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  #61  
Old 11-29-2010, 04:05 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Default An interesting reversal

So, we're married! It was phenomenal, to say the least. A ceremony with much mention of being faithful, loving, respectful, caring and all sorts of other things you can and should be in any relationship. But no mention of one and only forever and ever.

Mr. A attended and had a good time, for the most part. There was a little awkwardness in explaining himself to friends and family who aren't in the know. But I made sure he sat with a good friend of mine and his GF who are in an open-in-the-right-circumstances relationship. They were extremely supportive and I am forever grateful.

A piece of advice to anyone who might find themselves in similar circumstances; have a back story for your relationship to the couple. Everyone at the wedding was explaining how they were related to us, but Mr. A could only say, "I'm a friend." Something we didn't think of.

The marriage caused a shift in my relationship with Indigo, or at least my awareness. It was a confirmation of the deep-running feelings and connection we share. This caused a bit of a surprise for me with Mr. A.

Over the past five months with Mr. A, our relationship has been changing steadily, naturally, while things with Indigo have been more static. At first, each time a change with Mr. A occured, or a new feeling developed, I would compare it to my relationship with Indigo. This was distressing, because I noticed some things with Mr. A that I didn't feel with Indigo. However, I knew I still loved Indigo, no matter what I felt for Mr. A, and eventually I relaxed and let both relationships be what they were and simply observed. With this change in my attitude came the realization that I didn't feel certain things for Indigo because I had already felt them. They were parts of a new relationship, not an established one.

Well, last night, I went over to see Mr. A and had a bit of panic when the reverse occured. I did not feel the same solid, soul-deep, connection I have now experienced with Indigo. Luckily, I was able to recognize that this was because these are two relationships in very different places and as unique as the people involved. And neither of these connections diminishes the other in any way. They both are what they are and should be enjoyed as such.

So for anyone out there reading, don't panic if you should experience the same. These loves of mine are very different in my heart. My mono-trained, logical brain wanted to rank them, but my heart has prevailed and simply loves.
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  #62  
Old 11-29-2010, 04:07 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Default Vows

My vows (borrowed and slightly modified from St. Augustine), for anyone interested:

"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness; it is not excitement; it's not promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love, itself, is what is left over, when being in love has burned away." Indigo, I love you. And today is the day I tell you that it is inconceivable to me that we should ever part.
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  #63  
Old 11-30-2010, 01:57 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Default

Congrats! Beautiful vows too.

I'm glad it was brilliant! I'm also glad Mr. A was able to find some comfort at the wedding being able to hang with some people who weren't given him the 'eyebrow'.

Luckily, whenver I unite with someone, I'm so open with my life that my partners can introduce themselves as such without worrying about the reactions and/or knowledge (or lack thereof) of others. I wonder what ponderings have been on Mr. A's mind since the wedding regarding his 'title' as introduced at the wedding? Has he shared?
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  #64  
Old 11-30-2010, 03:21 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eklctc View Post
Congrats! Beautiful vows too.

I'm glad it was brilliant! I'm also glad Mr. A was able to find some comfort at the wedding being able to hang with some people who weren't given him the 'eyebrow'.

Luckily, whenver I unite with someone, I'm so open with my life that my partners can introduce themselves as such without worrying about the reactions and/or knowledge (or lack thereof) of others. I wonder what ponderings have been on Mr. A's mind since the wedding regarding his 'title' as introduced at the wedding? Has he shared?
I'm open with my life, but Indigo's family was there and it's his choice when/how to come out.

We spoke about everything the next day. Mr. A was a disappointed not to be able to meet my dad, but felt it wasn't the time and place to introduce himself and cause a potentially awkward scene. He said the experience overall was only about 10% as awkward as he'd thought it would be.

