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  #91  
Old 08-20-2010, 12:15 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
If the person in question had been, say, a school teacher or a nurse or something, I doubt drugs would have been a possibility brought up for the issues that were being talked about in that thread.

If the person in question had been, say, a pharmacist or a doctor or something, then I might also have suspected a drug problem. Is that perpetuating a negative stereotype about medical professionals?

I do not appreciate that my remarks have been taken out of context. Your responses and JKelly's also fail to address the fact that I have worked in this business and seen with my very own eyes these "negative stereotypes" play themselves out. I have acknowledged that not all people employed in this sector fit this stereotype. Indeed, we all fit stereotypes at various times in our lives, and one stereotype here and another there do not define who we are as individuals. I was referring to a very specific situation of three strippers living in the same house and having no money. Where is all the money going? I suggested one possibility. This was all because various people were suggesting that one of the roommates move out as being the solution to the OP's problem. I was not making a speech out of nowhere about my feelings regarding strippers in general.

If you guys can't GET that, and if you insist on being deliberately obtuse and on spinning my comment to suit your own agenda(s), then I sincerely do not want to converse with either one of you anymore. It seems that you want me to be "sorry" for what I said. Well, I'm sorry you don't like what I said.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 08-20-2010 at 12:37 PM.
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  #92  
Old 08-20-2010, 09:39 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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All, I have been very quiet as of late due to my busy schedule this summer. I do get on the site everyday and do mod stuff if needed. I have time to read 2-3 new threads/ posts, I look for sneaky spam to zap while skimming through the rest of it.

The mods discuss stuff off-forum, every message that is sent to a mod, every reported thread, every little thing that is brought to our attention is discussed and seconded at least unless it is egregious and in those cases we act pending discussion. If there is a question, we address it. This along with conference calls occasionally across many timezones is the job of moderators. Many of the mods do much more than I when it comes to responding to forum issues, user issues, questions of development and what would be the best decision to make in any given situation with the information we have, including forum rules and feedback from members.

That's as far as our job as culture-setters goes. I agree with those that have said that the membership leads the culture and one of the reasons that we penalize the little we do; to facilitate what I experience as a place where the burden is on the individual to explore something with a measure of decency and honesty. Posters with veiled intentions are easy to spot, and on this I would like to say that I have also felt the shift to a more mature forum recently as well. People who engage a lot develop better communication, and greater debating skills. In my opinion, those who feel intimidated should walk straight toward that fear because it's a sign that your brain is aroused to something you want to understand.

This thread is evidence of the fact that no one here walks away from a hard question.

There are so many points to respond to that I don't know where to begin weighing in. This forum is part of my life, I make time for it, I benefit as much as I give just like everything else in my life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
I find communities that actively reject marginalized people to be rather dysfunctional. Since this is a site that falls highly in google searches, it strikes me that there are ways it can be a bit more responsible about examining how welcoming it really is.

As of now, this is a great site for mono couples opening their relationship, strongly couple-centric ways of practicing poly and the general poly-fi model. There are all sorts of ways that these models take up the most space and generally don't leave much space for others. This happens in all sorts of subtle ways that people can either examine or not. If people see that as a fiction I'm weaving or as being over-senstitive, that's fine. If this site is happy with where it is, then great. But it would not be true to say that this site is the place to go for everyone who is struggling. There are many struggling people who would not feel welcome here. There are definitely other sites where alternative voices have more weight. This isn't one of them. It would just be nice if those sites googled as high as this one, then people who are new to poly that approach it in other ways wouldn't be put off.
Ceoli, your google talk set off my spam spidey sense. I have read and read and read your words, and still I haven't grasped what you mean when you say "actively reject marginalized people" You can start a thread and talk about anything you want to. I find it ridiculous to read about subtleties from you when you are constantly throwing shit at the forum. You are free to respond to or create discussion about anything.
-R

PS- please don't "translate" what I've written.
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  #93  
Old 08-21-2010, 01:30 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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RC, what is this "spam spidey sense" that you speak of?
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  #94  
Old 08-21-2010, 06:56 AM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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Just a little heavy on the brand names. I am jaded, I admit, but it bothers me to talk about the structure of our forum in relation to search engines. A reality for sure, but creepy when making a case for a community.

