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  #21  
Old 08-12-2010, 03:35 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I read these complaints when I first got here. And a lot of the dissension made this site almost unbearable at times (thanks LR for convincing me to stick around). My pov differs from most people on this site, my "type" differs greatly. I found the atmosphere abrasive and almost violent. No topic could be debated without someone getting really pissy or trying to twist words into their own use, I always felt like I was watching politicians debate, instead of taking the intended meaning of the posts people would rip them apart and make the context change. That has since stopped since some members have left (usually in a huff). I am still on a forum that does this, okc for the record, people there love to rip apart what is said and blow it up their ass and hand out an apple pie made from blueberries. Fun to watch but not inviting to say the least. I don't run into those challenges here anymore.

What that says, who knows. I have been sysoping and admining sites since I was a kid (over 20 years). This site is run pretty well with lots of differing views with a foundation of a very soft set of terms (everyones poly is different, well thats kind of a weak foundation to build a site on in my very long experience at doign this). You can't be positive to everyone because not everyones version of positive works.

Take this next point as you want ceoli - I have been on 3 other poly forums. I only visit this one (I exclude fetlife as a poly forum because we all have a foundation of fetish to build our stories on, making it a very different feel to here). Your version of mature, respectful and welcoming may not be everyones version. I dislike the feel and emotions of the other sites so stopped visiting. I am not sure what sites you are talking about specifically, but I am just throwing out some anecdotal evidence that rulesets are far from universal or accepting. Someones extreme positivity and acceptance may well be someone elses turn off.

ces la vie, I don't run the site and don't have any real say. I enjoy the contrary positions this site offers without being preachy (thats important to me), that makes someone like me feel welcome. I have never had a problem putting up an opposite opinion to some of the stronger members here. I can remember a time I posted something contrary to a member and she lost it, taking what I said, and handing me back blueberries. Thats not debate, so I walked away from that talk and put her on ignore.

I think the only thing I don't like about this site, and this is not limited to here, is the lack of story line when things are tough (this applied for regulars I should say). I find sometimes people tend to only post when things when they are going well. This creates a false sense of "how it can be" when everyone is dealing with their demons. In any relationship. If we are honest, and in a way representing poly, we should be honest about both sides of the coin. Tabling only one side creates a skewed view. This creates a lot of pressure on the newbs to have that perfect poly relationship, when we all know its continuous hard work. I felt that pressure when I started here but began to ignore it as I just couldn't believe poly could be that clear and concise for people.

This is changing a bit, as more people are blogging, and more members are joining. But it was a concern of mine shortly after I joined.

Anyways, take this as you want it or don't want it.

Ari
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  #22  
Old 08-12-2010, 03:36 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
What is this CF you referenced, YGirl?
"CF" stands for "child-free". There is a thread about it on here somewhere, "CF and poly", which didn't go the way I believe the OP intended for it to go, but is an interesting read nonetheless.
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  #23  
Old 08-12-2010, 03:42 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Oh, thanks. I go to several msg boards where the term stands for Christian Forum. Thanks for clearing up my confusion.
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me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
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my bf: Ginger, 61, married to:
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  #24  
Old 08-12-2010, 03:45 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post

I don't put much stock in Google ratings. I tend to think for myself. If something is high up on the Google search results, I always look further. It's a bit insulting to people searching on the internet to assume that they are "put off" from poly just because they don't like the first forum that shows up in Google. It's a bit like saying that they would be "put off" of Asian food because they didn't like the food served by the first restaurant that showed up when they googled "hot and sour soup".
Could be. But if a resource is going to be a resource, it would be nice for that resource to be inclusive rather than exclusive.
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  #25  
Old 08-12-2010, 03:50 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Ceoli, I joined more recently than you, and didnt see the dramas you refer to, where people felt too judged and left in a huff. (Except for last week, HMA and Violet and his seeming dismissal of her hurt at him putting the needs of a girl he's known a few weeks ahead of the feelings of Violet, his fiance.)

But this is a young board, and the culture here is still evolving. I suggest you look at what is going on presently, and not hold early interactions so close to your heart.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
my bf: Ginger, 61, married to:
Robin, 60 (mono)
and dating (NRE): Carla and David, married couple, early 40s
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  #26  
Old 08-12-2010, 03:58 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Ceoli, I joined more recently than you, and didnt see the dramas you refer to, where people felt too judged and left in a huff. (Except for last week, HMA and Violet and his seeming dismissal of her hurt at him putting the needs of a girl he's known a few weeks ahead of the feelings of Violet, his fiance.)

