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  #281  
Old 11-05-2011, 09:59 AM
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Well, I got another one to add. Don't know if you will find it helpful, but maybe there is something that strikes a chord. I think everyone in a longer relationship has gone through this phase, where the sex decreases for a while. Sward and I did that pretty early on in our relationship. It started during second year and lasted till the third.

A problem of mine is focus. I am able to focus on nearly everything thinkable up to a point, where I am thinking constantly over this special topic, viewpoint, theme, situation, novel, game, the list is endless. If I got this thought process started once, I just stop if I get the feeling that I 'am through' with it. It is extremely hard to get my mind occupied with something else during that time. And the last thing I think about is sex during these phases. I still got this problem today, the last time it happened, it was with Lin. I was thinking about a novel I just read and the themes that where presented during class and how great it would fit the topic I wanted to write a paper about and despite the oh-so-sweet NRE phase and such, I was just occupied otherwise and he really had to work to get my thoughts focused on him

The problem between Sward and I was that I just outright rejected him. I wasn't uninterested in sex or intimacy per se, it was just always the wrong moment as far as I was concerned. I can be too blunt, especially when it's such a delicate topic like this. His reaction was that he retreated more and more until we stopped having sex at a point. I got a really hard phase during that time (apprenticeship as specialist for Hotel and Catering Services, the hours of work were insane), tired, stressed out, occupied with work stuff and personal things. And I didn't know about my own workings. Therefore all I noticed was that he didn't seem interested anymore, because he stopped initiating.

We didn't change anything back then. We just got through this phase somehow and it was a real long one. It ended when I noticed that this was unbearable and I got focused on sex instead yes the focus works the other way round as well When this happens now, persevering and sensitive persistence is the way to go for us. I need some time to shift my focus, Sward learned it the hard way, I was able to tell Lin directly because I learned how I work from the experiences with Sward.

I have to second SNeacail. One of the problems that added to this, was that we are so different biorhythm wise. Sward wakes up at 4 or 5 in the morning and goes to bed at 7 or 8 pm if it's his normal weekly schedule. I am never really mentally awake before 11 am and am normally staying up till 3 or 4 am if I am able to use my time freely. Therefore the time when we were in the mood, were vastly different. I don't have the problem with Lin, we have similar rhythms.

This were two points that came to my mind. I hope it went well for you two and you got some things sorted out.
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  #282  
Old 11-05-2011, 11:47 AM
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Ok, I got one about sex as well. We had a sex problem too but it wasn't the same as you guys. I'll share it anyway in case there's something helpful for someone. At one point me and JJ also started noticing a decrease in amount of sex. For us it wasn't that much about one rejecting the other, but more about neither one initiating. We started discussing the subject and it turned out that both of us were somewhat afraid of rejection, even though neither had many bad experiences about that. I don't really know where that fear came from, but it existed for both of us. So we started using a system that may sound silly but worked for us. We have two fridge magnets, one for each of us. If I feel like having sex, I just move my magnet to a specific spot on the fridge and when JJ sees that, he knows that I'm in the mood. If he's in the mood as well, he can easily initiate without the fear of rejection. Also, if he doesn't want to, I don't have to be rejected either. And this works both ways obviously. That's not the only way we let each other know we're in the mood (sometimes we say it directly as well, or show it in other ways), but it really helps with this specific problem. For me one big issue this has helped with is that I think about sex more. Every time I see his magnet being in the right spot (I don't know why that sounded a bit dirty, am I the only one? ), I start evaluating whether I want sex or not. If I wouldn't have that kind of pressure-free reminder, I'm sure I would think about sex less.
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  #283  
Old 11-07-2011, 12:37 PM
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Thanks everyone. I haven't had much time to write as I usually do at work during slow periods, because work has been insane.

Counselling session was good. We both got some perspective on the other person. Someone nudge me in the future if I forget to update about that.

Depression has finally kicked in. On the plus side, I managed to pry my ass out of the couch for dinner with a friend last night, and that helped. I wouldn't have done that a year ago.

I'm all paranoid, because I had a Mirena IUD put in last week, and after the fact, saw a big old contraindication for anyone who has had depression. And of course I got to reading horror stories. That said, I'm pretty sure I could find horror stories about Mirena and peanut butter, or Mirena cat hair. The Internet is scary.

Alright, enough for now, before my blog post gets tagged as spam because of all the drug stuff in it.
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  #284  
Old 11-07-2011, 06:09 PM
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I've had numerous IUDs in my lifetime and never had any problems.
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  #285  
Old 11-07-2011, 06:28 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I've had numerous IUDs in my lifetime and never had any problems.
Have you had hormonal ones? I thought Mirena was the first, but I have been wrong before.

I had a paraguard, but my period became unbearable (have had very light periods all my life, if a bit long) with awful cramps, heavy bleeding and well, what can only be described as chunks falling out of me. Ugh.
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  #286  
Old 11-07-2011, 07:02 PM
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Yes, I had a Progestasert, back in the late 80s/early 90s. It released progesterone.

My first two or three were Copper 7's and I had a Paragard once or twice. I recall that they were contraindicated for me for some reason. maybe it was that they preferred to insert them into women who'd already had babies, or something like that.

I would usually have a new one put in when it was time to remove the old, but then I also started giving my body a rest in between. My periods were always heavy, so none of these made much difference to me in that regard. When we got engaged, my husband had a vasectomy, so I didn't need to get any more IUDs (since we were monogamous).

Now, I don't have to worry anymore, because I've gone through menopause, but if I had to do it again, I'd get an IUD as long as it could stay in for a few years. Too expensive to replace every year.
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  #287  
Old 11-07-2011, 09:23 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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The hormonal one is covered by my drug plan (which is good since it's a whopping $400), but the copper one wasn't (only $150). It's good for five years, I think. (Need to check the card.)

Apparently I'm into brackets today.

This one is feeling weird. I have the same "heavy" feeling I get in my uterus before I get my period. It's probably a normal feeling though, since spotting can be a side effect for the first few weeks to months.
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  #288  
Old 11-07-2011, 10:20 PM
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I understood where Dinged was going with his comment. I realize it was a rough time for you the day he wrote, but I don't think he was meaning to be sexist initially.

Good luck TP. it seems everyone has gathered around to help. I hope something works out for the better. I have an idea of where you are coming from and can empathize with your struggle. Kinda late to the game here so I won't bring it all up again.
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  #289  
Old 11-08-2011, 03:27 AM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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I've had the Mirena for 6 years (I had it for 5 years and am a year into my second one). It does leave you a bit crampy feeling for a week or so. I stopped having my period all together on in, though I occasionally spot. I had depression when it was put in and was told that it was less of a risk than the depo shots I was getting prior to it. *shrugs*
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