We all did the best we could, given the circumstances. I think there's a bit of regret on all sides that we don't live in a perfect, accepting world, but what can be done? We're getting there as well as we can.
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  #65  
Old 11-30-2010, 04:21 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Completely understandable about Indigo. I'm glad the experience was better than what Mr. A prepared himself for. *sigh* The world can definitely put a crack in our snowglobe at times. Many many warm wishes coming your way~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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  #66  
Old 12-21-2010, 04:34 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Default Talk about it.

I have been posting less frequently on the forum.

Everything is going really well on our end, so I don't really have issues to ask advice on. And it seems to be poor taste to start a thread about how awesome my life is and hey look at me over here! *waves arms*

I'm still reading. The problem is, I am stuck in an advice rut. Either people's problems seem so overwhelmingly huge that I wouldn't know where to start, or the answer to me is, "Why don't you just ask him/her/them?"

Really, it works.

When I have a problem, I talk to DH and/or BF about it. I try very hard to express my problem in terms of what I need. For example, I had a very important concert that I was part of on a weekend that BF had to be away on training. We were both disappointed he couldn't make it, but I accepted this without incident. However, he didn't text or message me at all the day of the concert, and only texted something about his day while I was in the concert. After, I told him I was very hurt that he hadn't wished me luck and seemed to have forgotten about it. It turned out he had. And he was really sorry, because he knew how hurt I was. We discussed this productively and I tried to take everything he said as the truth, something I struggle with at times.

Because we were texting, and he was under a lot of pressure during this training, I accepted his apology and made sure to tell him I considered the issue addressed and resolved, and not to worry about me harbouring ill-will about the incident. He told me he appreciated this immensely.

I feel so lucky to have two people I can communicate 100% honestly with, and receive the same in return. No guesswork. No games.
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  #67  
Old 12-21-2010, 05:21 PM
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FlameKat FlameKat is offline
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Hey there TP Please do keep posting - your story is important to many of us out here... knowing that it is possible and that someone out there is doing it, living it breathing it...

It's good to know there are more than just Redpepper and Mono's grouping that are succeeding... your minutiae may seem meaningless to you - but to the rest of us, we value it.

And please do comment as well, your opinions are valued as exactly that, your opinion - another point of view that maybe hasn't been explored or looked at from .. quite that angle yet...

I know I would be interested in your input on my thread... not that I think there's much anyone can say right now... I certainly would value any input :P
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  #68  
Old 12-21-2010, 05:28 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlameKat View Post
Hey there TP Please do keep posting - your story is important to many of us out here... knowing that it is possible and that someone out there is doing it, living it breathing it...

It's good to know there are more than just Redpepper and Mono's grouping that are succeeding... your minutiae may seem meaningless to you - but to the rest of us, we value it.

And please do comment as well, your opinions are valued as exactly that, your opinion - another point of view that maybe hasn't been explored or looked at from .. quite that angle yet...

I know I would be interested in your input on my thread... not that I think there's much anyone can say right now... I certainly would value any input :P
Let me go take a look!
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  #69  
Old 12-21-2010, 06:22 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Your story is inspiring Trucker Pete. I think you are the first couple on here that I know of who have gone into a marriage. Your hubby's perspective as a mostly mono guy who is probably the most together person I have heard about on here is truly something for people to draw strength from. Yours is a story of success and unique perspective.

Keep on sharing
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  #70  
Old 12-21-2010, 06:41 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Your story is inspiring Trucker Pete. I think you are the first couple on here that I know of who have gone into a marriage. Your hubby's perspective as a mostly mono guy who is probably the most together person I have heard about on here is truly something for people to draw strength from. Yours is a story of success and unique perspective.

Keep on sharing
My hubby ... still strange to hear that!

Yes, even when we were moving "slowly" with poly, I realize now that he processed things at an amazing speed. I've seen many couples on here take longer or break, or drop off the board. Or sometimes see people who seem to have it together struggle with issues we've already laid to rest.

Granted the very next post I read on a given day could describe issues we've yet to tackle, but everyone seems to go about things in a different order!
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