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  #391  
Old 06-14-2011, 11:22 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Thanks for the long chat Ari. Hugs to your sweet and lovely Pengrah... It was so good to catch up and really talk in depth about stuff that neither of us have the time to talk about on here. Wouldn't it be great to have a group of us from here sit around and really get at some stuff! It did me no end of good! Thanks
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  #392  
Old 06-14-2011, 11:30 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Thanks for the long chat Ari. Hugs to your sweet and lovely Pengrah... It was so good to catch up and really talk in depth about stuff that neither of us have the time to talk about on here. Wouldn't it be great to have a group of us from here sit around and really get at some stuff! It did me no end of good! Thanks
You mean like the weekend of the 8th ..

That would be lovely, I really enjoy sitting around and talking, it really is interesting getting all sorts of different perspectives... fire side conversation is always a blast.

I just bought some camping equipment at the urging of pengrah.. she is damn excited. She is such a cutey..

*hugs* back from both of us, to both of you.. And thanks derby, I know you are right.. .. knowing is half the battle right? jhahaha
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  #393  
Old 06-16-2011, 04:17 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I am in an oddly calm place. Serene maybe. While I still miss what I had and what could have been.. I feel at peace in many ways. Then again, being smoking busy at work might just be doing it for me.

I have been so busy with work I haven't had much time to "practice" poly. I am not even sure I am cut out for it sometimes. I realize when things happen around me I pull in and protect a bit. I always (and this is for work, life, love) second guess myself and the things I do and have done. Maybe this is how I have always learned and progressed. I am not sure. I am always looking at every aspect like a project manager. A post mortem to figure out where I went wrong and what can be improved. What can I say, I am a geek..

And here is a sports reference for you. Some people do and some people coach. Maybe I am better at talking about it than actually being poly. You see, poly is more than loving more than 1. You still have to figure out relationships, how they work, rules, boundaries.. and than outside of those logical constraints you still have those pesky emotions.

I laugh when I talk to people about poly, and they see poly as being the easy way. Its a simple process to be available. But monogamy is infinitely easier. Having your cake always comes with a side dish of something you may not want. It isn't a utopia.. it takes work, and usually lots of hard work to get to a good place. The more people, the more work etc.. etc..

The biggest .. "thing" I love in non-monogamy is the freedom to meet and encounter new people without restrictions. Its truly the best part of being non-monogamous, and I have met and will continue to meet some great people because of this freedom. The feeling of being caged in, in regards to interacting with new people, would really make me feel locked down.

Pengrah has been amazing in all of my processing. She really is my rock... one of my soul mates. A woman who has learned a lot in this process. We started out as co-dependents (even in our freedom we were still dependent).. she now kicks my ass (in a totally endearing way) and holds me to a higher standard.. (she learned a lot from my ex haha)..

New job, new city, old and new friends.. this kind of a .. reboot has happened a couple o times in my life. 20 years ago making a choice between two girls and picking the women who could help me escape the wrong side of the tracks and 7 years later meeting the newfie girl who would break me out of my monogamous rut and introduce me to a world I would live for the next 14. There are a lot of catalysts this time, lots of reasons to reboot.. but its been long overdo. Now its just time to see what lil ariakas's will look like. (not yet, this is just a big step in the right direction)

Its odd feeling serene and content in a life as hectic as mine. I feel like one of those weird time shot scenes where everyone around me is running around like chickens in their daily life and I have hit some moment where I am standing there and just taking it all in..

Poly for me is a part of me. I know I can love more than one. I am more at peace with that than I have been in the 2 years since discovering it. What comes from being able to love more than one.. no idea..

Ari..

