it is.

Ari
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