Discussion on Forum Sociology and Interpersonal Dynamics

[MrFarFromRight]

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit

Word of advice here.
Debate often encompasses criticism. But you have to understand that it's ideas, concepts, opinions etc that are being criticized. NOT the speaker ! Common mistake that leads to a lot of wasted dialog. [...]
GS

I have no objection to people holding different views and expressing them enegetically. In fact, that's something that I really appreciate. It's the attitude that sometimes comes across (e.g. know-it-all, "I'm more experienced than you, so just you listen!", condescending, or aggressive) that rankles. As I wrote:

In a way, I prefer to have them aimed at me, because – although I take criticism seriously (An acquaintance once said to me: “I give you 10 out of 10 for really listening to criticism and considering its validity, without rejecting it offhand.”) – I have learned to have a certain faith in myself, a self-security that means that I am not devastated by criticism. [...] Whereas some other members – especially some who were new to this forum - have obviously been stung by carelessly-worded comments directed at them. Some [of these members] have disappeared completely. And I find that a shame, because they were likely the very people who most needed a feeling of support through their difficult process of adapting to polyamory.

If, as you write,

As someone who has been with this forum for......seemingly ages, I've had an opportunity to see much of what you're speaking of, see it discussed, addressed etc. I can only say this. The 'overall' tone and atmosphere of the forum has improved quite dramatically since it's early days.

I guess that I should feel lucky that I didn't join until it had "improved quite dramatically"!

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight

As I wrote:If, as you write,I guess that I should feel lucky that I didn't join until it had "improved quite dramatically"!

When I joined the atmosphere was downright violent.

It's now significantly better.

My only comment would be a... well snipey feeling one "welcome to the internet!!!"

As a mod/admin/owner of many sites/bbses over.. well lets just say since before HTTP was a protocol... thats the nature of the online beast.

[LovingRadiance]

Originally Posted by Ariakas

When I joined the atmosphere was downright violent.

Yeah, yeah it really was. Kind of scary there for a few months actually.
So many of us "old times" were nearly outta here.

[AutumnalTone]

Originally Posted by Ariakas

When I joined the atmosphere was downright violent.

When I joined, the atmosphere was congenial. The toxic folk showed up later. Most of them are gone, now, so the atmosphere has fewer toxins in it.

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit

Word of advice here.
Debate often encompasses criticism. But you have to understand that it's ideas, concepts, opinions etc that are being criticized. NOT the speaker ! Common mistake that leads to a lot of wasted dialog.

I have to agree. Arguing someones point is not personal. I do it, and have it done all the time.

Its like saying

"I don't like the way you did (a)"

and it being interpreted as

"I don't like you"

Which ironically happens a lot. But its just wrong. I can dislike an opinion/task/judgement and it will have 0 bearing on my thoughts on the person.

[Mohegan]

Originally Posted by Ariakas

I have to agree. Arguing someones point is not personal. I do it, and have it done all the time.

Its like saying

"I don't like the way you did (a)"

and it being interpreted as

"I don't like you"

Which ironically happens a lot. But its just wrong. I can dislike an opinion/task/judgement and it will have 0 bearing on my thoughts on the person.

Thank you!! I have argued this point several times with several people. And no one seems to get it. So glad I am not alone!