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  #221  
Old 07-21-2011, 09:35 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Welcome to my life with the sleeping thing. I feel like an object being passed around sometimes. I love having my own room for that reason. Its my choice who I invite to sleep with ME!

We have a two night Mono bed, one night my bed, four night PN bed split. Mostly as my boy is up stairs with PN. It works, but to tell you honestly? I would rather have a three night Mono bed, three night PN and one night my bed split. I don't feel I can push this right now though. Right now tuesday and another weekend night is with Mono, and the rest is flexed according to what we feel like.

If you ever need to bend an ear about the specificss of this arrangement I am all ears. Sounds like its going well though.
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  #222  
Old 07-21-2011, 11:47 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Thanks, RP. Don't feel like an object, yet. I think it will get better as I get used to the nice new bed, and then on Monday, Mr. A's bed is coming. There will be less of a difference. It is going well. Thank you. I can tell you I think of you often, right now! ("What would RP do?")


In non poly news, my grandmother has been in the hospital, but the doctors said she would be fine to go home in a few days. We got an all-clear, release the breath you've been holding from the doctors this morning. Which was odd, because I'd just a really bad feeling.

Well, I was right. Dad called me at work, not an hour after I got the all clear from my aunt, to say Grandma had gone septic. She's not expected to make it though the night. They've taken her off of her meds, as there's nothing to be done.

Dad and I are flying up tomorrow afternoon. We'll be there for a week. It will be good to see family. Grandma would like that.
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  #223  
Old 07-22-2011, 12:17 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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I'm sorry, that has to hard. Karma and I are thinking of you.
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  #224  
Old 07-22-2011, 12:19 AM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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I'm sorry to hear that TP. My grandmother and then Phil's step father both went into the hospital on Fridays with routine infections (a UTI and what we thought was a stomach virus but turned out to be pneumonia) that went septic the next day and both passed away by Sunday afternoon.
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  #225  
Old 07-22-2011, 01:23 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I'm sorry TP. You and your family are in my thoughts.
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  #226  
Old 07-22-2011, 01:35 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Thank you, everyone.
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  #227  
Old 07-22-2011, 03:39 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I'm sorry for you, TP I don't have grandmothers, but I can imagine how it would feel if one of my grandfathers was in that situation. You have my thoughts.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Right now tuesday and another weekend night is with Mono, and the rest is flexed according to what we feel like.
I'm a bit curious here. You say "Tuesday and another weekend night". Do you have Tuesday Weekends?
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  #228  
Old 07-22-2011, 06:39 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Dad met Mr. A today. Well, technically they met at the wedding, but they were never introduced. Today they were introduced and the four of us chatted for about 45 minutes before Mr. A drove us to the airport.

I can tell Dad likes him, he's just weirded out by the whole situation. It was nice to be ourselves around him. Be normal.

I had to chuckle though. Dad made a bee-line for the security checkpoint when it was time for me to say goodbye to Indigo and Mr. A. Haha. Oh well.
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  #229  
Old 08-18-2011, 02:12 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Default A whole lot of little things

Things are still plodding along. Nothing major to report, really, just a bunch of minor stuff.

Indigo and I had some issues last week, spent a lot of the week arguing and bickering and hurting each other's feelings, though it had nothing to do with poly. And we sorted it out. Everyone was certainly happy for that.

I apologized to Mr. A for having to be part of that (as in around us, not actually being involved by us) and he said it was alright. He was bothered because he wanted to help but there was nothing he could do. That's a natural feeling, I suppose. I reassured him that Indigo and I were not on the brink of divorce, just having a rough patch. He seems to carry guilt when Indigo and I argue, as though his existence causes us to fight about things that have nothing to do with him or poly.

I made a huge mistake last week also, which wasn't the cause of our arguments (I don't remember what was, to be honest, just a bunch of things, I suppose), but certainly caused a problem. For some time now, I have been unhappy with my IUD. When I first got it (2 years ago) until probably the last 6 months, I would occassionally get a heavy period. I'd never experienced these before; they came with absolutely crippling, mind-bending cramps, and disgusting amounts of blood/debris. It was awful. But it was worth it, because it didn't happen very often, and I loved the natural ebb and flow of libido that my IUD allowed.