But this is a young board, and the culture here is still evolving. I suggest you look at what is going on presently, and not hold early interactions so close to your heart.
Perhaps. What I've seen so far isn't encouraging for me. Either way, I shall end the hijack here. Break over.
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  #27  
Old 08-12-2010, 04:01 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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I suffer from moderate to severe social anxiety, which is made worse in anonymous situations (such as an online forum) or other situations where I don't feel like I can get the full picture communicating with someone (phone, email).

For the record, while I have found the strong opinions of some members intimidating, I have not been offended or scared away by any responses to my posts. I've come to an online, faceless community for advice. I accept that I will either hear things I want to hear, things I might not want to hear but are still constructive, or morons not being helpful yet. (The last has not occured for me.)

Yes, I agree that the established, loving, stable relationships are also intimidating, but if one digs a little bit, I have found that you can see other sides of the same story. Also, I can't really hold it against people for the hard work that got them to where I'd one day like to be!

So, here's a newb (both to the forum and actually practicing poly) saying that this place is not all that bad.
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  #28  
Old 08-12-2010, 04:46 PM
Ilove2men Ilove2men is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I read these complaints when I first got here. And a lot of the dissension made this site almost unbearable at times (thanks LR for convincing me to stick around). My pov differs from most people on this site, my "type" differs greatly. I found the atmosphere abrasive and almost violent. No topic could be debated without someone getting really pissy or trying to twist words into their own use, I always felt like I was watching politicians debate, instead of taking the intended meaning of the posts people would rip them apart and make the context change. That has since stopped since some members have left (usually in a huff). I am still on a forum that does this, okc for the record, people there love to rip apart what is said and blow it up their ass and hand out an apple pie made from blueberries. Fun to watch but not inviting to say the least. I don't run into those challenges here anymore.

Ari
I agree Ari. There have been a few that use other's words as weapons against them. Twisting them into daggers and then when it's pointed out to them they would claim it's for the sake of debate. Not their fault the others vocab isn't up to par, ect ect ect. It was sad and disheartening because for the most part I was a lurker. I had no experience so I didn't post. I'm terrible at follow through with my stories so I gathered what I could from others. Alot of very valuable discussions were lost due to this happening and I was always disappointed when a thread turned into such a petty, ego feeding, "I'm smarter/more evolved/more open minded ect ect than you." I'm glad that that part of this forum has died for the most part and I hope that it does not return!
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  #29  
Old 08-12-2010, 05:21 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I have many poly friends in many places. Not one of them is interested in participating in this forum. They come here to read up on me mostly. As I don't talk much about my personal stuff elsewhere. they roll their eyes and think I am crazy for being on here. They don't get why I care so much about the people supported on here and find it sad to read here. I respect that they think differently and get teased about it... Mono too. Actaully some are out and out frustrated with us, but it's our call what we do with ourselves and they inevitably respect that we like it here. They must cause we still hang out even though there are major differences in how we do poly.

I like that there is now a place to stick our grumpy crappy stuff in the form of a blog. I was really glad to start that this week as I felt one sided. I like to give support and saying good stuff does that, however just saying that its all hard work with out evidence of that hard work means nothing.

I'm not sure why people stay here if they don't like it. I have looked at other forums and come back to this one more often than not. I don't have a desire to change other forums though. I just go where I feel comfortable and engaged and challenged in the way that fits for me. others do this too. Yes that is a privilege to be able to have that in my life, but then aren't we all privileged to even have a computer and internet access to be able to find support, challenge etc at all? Some of my poly friends don't and rely on me and others to support them.

I'm not sure what is to be gained by saying we are privileged.... it's a public forum, if it were private, that would be more a privelge to point out I would think....

In any case, I like ygirl's presence here. I will continue to support her and protect her as long as I want to. We all do that with people in our lives. We all support those that we want to. I don't make any apologise for that and won't be changing that any time soon. If ygirl asks to to leave her alone and not support her, then I will do that out respect for her. It's between her and I really.
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  #30  
Old 08-12-2010, 05:34 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I was unaware until this thread that you were defending me in PM to other people. While it doesn't disturb me that this goes on, I think folks should know that I don't ask for this "protection" and I do not even WANT to know whether these conversations are initiated by you (redpepper) or the other parties.
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