All mods including myself do not benefit from search engine rankings. We are VOLUNTEERS.
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  #95  
Old 08-21-2010, 02:18 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rarechild View Post

All mods including myself do not benefit from search engine rankings. We are VOLUNTEERS.

I don't think that's what Ceoli meant. I think she meant that this forum has assumed some sort of higher social responsibility due to the fact that it has the ".com" suffix and is one of the top search results when someone googles "polyamory". I don't think she meant that the moderation staff personally benefits from the google-search rankings.

The former seems to suggest that people will become turned-off to the "polyamory lifestyle" or get the "wrong" idea about it from this forum, thereby causing false assumptions and stereotypes to be projected on to all the other polyamorous people who don't agree with things that have been posted on here.

For example, someone might read this thread and think that I hate strippers and that I think they are all liars and drug addicts, and that that will imply that all polyamorous people everywhere are "anti-stripper", and that this forum is non-inclusive and unwelcoming toward all people who work as strippers, and that we are marginalizing adult-entertainment workers, and that there are "people who leave" because the moderators here have that kind of attitude.

(which, if anyone reads my posts, could not be further from the reality of the situation)

Last edited by NeonKaos; 08-21-2010 at 02:27 PM.
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  #96  
Old 08-21-2010, 08:31 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
I don't think that's what Ceoli meant. I think she meant that this forum has assumed some sort of higher social responsibility due to the fact that it has the ".com" suffix and is one of the top search results when someone googles "polyamory". I don't think she meant that the moderation staff personally benefits from the google-search rankings.

The former seems to suggest that people will become turned-off to the "polyamory lifestyle" or get the "wrong" idea about it from this forum, thereby causing false assumptions and stereotypes to be projected on to all the other polyamorous people who don't agree with things that have been posted on here.

For example, someone might read this thread and think that I hate strippers and that I think they are all liars and drug addicts, and that that will imply that all polyamorous people everywhere are "anti-stripper", and that this forum is non-inclusive and unwelcoming toward all people who work as strippers, and that we are marginalizing adult-entertainment workers, and that there are "people who leave" because the moderators here have that kind of attitude.

(which, if anyone reads my posts, could not be further from the reality of the situation)
I know that implication wasn't really there, just the whole thing struck me the wrong way and I meant to emphasize the limitations of moderation and the reality (my view of reality) that a complaint about free exchange and discrimination not backed by action is tinny at best. We are not running a corporation.

Sorry, but this kind of discussion turns me right off so I'll bow out. I'm more interested in meaningful exchange than political-type parrying personally, and that's what I'm looking for in my own experience here.
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  #97  
Old 08-22-2010, 03:35 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rarechild View Post
I know that implication wasn't really there, just the whole thing struck me the wrong way and I meant to emphasize the limitations of moderation and the reality (my view of reality) that a complaint about free exchange and discrimination not backed by action is tinny at best. We are not running a corporation.

Sorry, but this kind of discussion turns me right off so I'll bow out. I'm more interested in meaningful exchange than political-type parrying personally, and that's what I'm looking for in my own experience here.
Dude I dig where you are at, you know who I am and where you can find me yo.
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  #98  
Old 09-04-2010, 09:54 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
If you guys can't GET that, and if you insist on being deliberately obtuse and on spinning my comment to suit your own agenda(s), then I sincerely do not want to converse with either one of you anymore. It seems that you want me to be "sorry" for what I said. Well, I'm sorry you don't like what I said.
I wasn't spinning anything to suit any agenda and it wasn't about you. It was about how remarks can be seen. Ah well.
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  #99  
Old 09-06-2010, 04:42 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
I wasn't spinning anything to suit any agenda and it wasn't about you. It was about how remarks can be seen. Ah well.
If it really isn't "about me", then it's other people's problem(s) if "remarks can be seen" in ways other than they were actually meant. I explained that remark, and folks still insisted that it was meant as "You're a stripper, therefore you must have a drug problem". Ah well.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 09-06-2010 at 04:45 PM.
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  #100  
Old 09-06-2010, 11:06 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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People can, and will, hallucinate all sorts of wild meanings into what others say. It's only a problem when they refuse to own the hallucinations they created.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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