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  #141  
Old 04-19-2011, 06:48 PM
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JameeDee JameeDee is offline
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Default Love this!

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Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
So for anyone out there reading, don't panic if you should experience the same. These loves of mine are very different in my heart. My mono-trained, logical brain wanted to rank them, but my heart has prevailed and simply loves.
I've stolen this and saved it to reference when I start feeling crazy. <3

Thank you so much for sharing
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  #142  
Old 04-19-2011, 06:54 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Originally Posted by JameeDee View Post
I've stolen this and saved it to reference when I start feeling crazy. <3

Thank you so much for sharing
*blush* Thank you!
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  #143  
Old 04-22-2011, 06:55 PM
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JameeDee JameeDee is offline
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Default Thank you

I have just finished reading your blog from beginning to end. I will echo previous comments....thank you so much for sharing. It really helps so much to know there are others working thru similar issues.



Best of luck to you and Indigo and Mr. A!!!!

<3
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  #144  
Old 04-25-2011, 01:05 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Default Love and lies

Had a great weekend with Mr. A and then later his family. They really like me. I feel like a great big sack of shit for lying about my situation. Definitely fought back a panic attack this morning in church, with all the talk about not sinning and honesty and blah blah blah. Mr. A's mother sings in the choir. Indigo's mother sings in her church's choir. It was weird to know that she was likely doing the same things we were.

Indigo's parents thought I was with Dad. And that was strange enough for her to deal with, that Indigo and I might have separate holidays.

The lying is weighing very, very heavily on my heart. It hurts a lot.

I don't know how we can possibly pull this off. If we don't get caught lying, then they are eventually told and all hell breaks loose.

I feel so very selfish.
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  #145  
Old 04-25-2011, 01:09 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Aaaaaand a friend request from Mr. A's sister on Facebook this morning. So accepting would out us completely, and ignoring it will make me look like a bitch.

It's too bad, because she's someone I would love to know better.
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  #146  
Old 04-25-2011, 01:30 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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I need to suck it up and not be selfish. However uncomfortable I feel now is nothing compared to how they would feel if family knew.


Indigo:
It may not be easy to be with Mr. A, the distance and his family, but for you I think it's worth it.
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  #147  
Old 04-25-2011, 02:17 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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You're not selfish for protecting them from information that could upset them. Nor for protecting yourself. It's self-preservation. You don't owe them any explanations. All they need to know is that Mr. A. is happy.

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Aaaaaand a friend request from Mr. A's sister on Facebook this morning. So accepting would out us completely, and ignoring it will make me look like a bitch.
I don't think you'd look like a bitch for that! Lots of people keep FB just for work contacts, etc., or take months and months to accept a friend request. If she ever asks you why you're not accepting it, just say, "Oh, it's better just to reach me through email instead." You could add that you hardly ever check FB, but I don't know if that would be another white lie you'd feel guilty about.
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  #148  
Old 04-25-2011, 02:30 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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Seems like the good, the bad and the ugly, of poly

I can imagine myself in your shoes, and I feel so sad that the society we live in is not open to poly lifestyles. Isn't it a shame? Having to "lie" about something that is good! I'm happy you had a good time, sad that you are in this position, and frustrated about the status quo that is messing everything up
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  #149  
Old 04-25-2011, 02:35 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
Indigo's parents thought I was with Dad. And that was strange enough for her to deal with, that Indigo and I might have separate holidays.

The lying is weighing very, very heavily on my heart. It hurts a lot.

I don't know how we can possibly pull this off. If we don't get caught lying, then they are eventually told and all hell breaks loose.

I feel so very selfish.
Hmm, so Indigo's parents don't know either?

I agree - some families work on the DADT principle, some on the Need To Know Only. I couldn't do either. But it seems by your posts that things are fast progressing to Need To Know.

What is the absolutely most terrible thing you can imagine can come out of this? Heart attack? Disowning? Nobody will ever talk to you again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
Aaaaaand a friend request from Mr. A's sister on Facebook this morning. So accepting would out us completely, and ignoring it will make me look like a bitch.
Hmpf, this is the reason why I don't FB. Don't feel comfortable turning down friend requests, and the five people I would unconditionally accept are the five people I hang out with all the time anyway .
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  #150  
Old 04-25-2011, 03:15 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Thanks, guys. I needed this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
You're not selfish for protecting them from information that could upset them. Nor for protecting yourself. It's self-preservation. You don't owe them any explanations. All they need to know is that Mr. A. is happy.
Yes, I hope that if our relationship reaches a point where they need to know, (ie living together) that they'll remember the happy part and the nice gal they've met and like.

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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I don't think you'd look like a bitch for that! Lots of people keep FB just for work contacts, etc., or take months and months to accept a friend request. If she ever asks you why you're not accepting it, just say, "Oh, it's better just to reach me through email instead." You could add that you hardly ever check FB, but I don't know if that would be another white lie you'd feel guilty about.
Yes, we had already told her that I don't use it much, and being in IT, see it only as a gateway to identity theft. I think if she asks Mr. A about it, I'll have him give her my MSN.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carma View Post
Seems like the good, the bad and the ugly, of poly

I can imagine myself in your shoes, and I feel so sad that the society we live in is not open to poly lifestyles. Isn't it a shame? Having to "lie" about something that is good! I'm happy you had a good time, sad that you are in this position, and frustrated about the status quo that is messing everything up
Yes, if people could just see the good, the love, and not jump straight to what they perceive to be so horrible.

I also found out this weekend that Mr. A is more than a little worried about his family labelling him as a homewrecker.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Hmm, so Indigo's parents don't know either?

I agree - some families work on the DADT principle, some on the Need To Know Only. I couldn't do either. But it seems by your posts that things are fast progressing to Need To Know.
I think Indigo's family is approaching that point, certainly. I honestly don't know how they'd react.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
What is the absolutely most terrible thing you can imagine can come out of this? Heart attack? Disowning? Nobody will ever talk to you again?
Really, you really want to ask someone with an anxiety disorder that question??

I don't see Indigo's family disowning us. Mr. A's family is tight-knit and judgy of each other. I think his parents' reaction would be largely based on what others would think, combined with their own religious beliefs. Unfortunately, Mr. A is still reliant on his parents as a financial safety net. He's a pilot, and he's only been in the career for a handful of years. Not enough time to land a secure job that pays enough to put him above the poverty line. He works long days, with not enough time off to have a second job.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Hmpf, this is the reason why I don't FB. Don't feel comfortable turning down friend requests, and the five people I would unconditionally accept are the five people I hang out with all the time anyway .
With the exception of poly, I don't censor myself on FB. But yeah. Indigo suggested I lock down the settings for the sister, but I'd still have to watch what others posted, and what I posted. It would be far, far too much.


I guess I just need to keep in sight that I'm doing this for Indigo and Mr. A. I've been as honest as my family will allow (Dad knows, but doesn't ask, however will listen to stories, etc.), and that's all I can control.
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