However, in the last six months, just about every period has been awful like this. They last nine or ten days. I go through tampons like MAD. My cycle is 27-29 days long, so when you're spending up to ten of those days bleeding, well UGH. Also, Mr. A is very uncomfortable with blood. I mean even at the light beginning and end, not just the heavy middle, when I wouldn't want to have sex with anyone either! (Indigo is fine with light period.) It's just stressful all around.

So, it suffices to say that I need to find another birth control method. And that upsets me a LOT. I felt so flat on the pill. No change in libido. And when I was trying to find the right pill previously, I was very sensitive to them, and ended up on one of the lowest doses. Because of this, I think I will need to rule out any sort of hormonal implant; they seem to come in one-dose-fits-all. Which they don't. I will check with my doctor, but I am not hopeful.

Indigo and Mr. A were both aware (very, very aware ) of my IUD issues. But I was avoiding talking about switching because I wasn't even ready to admit to myself that I was thinking seriously about it. At one point, Mr. A asked what was wrong (I was thinking about this, and he could tell something was up), so I just told him what I'd been thinking about and how I felt, and that I didn't want to switch, but it looked like I would have to and I would likely go with the pill. He asked a couple of questions about the pill, and my use in the past. (He's had bad experiences with past girlfriends not taking it reliably, or one who decided she wanted a baby and did not tell him. Thankfully she was not successful.) I answered, and that was pretty much the conversation. It honestly dropped out of my mind for a week.

I'm pretty sure you can see where this is going.

Of course, and I don't even know how, my birth control came up jokingly in conversation amongst the three of us. Mr. A made an offhand comment about me switching, and Indigo did a double take while I went, "Oh fuck." He was pissed. And of course he was. I would be too, if it had happened to me. It doesn't matter what was going on for me, or that I was still processing and Mr. A just "caught me" at it and was simply in the right place at the right time. I fucked up.

There was much explaining and much apologizing and it's fine now. But, yeah. Something that should have been so frickin' obvious, that everyone needed to know what was going on, completely slipped past me because of how I was feeling. Annoying and frustrating. Lesson learned.

Speaking of things I've learned, Indigo has kindly shown me that sleeping with a partner (actually sleeping) is just quality time. I was viewing it as totally separate, an activity that needed to be divided equally, but something felt wrong about that and I couldn't figure out why.

Let me explain.

Mr. A has a different work schedule than me and Indigo, currently. So, Indigo and I have a good amount of quality time together, without Mr. A, because of these disparate schedules. Conversely, I have much less time with Mr. A because of our schedules. When he gets home from work, we are both generally ready for bed.

The gents were doing a lot of, "It doesn't matter who you sleep with, you pick." This was tearing me up. I was missing Mr. A and wanted to sleep with him more, but I thought I needed to keep everything even, causing tons of guilty feelings for not wanting to spend equal sleeping time with both men. Then last weekend, Indigo said, "You know, we've had a lot of quality time together today. Why don't you sleep with Mr. A?" And I was all, "But I slept with him last night!" And he was all, "So? Sleeping is just quality time and you haven't had any with him and we've had lots."

And my mind was blown! This was how I felt about sleeping, but didn't even realize it!

Now I'm sleeping less with Indigo, but I feel much better about the balance, and he reassures me that his needs are met before I spend "extra" nights with Mr. A. Just another example of the difference between equal and fair, I suppose!


Anyway, that's me for the last while.
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  #230  
Old 08-18-2011, 02:30 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
So, it suffices to say that I need to find another birth control method. And that upsets me a LOT. I felt so flat on the pill. No change in libido. And when I was trying to find the right pill previously, I was very sensitive to them, and ended up on one of the lowest doses. Because of this, I think I will need to rule out any sort of hormonal implant; they seem to come in one-dose-fits-all. Which they don't. I will check with my doctor, but I am not hopeful.
I've had the worst experience of the pill, and thus was adamant with my doctor that I didn't want to try any of those ever again. I thought my only option was copper IUD, but was reluctant since I have painful, heavy periods as it is. The doctor recommended a hormonal IUD. I was VERY sceptical at first because I had such a bad reaction to the same hormone before, but she assured me that the effect is very local, and that IUD releases a few percents of the dose that I was putting in my system when I was taking them orally. It shouldn't have a drying nor libido-flattening effect, and is used as a treatment for painful, heavy periods, so I'm hopeful . Also, it has about the same effectiveness as female sterilization in preventing pregnancies.
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