Ari's Blog - Beginning

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

I'll entertain the monos LOL!! I'll play the "ball watcher" game all night while you guys poly your brains out....not that kind of "poly your brains out" either

No, you are here too, it's like work functions, one has to get the work stuff out before moving on.... it'll be fine. NP said he would make himself scarce with our mono friends if it gets out of hand.

k, getting off of ari's thread now.

[marksbabygirl]

Originally Posted by Ariakas

Some key lessons in my life have occurred because of this, here is the synopsis

1 – communication is beyond important. Even if you have to repeat yourself
2 – Love is not always reciprocal
3 – Live without expectation – hopes and dreams are something different
4 – don’t hide
5 – jealousy does not stem your environment, it stems from your comfort with that environment, at least in my case. I didn’t know I could be jealous until I was insecure about my environment with E

Thanks for this. Very helpful for me right now.

It was very interesting to read your journey so far.

[SourGirl]

We sure have enjoyed 'this' thus far.

Think my favourite post is #6. She rocks.

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by Superjast

We sure have enjoyed 'this' thus far.

Think my favourite post is #6. She rocks.

Thanks, she does rock, I can't wait for her to meet you (not to mention me)

Thanks guys for feedback, glad I posted this ...I am working on something on how I handle expectations vs hopes/dreams. And how I need to be aware of how they work in my life. Its a control issue for me that takes some serious effort

[SourGirl]

Originally Posted by Ariakas

Thanks, she does rock, I can't wait for her to meet you (not to mention me)

I`ve got big X`s crossing out the days on the calender,..not much longer now !

[FormerUnicorn]

You two are adorable.

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by Superjast

I`ve got big X`s crossing out the days on the calender,..not much longer now !

Poly lesson #1 I learned was google calendars...

ummmm does that mean since I am not using them, this won't work .....

Originally Posted by fu

You two are adorable.

well thats a first...adorable is not a describer used to describe me very often

__________________

So my thoughts on expectations are always evolving. I am very logical in how I work through life. So when I start to see something positive and evolving I instinctually start thinking ahead.

The real danger, for me, is that I can create scenario's that transfer from a hope or a dream to an expectation. This can become emotionally damaging because if it doesn't happen exactly how I predicted I begin to second guess my abilities....now, this in and of itself is not dangerous, however this makes me question the foundation of what I am building.

Imagine playing jenga, and building a foundation that is strong and continuing to add to it. I am playing 4 or 5 moves ahead based on my expectation of what my opponent will do. In a game this is expected but in life it become dangerous. If my opponent makes move I don't expect, then I HAVE to second guess what I did before, analyze and figure out where I went wrong.

There may not be a wrong in relationships. So by immediately being wrong, the relationship and foundation in my head has been weakened.

In jenga, you get to play again.

To use a real world example that has long expired. I began to develop real and very strong expectations of what would happen with E. I saw her living with us, having a family. Her supporting us as we would her. Everything looked perfect. The problem is, I had moved to far ahead of the reality of the situation. Pengrah and I were fine with it, but E wasn't.

So now, I have internal battles with my expectations. I still have hopes and dreams moving forward with the things going on in my life now. But I battle daily to remember, not to expect them. Its tough when you can see something clearly...but you have to try and remember potential roadblocks

Ari

[bimblynim]

Wow, amazing jouney, thanks for sharing.

[Jade]

Originally Posted by Ariakas

Back to Pengrah, my wallowing almost destroyed her. She was owning all of my feelings on her sleeve. Taking my anger, resentment and jealousy to herself... Yes I needed support, but I didn’t need someone to come down to my level. I didn’t need her feeding my emotional upheaval...

II

Wow. Does this resonate... Hubby was my sounding board and my voice of reason during extreme lows, and while it served to help keep me in the quad, it put a huge stress on the primary relationship. I wish I had just had better self-control in the beginning.

[Ariakas]

Getting excited for the camping trip this weekend. My initial reasons for going to this trip were a mixture of interest and friendship. I was at a stage when I first thought of going, where I was walking away from poly thinking I had found the most unique situation I could find and would never find anything better, or even anything beyond what I had.

Things couldn't be further from the truth, I remained open to...possibility. As a kinky guy...as a sexual person and a loving person I left myself open to the possibility of anything. My mind has been blown and my idea of what I wanted is out the window.

So now I walk into this camping trip with Pengrah crushing on another man and myself finding myself enthralled and...so much more, with Superjast. i come into this more poly than I thought I could be, if poly can be measured and at the same time more curious than ever. I want to know people who accept what is happening in my life with .. well acceptance.

I have people accepting it as a a "well its your life, you are happy, I don't do it myself but enjoy" to people jealous because I get to bang two chicks (sarc here...its usually just the first thought) to people playing ignorant and just plain ignoring me about it.

Its going to be good to sit around with people I can openly talk with and just be me in regards to poly. ...I welcome that...