Last edited by Ariakas; 06-16-2011 at 05:50 PM.
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  #394  
Old 06-16-2011, 04:44 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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This whole post made me smile. Thank you, I needed that this morning.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
The biggest .. "thing" I love in non-monogamy is the freedom to meet and encounter new people without restrictions. Its truly the best part of being non-monogamous, and I have met and will continue to meet some great people because of this freedom. The feeling of being caged in, in regards to interacting with new people, would really make me feel locked down.
This really hit home. Since coming to this site and learning about poly, I have gained a new sense of freedom to just be who I am and to let my husband be who he is. While we may never fully make the leap into non-monogamy, I no long feel threatened by his ability to meet and form close emotional attachments to women and I no longer feel the need to keep myself at arms lengths from people. I think this freedom can be a key factor in becoming a better person overall.

Quote:
Its odd feeling serene and content in a life as hectic as mine. I feel like one of those weird time shot scenes where everyone around me is running around like chickens in their daily life and I have hit some moment where I am standing there and just taking it all in..
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  #395  
Old 06-27-2011, 03:05 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I am .. off.. So much going on in my head.. I am settled.. but.. meh...

I need a vacation, THAT I know.. I have a great trip planned to the island next week. It finishes off a trip to Cowitchan bay for work. Its going to be a fun week. But I need, a long vacation.

oh and I need someone smarter than me to book flights, I kind screwed the pooch this time around. To many odd take offs and landings and not enough sleep.. my frugalness got the best of me hahaha..

Hoping tomorrow I can recover from my trip and get in a good ride.. I need some time in the woods, I have been missing my seclusion haha.. a little scaring of thyself is always good for the soul...

Ari
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  #396  
Old 06-27-2011, 03:09 AM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Remind me and I'll put you in touch with my travel agent friend. She's helped me a ton in the past with booking flights. Speaking of travel plans when do you arrive and leave our neck of the woods?
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  #397  
Old 06-27-2011, 02:51 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Remind me and I'll put you in touch with my travel agent friend. She's helped me a ton in the past with booking flights. Speaking of travel plans when do you arrive and leave our neck of the woods?
I will have to get back to you with specifics. I am trying to arrange it into a mini work trip so my travel can be covered. hahah..

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  #398  
Old 06-30-2011, 10:16 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Quote:
I have been so busy with work I haven't had much time to "practice" poly. I am not even sure I am cut out for it sometimes. I realize when things happen around me I pull in and protect a bit. I always (and this is for work, life, love) second guess myself and the things I do and have done. Maybe this is how I have always learned and progressed. I am not sure. I am always looking at every aspect like a project manager. A post mortem to figure out where I went wrong and what can be improved. What can I say, I am a geek..

And here is a sports reference for you. Some people do and some people coach. Maybe I am better at talking about it than actually being poly. You see, poly is more than loving more than 1. You still have to figure out relationships, how they work, rules, boundaries.. and than outside of those logical constraints you still have those pesky emotions.
I hear ya. Especially the hilighted stuff. Often question my POLYness when things are rough, or I need to IMO over-compromise. I get it. I think maybe we are confusing wanting independence and freedom to what degree of poly we are or can handle. Then again maybe I am just a serial monogamist with bouts of sentimentality. Who the hell knows?! Plodding along none the less and enjoying what gifts I have before me.
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  #399  
Old 06-30-2011, 10:21 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
I hear ya. Especially the hilighted stuff. Often question my POLYness when things are rough, or I need to IMO over-compromise. I get it. I think maybe we are confusing wanting independence and freedom to what degree of poly we are or can handle. Then again maybe I am just a serial monogamist with bouts of sentimentality. Who the hell knows?! Plodding along none the less and enjoying what gifts I have before me.
I still question myself. What I want.. everything. Not sure where I will end up.

Pengrah has been rocking lately. Making friends and getting close to people. I crack a smile with how easily she becomes friends with people. Almost jealous of how easy it is for her..

I am struggling with new people. Can't find a groove or.. even interest. haha.. lil bumbling fool action going on.
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  #400  
Old 06-30-2011, 10:26 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Pen is an awesome activities director, let her take over for a bit. Just enjoy her energy. Am I coaching here? Maybe. LOL!
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